I Have a Problem (No, You!)

I read a lot of blogs. As in, a lot. Like an unhealthy amount. Since starting to use Bloglovin', I usually accumulate upwards of 150 posts to read per day. That is a lot of posts. Now, I don't read them all because that would be stupid and I'm like the opposite of stupid (diputs). This is obvi. But I do trawl through all of them and "mark as read" all the boring looking ones. Like the fashion ones where they dress in ugly NYFW type shit that I despise (but for some reason I never remove them from the blogs I follow? Why? This would save me so much time and heartache. I hate leather skirts and your ugly ass Chloe boots). But healthy living blogs...

They are my weakness. I probably follow around 30-40 now and they are all pretty much the same. I read them (or at least look at the pictures) with an unhealthy fascination. Because I'm a voyeuristic freak. If The Truman Show was real, you know I would be watching that shit on the daily. But sometimes I get tired of those blogs, usually because they are all so similar. I can't even really tell a difference between who's who anymore. All the damn pictures are the same. It's all paleo this and that, fake oats (made out of eggs, banana and protein powder. What the shit?), protein pancakes (PANCAKES HAVE FLOUR, YOU FREAKS), nut butter (fuck nut butter. Can't eat peanut butter, almond butter is probably $1000 and scarce in Australia. Obviously, not worth my time or stomach space), everything-but-the-kitchen-sink salads (these words actually make me irrationally angry. I read them so many times. It's a salad, people), bananas.

Bananas everywhere. Bananas in oatmeal, pancakes (they are barely pancakes. They are like sweet omelettes. You disgust me), with nut butter, on random shit. On everything. In tortillas. On your face. In every single orifice.

But the one thing that pisses me off more than any of these things, even more than fake pancakes, even more than everything-but-the-shut-the-fuck-up salads, is TAKING THE BREAD OUT OF SHIT THAT'S MEANT TO HAVE BREAD IN IT.

Burgers without a burger bun? "Open-faced sandwiches" (THAT AIN'T NO SANDWICH)? Buying a sandwich with two pieces of bread (like a sandwich should have) then removing one of the pieces of bread. And feeling the need to comment on it. I'm not admiring your aversion to carbs as I read that. I am pitying you with this intense feeling of I-want-to-slap-you because bread, my friends, bread is one of the finest foods in the world. Why would you remove one of the pieces of bread from your sandwich? How are you meant to eat the sandwich now? With a knife and fork (this coming from the girl that eats her burgers with a knife and fork)? That piece of bread is not just delicious, not just an integral part of the flavour, the mouthfeel, the goodness of that sandwich. No, that piece of bread has an integral structural role in that sandwich. It is holding the filling together. It is allowing you to pick up that sandwich with your bare hands, you fucking gnarly animal, and eat it without getting shit all over you.

I'm actually getting worked up about this, pounding away at my keyboard like a pubescent boy pounds away at his... Sorry, got carried away. I need to chill now. Off to eat an open-faced sandwich (note: only Scandinavians are allowed to eat open-faced sandwiches and not have me rag on them).

J