This... http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/67770119.html
... has said it very well. Just going back to that scene in (500) Days of Summer (seriously, will I never shut up about it?). Imagine if they had played on other racial stereotypes instead: a Black family with fried chicken or a Mexican family that looks like a drug cartel. Okay?
Just because stereotypes about Asians are relatively harmless doesn't mean it's alright to propagate.
Talking about racism in the Aboriginal Health tutorial Big Michelle and I hosted last Monday has made me think about it a lot. I've already told this story before... but in year five, I was playing downball with some friends. Me and one of my best friends at the time were in a heated argument about it. She then said to me, "Your eyes are so squinty. You can't even see the ball."
I think from that point on I realized I would never be an "Australian" to everyone else. People will always look at me and think "ASIAN!" as their first impression of me. I will never be a "first class" citizen in Australia. It's obviously not to the same degree as Aboriginal people (where they are more like 17 class citizens). I enjoy the benefits of living here; opportunities and the such. But if any shit goes down, people will say to me, "Fucking Asians. Taking our jobs." If I ever cop any abuse from randoms on the street, it's always something racial.
Fuck that. I want to be abused for something else; because I'm fat or because I'm ugly or because I've got toilet paper sticking out of my shoe.
J
About Me
- Junaberry
- I'm a student from Australia who used to have a lot of time on her hands but doesn't have that much anymore. Now she has other stuff on her hands.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Missy Prissy
Okay. Feeling all better now after reading this: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/67813116.html#cutid1
The nicknaming of Zuckerberg's girlfriend is so typical of Chinese people. And not even in a bad way. I used to report back to you how family friends ("aunties") would speak in Chinese to my mother and say, "Oh! Junaberry is quite fat!" and, "My! She's put on weight. What a fei po." Except they never quite mean in in a malicious way. It's just how Chinese people are. It's partly pride (as in, "Oh! Junaberry's quite fat. Look at MY daughter, she's lost considerable weight") and partly just amusement to them ("Har har! Oh fatties... how they amuse me").
And that's the end of that.
J
The nicknaming of Zuckerberg's girlfriend is so typical of Chinese people. And not even in a bad way. I used to report back to you how family friends ("aunties") would speak in Chinese to my mother and say, "Oh! Junaberry is quite fat!" and, "My! She's put on weight. What a fei po." Except they never quite mean in in a malicious way. It's just how Chinese people are. It's partly pride (as in, "Oh! Junaberry's quite fat. Look at MY daughter, she's lost considerable weight") and partly just amusement to them ("Har har! Oh fatties... how they amuse me").
And that's the end of that.
J
Sigh
Sometimes, I feel so claustrophobic in my life. Day in, day out, it's exactly the same. Wake up, go to uni, do work, come home, do work, go to sleep. Wake up, go to uni etc. etc. Weekends pass by in seconds and are nothing to me. I do nothing on weekends because I have study-guilt.
I feel claustrophobic like "this is it." Even when I think about travelling the world and such, I still feel claustrophobic. I think, "It's all going to be just the same." So the buildings are different or the climate is different or the people speak a different language. It's all the same still; people live and work and sleep then die.
And that's the end of that.
Enough maudlin talk. For I have to go back to study...
Does anyone else notice that I always seem to have existential crises during exam time? Pretty sure you could correlate the multiple posts I've written not dissimilar to this one with periods of high stress and uni work. I think it's a culmination of, "OH GOD, WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?" and, "FUCK THIS, I NEED TO PROCRASTINATE."
J
I feel claustrophobic like "this is it." Even when I think about travelling the world and such, I still feel claustrophobic. I think, "It's all going to be just the same." So the buildings are different or the climate is different or the people speak a different language. It's all the same still; people live and work and sleep then die.
And that's the end of that.
Enough maudlin talk. For I have to go back to study...
Does anyone else notice that I always seem to have existential crises during exam time? Pretty sure you could correlate the multiple posts I've written not dissimilar to this one with periods of high stress and uni work. I think it's a culmination of, "OH GOD, WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?" and, "FUCK THIS, I NEED TO PROCRASTINATE."
J
My Uniform
My winter home clothes uniform is quite literally my winter school uniform. I pull out the old navy pants I used to wear and whip out my leavers jumper and throw on some old t-shirt (usually not my school t-shirts as I gave them away but I have been known to put on my leavers t-shirt...). In fact, that's what I'm wearing right now despite it not being winter and not that cold. I just take great comfort from wearing these clothes.
I miss BCC, my love. I will defend that school regardless of whether it is actually quite as shit as many people think. My attachment knows no bounds. Yesterday, I daydreamed I went back after graduating from uni and rolled down the hill outside English block with all the old school friends.
So, midsems are coming up soon. I have pages of lectures notes to write up. I have labs to revise and essays due and an FCP learning outcome partner this week who has not replied to my emails even though the fucking thing needs to be put up on LMS at noon today.
Fuck it, though. I get tired of being the one who's always bugging people for work.
J
I miss BCC, my love. I will defend that school regardless of whether it is actually quite as shit as many people think. My attachment knows no bounds. Yesterday, I daydreamed I went back after graduating from uni and rolled down the hill outside English block with all the old school friends.
So, midsems are coming up soon. I have pages of lectures notes to write up. I have labs to revise and essays due and an FCP learning outcome partner this week who has not replied to my emails even though the fucking thing needs to be put up on LMS at noon today.
Fuck it, though. I get tired of being the one who's always bugging people for work.
J
Friday, March 30, 2012
Note To Self: Chris L Hates Sluts
INT. REF. DAYTIME:
Enjoying a casual brunch/lunch with Albert and Chirs.
Chris: So what TV shows do you watch, Junaberry?
Albert: Har har har haw. I like The Big Bang Theory.
Me: I fucking hate that show.
We eat.
Chris: So, what shows do you watch, J?
Me: This is kind of embarrassing... but I really like Pretty Little Liars.
Chris: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, I don't know. I just really do.
Chris: Yeah, I watched a couple of the first few episodes.
Me: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO A IS?
Chris: ... nah... It's alright. I don't really like the show that much.
Me: ... oh.
Chris: Yeah, I watched the first episode and it was just all full of sluts. Like... that lesbian kissing that girl, that girl making out with that teacher in the bathroom, the mum of that shoplifter having SEX with that cop. It was just full of sluts. My sister was like, "I"m going to watch it because my friends say it's good," and I was like, "It's just full of sluts."
Me: Oh yeah... I mean... it's not that great a show... You know how you just get attached to shows and watch them...
Chris: Yeah.
Me: ... HANG ON NOW. You watch Gossip Girl, right? Isn't that SLUTTIER than Pretty Little Liars? That first episode with Nate and Serena having le sex at the wedding?
Chris: NAH BRO.
Case closed. End of story.
The moral? Chris L hates le sluts.
J
Enjoying a casual brunch/lunch with Albert and Chirs.
Chris: So what TV shows do you watch, Junaberry?
Albert: Har har har haw. I like The Big Bang Theory.
Me: I fucking hate that show.
We eat.
Chris: So, what shows do you watch, J?
Me: This is kind of embarrassing... but I really like Pretty Little Liars.
Chris: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, I don't know. I just really do.
Chris: Yeah, I watched a couple of the first few episodes.
Me: DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO A IS?
Chris: ... nah... It's alright. I don't really like the show that much.
Me: ... oh.
Chris: Yeah, I watched the first episode and it was just all full of sluts. Like... that lesbian kissing that girl, that girl making out with that teacher in the bathroom, the mum of that shoplifter having SEX with that cop. It was just full of sluts. My sister was like, "I"m going to watch it because my friends say it's good," and I was like, "It's just full of sluts."
Me: Oh yeah... I mean... it's not that great a show... You know how you just get attached to shows and watch them...
Chris: Yeah.
Me: ... HANG ON NOW. You watch Gossip Girl, right? Isn't that SLUTTIER than Pretty Little Liars? That first episode with Nate and Serena having le sex at the wedding?
Chris: NAH BRO.
Case closed. End of story.
The moral? Chris L hates le sluts.
J
Thursday, March 29, 2012
And Now...
Good end to the day. Indulging in a couple episodes of New Girl. The show has kind of changed its route but it still makes me laugh like a hyena.
J
J
Flush That Shit Out
Shittest day ever.
I don't even know why. As I was going through the motions, I thought, "Eh, it ain't so bad," but now that I'm home I feel completely exhausted, brain dead, stressed out. I just want to watch The Vampire Diaries (I reserved season two from the library and it came in today but no one will get it for me and I'm already in my pjs...), eat ice cream (which would be the second bowl of the day... I got home and ate a bowl of ice-cream to drown my sorrows a bit) and then go to sleep at 9pm.
I got home around 5.15pm. The house was completely dark with all the windows closed even though my brother had been at home all day. It was so stuffy inside. Dirty dishes in the sink. Back door left open (well, unlocked). Recyclables splayed across the kitchen. It sucks when you get home after eight hours straight of uni and you have to do all that shit even though someone else has been at home all day. Fair enough, he was studying all day but still, it doesn't take that much effort to open some windows and take the rubbish out.
That's what kills me about starting a family of my own. Lord knows the wife/mother is usually stuck with the housekeeping and the cleaning and the cooking. Regardless of how much things change, I feel like it always falls to the wife/mother. I heard on the radio the other day about how great it is that how women in the workforce has increased over the last 10 years but then, on the other hand, now women not only have to work full-time but they're still stuck with all the chores.
I also feel like shit today because I ate 20 lollies.
J
I don't even know why. As I was going through the motions, I thought, "Eh, it ain't so bad," but now that I'm home I feel completely exhausted, brain dead, stressed out. I just want to watch The Vampire Diaries (I reserved season two from the library and it came in today but no one will get it for me and I'm already in my pjs...), eat ice cream (which would be the second bowl of the day... I got home and ate a bowl of ice-cream to drown my sorrows a bit) and then go to sleep at 9pm.
I got home around 5.15pm. The house was completely dark with all the windows closed even though my brother had been at home all day. It was so stuffy inside. Dirty dishes in the sink. Back door left open (well, unlocked). Recyclables splayed across the kitchen. It sucks when you get home after eight hours straight of uni and you have to do all that shit even though someone else has been at home all day. Fair enough, he was studying all day but still, it doesn't take that much effort to open some windows and take the rubbish out.
That's what kills me about starting a family of my own. Lord knows the wife/mother is usually stuck with the housekeeping and the cleaning and the cooking. Regardless of how much things change, I feel like it always falls to the wife/mother. I heard on the radio the other day about how great it is that how women in the workforce has increased over the last 10 years but then, on the other hand, now women not only have to work full-time but they're still stuck with all the chores.
I also feel like shit today because I ate 20 lollies.
J
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
It Was the Business Shirt!
Just got home from anatomy tute.
News to report: said tutor (hilariously named Troy... I don't know, it's not that hilarious. I just think of High School Musical whenever I hear the name Troy) is significantly less handsome than I first feared. He came to the tute in t-shirt, jeans and sneakers which paled in comparison to the dress pants and button down shirt he usually wears.
It goes to show: I really am very attracted to men in business clothes, regardless of what they actually look like.
Still, he's too cute. He played this game where he hid easter eggs in the tutorial slides and whoever yelled "EASTER EGG!" first got one. In one of the last slides, 50 easter eggs appeared and he was all, "Har har! Everyone gets one!"
Moving on. I was sitting in the anatomy lab (before the anatomy tute... three hours straight of anatomy) on a bench with my feet on the beam across the bottom of the table. Which is stupid... But anyway, I was sitting there and in front of me was this slightly open bucket of formaldehyde that had been used to store the brains that were on the dissecting table. I just had this vision of my feet slipping off the beam and the bucket tipping over and pouring all the brainy juices into my mouth.
I'm 100% sure that I'm not the only one who imagines shit like this.
J
News to report: said tutor (hilariously named Troy... I don't know, it's not that hilarious. I just think of High School Musical whenever I hear the name Troy) is significantly less handsome than I first feared. He came to the tute in t-shirt, jeans and sneakers which paled in comparison to the dress pants and button down shirt he usually wears.
It goes to show: I really am very attracted to men in business clothes, regardless of what they actually look like.
Still, he's too cute. He played this game where he hid easter eggs in the tutorial slides and whoever yelled "EASTER EGG!" first got one. In one of the last slides, 50 easter eggs appeared and he was all, "Har har! Everyone gets one!"
Moving on. I was sitting in the anatomy lab (before the anatomy tute... three hours straight of anatomy) on a bench with my feet on the beam across the bottom of the table. Which is stupid... But anyway, I was sitting there and in front of me was this slightly open bucket of formaldehyde that had been used to store the brains that were on the dissecting table. I just had this vision of my feet slipping off the beam and the bucket tipping over and pouring all the brainy juices into my mouth.
I'm 100% sure that I'm not the only one who imagines shit like this.
J
Monday, March 26, 2012
Feet and Flourishing
Sometimes, I wonder when everyone grew up and left me behind.
You know how there are people who really flourish during certain periods of their life and "come into themselves"?
For Big Mishelle, this was probably last year. For Kim, this was probably year 12. For Little Mishelle, this was probably end of last year. I don't know. That's all I can really think of. Sometimes, I step into my tutorials and look around me and wonder what I'm doing there. Everyone is so mature, smart and attractive (I mean that in a "holistic" way; everyone is so "whole" and defined). Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for my "baby fat" to drop off (secret: it's actually just "adult" fat now), I still can't talk to boys properly, I still can't dress for shit.
The other day, Big Michelle told me about the blog of this girl she knows in fifth year med. We are, in fact, family friends. This is the blog: lefanciulle.com
Big Michelle mentioned that the girl used to be kind of nerdy but really "grew into" her prettiness. But I remember this girl, even when she was my age and in her "awkward, nerd phase," as being really friendly and quite outgoing. Maybe she didn't look the part but she certainly could play it.
I'm wondering if I'll ever "flourish" and look and play the part of the person I really want to be.
And lastly, this girl, Emily, in our FCP tutorial KEPT TOUCHING HER RANK ASS FEET in today's tutorial. Are you serious? Is it so hard to refrain from picking at your gangrenous tootsies until you get to the privacy of your home or some densely-leaved bush? It is so gross. The same thing happened in one of my exams last year but with a different girl. I was so distracted through the whole thing because I just kept looking and grimacing at this girl and her foul feet.
J
You know how there are people who really flourish during certain periods of their life and "come into themselves"?
For Big Mishelle, this was probably last year. For Kim, this was probably year 12. For Little Mishelle, this was probably end of last year. I don't know. That's all I can really think of. Sometimes, I step into my tutorials and look around me and wonder what I'm doing there. Everyone is so mature, smart and attractive (I mean that in a "holistic" way; everyone is so "whole" and defined). Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for my "baby fat" to drop off (secret: it's actually just "adult" fat now), I still can't talk to boys properly, I still can't dress for shit.
The other day, Big Michelle told me about the blog of this girl she knows in fifth year med. We are, in fact, family friends. This is the blog: lefanciulle.com
Big Michelle mentioned that the girl used to be kind of nerdy but really "grew into" her prettiness. But I remember this girl, even when she was my age and in her "awkward, nerd phase," as being really friendly and quite outgoing. Maybe she didn't look the part but she certainly could play it.
I'm wondering if I'll ever "flourish" and look and play the part of the person I really want to be.
And lastly, this girl, Emily, in our FCP tutorial KEPT TOUCHING HER RANK ASS FEET in today's tutorial. Are you serious? Is it so hard to refrain from picking at your gangrenous tootsies until you get to the privacy of your home or some densely-leaved bush? It is so gross. The same thing happened in one of my exams last year but with a different girl. I was so distracted through the whole thing because I just kept looking and grimacing at this girl and her foul feet.
J
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Poll
Guys. Help me with this poll. It shall determine my future.
a) Go to the cinema at some point and watch The Hunger Games.
b) Download The Hunger Games tonight and watch in the comfort of my pyjamas.
My prediction: 0 response.
J
a) Go to the cinema at some point and watch The Hunger Games.
b) Download The Hunger Games tonight and watch in the comfort of my pyjamas.
My prediction: 0 response.
J
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Hi, Men
Throughout my tertiary education, I have heard numerous times that our purpose is to procreate and continue the human species.
If this is true, I ask you this simple question: why hymens?
Do they not just impede this purpose of ours? They are a physical obstruction as well as an emotional one in some cases (do I need to expand?). It does not really make sense.
Maybe we should all take up horse riding.
J
If this is true, I ask you this simple question: why hymens?
Do they not just impede this purpose of ours? They are a physical obstruction as well as an emotional one in some cases (do I need to expand?). It does not really make sense.
Maybe we should all take up horse riding.
J
Did Someone Say Buffet?
Guys.
My family and I are going to the Atrium for dinner tonight. Usually, we go for a fancy buffet dinner once a year, around now, as a cumulative celebration of my dad's, my brother's and my birthdays. We used to go to the Hyatt but then their buffet got shit and the price went up.
I don't know whether to fast or just eat normally but hold off towards the end of the day so I can stuff my face with delicious food.
I am so attractive.
J
My family and I are going to the Atrium for dinner tonight. Usually, we go for a fancy buffet dinner once a year, around now, as a cumulative celebration of my dad's, my brother's and my birthdays. We used to go to the Hyatt but then their buffet got shit and the price went up.
I don't know whether to fast or just eat normally but hold off towards the end of the day so I can stuff my face with delicious food.
I am so attractive.
J
Friday, March 23, 2012
Days Like These
Sometimes, I think to myself, "Goddamn gurl, you are so hilarious," and feel bad that no one was there to be able to experience whatever wittism I had just spoken/thought/done.
Sometimes, I listen to some kind of song. Sometimes it's a song with attitude like Rihanna or a really inspirational song like U2 or something very dramatic like Katy Perry and quite suddenly I BECOME that person. Yes, if anyone's read The Metamorphisis by Kafka, it's a lot like that...
And by that, I mean that I adopt the attitude portrayed in the song. I've spoken about the Rihanna thing before. Suddenly, I am so ghetto, I am so 'hood, I am like Jimmy off Degrassi: THE NEXT FUCKING GENERATION (see what I did there?).
But this "metamorphisis" also applies to other songs. If I'm listening to a really sad break-up song, I'll get really emotional and be all, "Oh God. Hold me," and of course, the closeset thing I have gotten to a break-up is reading New Moon.
Similarly, I'll be watching the second last scene of She's The Man in which Amanda Bynes flashes her boobs then wins a soccer game. I'll be flailing my legs as if emulating her swift soccer moves. I'll be thinking to myself, "Fuck Yeah," and shit like that. Except in my head because saying that out loud or writing it on the internet is obviously incredibly embarrassing.
Today is Sarah's (fondly nicknamed Little S in comparison to my Large/Robust/Fat/Big S) 19th birthday. So happy birthday, dear!
Dear Sarah. I didn't really know her well at all until midway through/towards the end of year 11. We probably had mutual friends and maybe some common classes before then but we never really met each other properly. In the space of a short year and a bit, she became one of my most lovely and dearest friends. It's strange to reflect on that because I consider her a close friend now and that's usually a title I give to the cats I've known for years and years, since we were 12 years old.
But I think Sarah has found a way into my cold, calloused heart because she is so generous and sweet, she is bubbly and vivacious, she is smart and funny, and beautiful. She helped me so much in high school with any troubles I was having.
It kind of scares me that we're turning 19 because I desperately wish I was eight again.
Also, for anyone who hasn't seen this:
It's brilliant, right? I was so confused at first and smh and then I realized... it's actually brilliant.
I basically had a two day uni week this week because we had no labs this week. It was brilliant and sad at the same time because I get really bad cabin fever. Like, terrible cabin fever. I get restless and I can't concentrate and I get hilariously bad ennui that I can't shake off. But I still got through a decent amount of work.
Big Michelle occasionally comments that I do too much work. In some ways I agree and some ways I disagree because I think she does as much work as me. She works later into the night. I just like to do it early and get it over with. I feel bad if I'm not working and just sitting around. But at the same time, sometimes my life seems unbalanced.
And finally, I think this is beautiful:
J
Sometimes, I listen to some kind of song. Sometimes it's a song with attitude like Rihanna or a really inspirational song like U2 or something very dramatic like Katy Perry and quite suddenly I BECOME that person. Yes, if anyone's read The Metamorphisis by Kafka, it's a lot like that...
And by that, I mean that I adopt the attitude portrayed in the song. I've spoken about the Rihanna thing before. Suddenly, I am so ghetto, I am so 'hood, I am like Jimmy off Degrassi: THE NEXT FUCKING GENERATION (see what I did there?).
But this "metamorphisis" also applies to other songs. If I'm listening to a really sad break-up song, I'll get really emotional and be all, "Oh God. Hold me," and of course, the closeset thing I have gotten to a break-up is reading New Moon.
Similarly, I'll be watching the second last scene of She's The Man in which Amanda Bynes flashes her boobs then wins a soccer game. I'll be flailing my legs as if emulating her swift soccer moves. I'll be thinking to myself, "Fuck Yeah," and shit like that. Except in my head because saying that out loud or writing it on the internet is obviously incredibly embarrassing.
Today is Sarah's (fondly nicknamed Little S in comparison to my Large/Robust/Fat/Big S) 19th birthday. So happy birthday, dear!
Dear Sarah. I didn't really know her well at all until midway through/towards the end of year 11. We probably had mutual friends and maybe some common classes before then but we never really met each other properly. In the space of a short year and a bit, she became one of my most lovely and dearest friends. It's strange to reflect on that because I consider her a close friend now and that's usually a title I give to the cats I've known for years and years, since we were 12 years old.
But I think Sarah has found a way into my cold, calloused heart because she is so generous and sweet, she is bubbly and vivacious, she is smart and funny, and beautiful. She helped me so much in high school with any troubles I was having.
It kind of scares me that we're turning 19 because I desperately wish I was eight again.
Also, for anyone who hasn't seen this:
It's brilliant, right? I was so confused at first and smh and then I realized... it's actually brilliant.
I basically had a two day uni week this week because we had no labs this week. It was brilliant and sad at the same time because I get really bad cabin fever. Like, terrible cabin fever. I get restless and I can't concentrate and I get hilariously bad ennui that I can't shake off. But I still got through a decent amount of work.
Big Michelle occasionally comments that I do too much work. In some ways I agree and some ways I disagree because I think she does as much work as me. She works later into the night. I just like to do it early and get it over with. I feel bad if I'm not working and just sitting around. But at the same time, sometimes my life seems unbalanced.
And finally, I think this is beautiful:
J
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Now, For the Third Post of the Day
And with that, my posting has officially reached the level of excess for the day. But whatever.
I just wanted to say that Big Michelle looked so beautiful today. Is that creepy? No, because I'm her best friend and am allowed to say creepy shit like that.
I think it was a combination of natural sweets and dewy foundation and nice hair and nice-coloured top that made her look especially nice today. Also, her lip gloss was really nice today.
The end.
Big Michelle and I are "hosting" our Aboriginal Health tutorial next week. It's about racism. I am planning on sharing my own story of racism about an incident involving downball, year five and squinty eyes.
J
I just wanted to say that Big Michelle looked so beautiful today. Is that creepy? No, because I'm her best friend and am allowed to say creepy shit like that.
I think it was a combination of natural sweets and dewy foundation and nice hair and nice-coloured top that made her look especially nice today. Also, her lip gloss was really nice today.
The end.
Big Michelle and I are "hosting" our Aboriginal Health tutorial next week. It's about racism. I am planning on sharing my own story of racism about an incident involving downball, year five and squinty eyes.
J
Isn't There Some Song About Closure?
I feel it is my duty to update you on the ongoing story of me and a certain man-boy named F. It's obviously "over" but I feel some sort of strong pull, some desire to just share.
Today. It was a day of closure. Maybe just for me because he probably has never noticed anything suss about my behaviours towards him in the past (except maybe during the peak of my loin-thirst for him except he probably thought I just had some sort of mental health issue).
I was idly sitting down in a NS lecture with Renee (that's pronounced REE-KNEE obviously) when I see this familiar blonde boy sidling down the aisle with his back to me, talking to some friend. I see it is F. I freak the fuck out because I'm awkward and didn't say hi to him even when we had a nutrition lab together a few weeks back. He goes to sit down in the seat one away from mine but then moves down to sit next to me.
There's a period of silence. I pretend to be talking to REE-KNEE and turn away slightly. I realize I'm being an idiot. I have to man-up. I have to grow up. I say quite confidently and loudly enough so there will be no question I am talking to him, "Haven't seen you in a while."
He turns and smiles to me. He is sporting a bit of scruff (who is he trying to impress here?). I see those blue eyes, the ones that used to drive me wild. But now, I see the blue eyes of a friend.
"Har har," he laughs charmingly. "Well, we aren't in the same FCP group anymore."
"Yes," I agree because this much is obvious.
He goes on to tell me a charming anecdote of stumbling home hungover after Australia Day and bumping into our past FCP tutor having lunch with his girlfriend and how he didn't recognize Niyi (out tutor) at first and thought to himself, "Wow, he looks so familiar." But they went on to have a lovely conversation.
Much like the one I had with F today.
It was brief. But it helped me to appreciate what a hilarious and wonderful experience I had with that boy (except without him knowing... okay, so mostly it was a hilarious and wonderful experience with myself... in my head). I'm glad that it happened and I'm glad that we can be friends.
The end.
J
Today. It was a day of closure. Maybe just for me because he probably has never noticed anything suss about my behaviours towards him in the past (except maybe during the peak of my loin-thirst for him except he probably thought I just had some sort of mental health issue).
I was idly sitting down in a NS lecture with Renee (that's pronounced REE-KNEE obviously) when I see this familiar blonde boy sidling down the aisle with his back to me, talking to some friend. I see it is F. I freak the fuck out because I'm awkward and didn't say hi to him even when we had a nutrition lab together a few weeks back. He goes to sit down in the seat one away from mine but then moves down to sit next to me.
There's a period of silence. I pretend to be talking to REE-KNEE and turn away slightly. I realize I'm being an idiot. I have to man-up. I have to grow up. I say quite confidently and loudly enough so there will be no question I am talking to him, "Haven't seen you in a while."
He turns and smiles to me. He is sporting a bit of scruff (who is he trying to impress here?). I see those blue eyes, the ones that used to drive me wild. But now, I see the blue eyes of a friend.
"Har har," he laughs charmingly. "Well, we aren't in the same FCP group anymore."
"Yes," I agree because this much is obvious.
He goes on to tell me a charming anecdote of stumbling home hungover after Australia Day and bumping into our past FCP tutor having lunch with his girlfriend and how he didn't recognize Niyi (out tutor) at first and thought to himself, "Wow, he looks so familiar." But they went on to have a lovely conversation.
Much like the one I had with F today.
It was brief. But it helped me to appreciate what a hilarious and wonderful experience I had with that boy (except without him knowing... okay, so mostly it was a hilarious and wonderful experience with myself... in my head). I'm glad that it happened and I'm glad that we can be friends.
The end.
J
Taylor Swift Told Me to "Never Grow Up"
I am watching the most depressing lecture in the world about nutrition and ageing. The lecturer is talking about how many elderly people are under-nourished because they don't eat enough due to things like social anxiety (they don't want to go out to the shops) especially if they live alone or they don't know how to cook (especially if they've lost a partner who used to do all the cooking) AND because of loss of sensory aspects (so food doesn't taste as "good" and lots of salt and sugar has to be added to make it taste "right" like it used to).
I hate that. I don't want to get old. I don't want to get even worse social anxiety to the point where I don't want to go food shopping so I wither away and slowly die (and I LOVE food so it's hard to imagine this happening but it's obviously possible). This really strikes home for me because of my grandpa who I guess one could describe as having "social anxiety." He doesn't look comfortable at all when interacting with people other than close family and, even then, he doesn't like speaking in front of the whole family. It's hard to describe. He won't contribute to a conversation if the whole family's there. Sometimes he'll only say something if asked a direct question. He stays in his room all day. All his friends and siblings are dead.
Seriously. It's maudlin.
J
I hate that. I don't want to get old. I don't want to get even worse social anxiety to the point where I don't want to go food shopping so I wither away and slowly die (and I LOVE food so it's hard to imagine this happening but it's obviously possible). This really strikes home for me because of my grandpa who I guess one could describe as having "social anxiety." He doesn't look comfortable at all when interacting with people other than close family and, even then, he doesn't like speaking in front of the whole family. It's hard to describe. He won't contribute to a conversation if the whole family's there. Sometimes he'll only say something if asked a direct question. He stays in his room all day. All his friends and siblings are dead.
Seriously. It's maudlin.
J
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Oh Oh You'll Trigger a Landslide
I require an upgrade from simpleton breath mints to high-powered cheiwng gum to conquer the party in my mouth (not the good kind; more people puking and spilling shit all over the floor).
It's Wednesday. Hump day. Humping day. Day for humping. Sitting here at my desk, contemplating life.
Why do I like banana porridge so much? Why was I blessed with such shitty skin throughout my teenagehood? Why did Marlene King, Bitch of the Century, lie to us all when she said that they wouldn't be following the books regarding who A is? Why do bands inevitably always get into stupid fights and break up (most of the time)? How is it that Kristen Bell can play such a dark and frightful character like Veronica Mars when she herself is so bright and bubbly? Why are White girls able to put their hair up in such nice buns all the time? When is it okay to not shower everyday? Why do heels crack? Who invented lotion? Why do people rape, pillage and kill? Who invented Hannah Montana? Does Miley Cyrus brush her hair? Is it okay to be a girl and be called (maliciously) a man if you look like a hot man? When does a boy become a man? What does it feel like to be stabbed? How long can you grow your fingernails before they do that disgusting curling thing like you see on Guiness World Records? Is it gross the Alicia Silverstone and Paul Rudd were step-siblings when they hooked the fuck up?
Why does tomato in sandwiches taste so good?
What do bugs taste like to birds?
Could I kill my next door neighbour without anyone knowing it was me?
J
It's Wednesday. Hump day. Humping day. Day for humping. Sitting here at my desk, contemplating life.
Why do I like banana porridge so much? Why was I blessed with such shitty skin throughout my teenagehood? Why did Marlene King, Bitch of the Century, lie to us all when she said that they wouldn't be following the books regarding who A is? Why do bands inevitably always get into stupid fights and break up (most of the time)? How is it that Kristen Bell can play such a dark and frightful character like Veronica Mars when she herself is so bright and bubbly? Why are White girls able to put their hair up in such nice buns all the time? When is it okay to not shower everyday? Why do heels crack? Who invented lotion? Why do people rape, pillage and kill? Who invented Hannah Montana? Does Miley Cyrus brush her hair? Is it okay to be a girl and be called (maliciously) a man if you look like a hot man? When does a boy become a man? What does it feel like to be stabbed? How long can you grow your fingernails before they do that disgusting curling thing like you see on Guiness World Records? Is it gross the Alicia Silverstone and Paul Rudd were step-siblings when they hooked the fuck up?
Why does tomato in sandwiches taste so good?
What do bugs taste like to birds?
Could I kill my next door neighbour without anyone knowing it was me?
J
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
TVD, I Still Love You
Still seething at the PLL season two finale so I've decided to get back into The Vampire Diaries. I stopped watching middle of last year because of uni work but I think I have time now...
Also, har har. My dad bought me a bottle of Wonderstruck at the airport duty free for my birthday. Now, I will always smell like Taylor. It's perfect.
J
Also, har har. My dad bought me a bottle of Wonderstruck at the airport duty free for my birthday. Now, I will always smell like Taylor. It's perfect.
J
Last One, I Promise
I just need to get this out of my system.
HANNA MARIN'S HAIR CAPE.
It used to be so great then they started janking it up with crimping irons and shit. REALLY?
Case in point:
And how it was styled before:
Okay, so it's not quite a crimp but it's still foul especially compared to Hanna's previous 'do which was just phenom.
J
HANNA MARIN'S HAIR CAPE.
It used to be so great then they started janking it up with crimping irons and shit. REALLY?
Case in point:
And how it was styled before:Okay, so it's not quite a crimp but it's still foul especially compared to Hanna's previous 'do which was just phenom.
J
My Own Running PLL Commentary
Oh God. My heart is beating fast. It's good, guys. It's good.
They're totally setting it up so every single character looks suspicious. They play that creepy music when anyone other than one of the Liars comes on screen. They're making them all wear delightfully shady expressions.
IT'S GOOD, GUYS. IT'S GOOD.
I love that they shamelessly promote cliches and archetypes on this show. Stormy nights. Creepy motel owners.
...
...
Many minutes later.
So fucking disappointed.
J
They're totally setting it up so every single character looks suspicious. They play that creepy music when anyone other than one of the Liars comes on screen. They're making them all wear delightfully shady expressions.
IT'S GOOD, GUYS. IT'S GOOD.
I love that they shamelessly promote cliches and archetypes on this show. Stormy nights. Creepy motel owners.
...
...
Many minutes later.
So fucking disappointed.
J
PLL-Induced Coma
Can't even read fucking ontd now because all I want to do is go on the latest Pretty Little Liars post which is basically a running commentary of the show and I don't want to be spoiled.
Can't do homework because all I want to do is watch PLL and I keep obsessively looking to see if it's been uploaded and I can't concentrate.
Can't do anything. I'm in a PLL-induced coma, friends. It should be online before lunch, I think and hope. Then I can go back to functioning as close to normal as I did before.
J
Can't do homework because all I want to do is watch PLL and I keep obsessively looking to see if it's been uploaded and I can't concentrate.
Can't do anything. I'm in a PLL-induced coma, friends. It should be online before lunch, I think and hope. Then I can go back to functioning as close to normal as I did before.
J
Monday, March 19, 2012
Friendquest 2012
The (silent) goal: makes some friends this year.
The procedure: smile more, try to make conversation.
The progress: fair to good.
Qualitative results: have acquired several acquaintances through Aboriginal Health that I would feel comfortable saying hi to on the street.
The prognosis: will become Miss Popular of foresher medicine by year five. Hold onto your hats, people.
Seriously guys, the wonders of a smile. I've been trying (I don't really want to say this in case Big Michelle says, "I haven't noticed you trying," because that will make me sad) to smile more. I smiled at this girl called either Francesca or Joy (I can't actually remember... is this bad?) the other day at the library when she was on the computer opposite us and she gave me the most stunning smile back and it made me so happy inside. Both the smile and the fact that she recognized me.
I am a woman of simple joys. Also, apparently a friendless hermit who has never been beguiled with a smile before.
I keep checking all the download websites I usually use to see if they've put up the latest PLL episode... which hasn't even shown in the US yet so I'm basically checking stupidly and out of desperation. I just can't control myself. I'm skipping tomorrow because we have no labs so it's just two lectures. As soon as Big Michelle told me this, I was resolute on not going so I can obsesssively check the internet and watch that shit.
J
The procedure: smile more, try to make conversation.
The progress: fair to good.
Qualitative results: have acquired several acquaintances through Aboriginal Health that I would feel comfortable saying hi to on the street.
The prognosis: will become Miss Popular of foresher medicine by year five. Hold onto your hats, people.
Seriously guys, the wonders of a smile. I've been trying (I don't really want to say this in case Big Michelle says, "I haven't noticed you trying," because that will make me sad) to smile more. I smiled at this girl called either Francesca or Joy (I can't actually remember... is this bad?) the other day at the library when she was on the computer opposite us and she gave me the most stunning smile back and it made me so happy inside. Both the smile and the fact that she recognized me.
I am a woman of simple joys. Also, apparently a friendless hermit who has never been beguiled with a smile before.
I keep checking all the download websites I usually use to see if they've put up the latest PLL episode... which hasn't even shown in the US yet so I'm basically checking stupidly and out of desperation. I just can't control myself. I'm skipping tomorrow because we have no labs so it's just two lectures. As soon as Big Michelle told me this, I was resolute on not going so I can obsesssively check the internet and watch that shit.
J
Deflowerer
My anticipation for this evening/tomorrow's episode of Pretty Little Liars has grown astronomically over the last 24 hours. As in, my mind is bottled right now, I don't know what to expect, I'm scared, I'm nervous.
I'm sitting in Guild Village. I'm drinking a Browne's mocha chill that burst everywhere when I opened it. Embarrassingly, the guy that works at the laptop shop next to Guild Cafe saw me and came out to give me napkins... Ugh.
There's a uni mentor with her mentee sitting next to me, talking like a pompous asshole. She's using that really annoying, confident, authoritative voice, practically YELLING at the girl about how to structure her essays. "NUMBER YOUR PAGES, THEY REALLY LIKE NUMBERED PAGES." Shut the fuck up, stupid bitch.
Also, I can't believe I didn't comment on the sex scene between Mr. Ezra Fitz and Aria Montgomery on last week's ep of PLL. Ya'll know I love a good deflowering scene and this one was no exception. My favourite part was that, as per usual, Aria was wearing a rather untraditional shirt that involved some sort of studded-up back. For some reason, Ezra knew just how to rip apart the studs to get to the goodies underneath.
I mean, did Aria tell him prior to le sex? Is he secretly an authority on eccentric women's clothing? Is he just a quick learner?
Personally, I think being the deflowerer, not the defloweree, would be the worst. I would be very anxious and scared. It's like that time during NS lab when we were stabbing each other in the arm and I stabbed my partner's arm too hard and she yelped, "Ow." I've been traumatized by that experience which is why I think I would be the worst deflowerer in the world if I was a dude. I would keep saying, "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. OH GOD, I HATE MYSELF."
Okay, it's 4.25pm. I have another 35 minutes to wait for my brother to finish his class so I can catch a lift with him home. It's been about three hours since I finished my last class. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I do homeework for the first hour and a half after my last class then get bored then get hungry then eat then think, "Oh, haven't had a delicious Browne's mocha chill lately..."
And bam, I've consumed 10% of my daily energy intake within 10 minutes and in liquid form at that.
Update: the mentee's name is Anne-Marie. Her telling the mentor her name was probably the only time she spoke during that whole interaction and she did it in a very timid voice. I glanced at the mentor and she's one of those big-boned, blonde girls with too much spirit. CRUSH HER SPIRIT. In case you haven't realized, I hate girls/women/girl-womans like that. She's still talking. Seriously, stop talking so I can comfort poor Anne-Marie. I bet the second that mentor turns around poor, little Anne-Marie will burst into tears. I will have to comfort her and buy her a Browne's mocha chill. Dear, dear.
J
I'm sitting in Guild Village. I'm drinking a Browne's mocha chill that burst everywhere when I opened it. Embarrassingly, the guy that works at the laptop shop next to Guild Cafe saw me and came out to give me napkins... Ugh.
There's a uni mentor with her mentee sitting next to me, talking like a pompous asshole. She's using that really annoying, confident, authoritative voice, practically YELLING at the girl about how to structure her essays. "NUMBER YOUR PAGES, THEY REALLY LIKE NUMBERED PAGES." Shut the fuck up, stupid bitch.
Also, I can't believe I didn't comment on the sex scene between Mr. Ezra Fitz and Aria Montgomery on last week's ep of PLL. Ya'll know I love a good deflowering scene and this one was no exception. My favourite part was that, as per usual, Aria was wearing a rather untraditional shirt that involved some sort of studded-up back. For some reason, Ezra knew just how to rip apart the studs to get to the goodies underneath.
I mean, did Aria tell him prior to le sex? Is he secretly an authority on eccentric women's clothing? Is he just a quick learner?
Personally, I think being the deflowerer, not the defloweree, would be the worst. I would be very anxious and scared. It's like that time during NS lab when we were stabbing each other in the arm and I stabbed my partner's arm too hard and she yelped, "Ow." I've been traumatized by that experience which is why I think I would be the worst deflowerer in the world if I was a dude. I would keep saying, "I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY. OH GOD, I HATE MYSELF."
Okay, it's 4.25pm. I have another 35 minutes to wait for my brother to finish his class so I can catch a lift with him home. It's been about three hours since I finished my last class. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I do homeework for the first hour and a half after my last class then get bored then get hungry then eat then think, "Oh, haven't had a delicious Browne's mocha chill lately..."
And bam, I've consumed 10% of my daily energy intake within 10 minutes and in liquid form at that.
Update: the mentee's name is Anne-Marie. Her telling the mentor her name was probably the only time she spoke during that whole interaction and she did it in a very timid voice. I glanced at the mentor and she's one of those big-boned, blonde girls with too much spirit. CRUSH HER SPIRIT. In case you haven't realized, I hate girls/women/girl-womans like that. She's still talking. Seriously, stop talking so I can comfort poor Anne-Marie. I bet the second that mentor turns around poor, little Anne-Marie will burst into tears. I will have to comfort her and buy her a Browne's mocha chill. Dear, dear.
J
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Once
Sometimes, I can spend days questioning who I am. Not Ghandi, philosophical-esque, The Thinker pondering. Rather, thinking about my motivations.
There's an episode of Gilmore Girls in which Lorelai wonders if her whole life, all her life choices, were based on a desire to displease her mother. Did she actually like all the crap she liked or was it just to piss of her mum? Did she ever even like pop-tarts?
Right now, I'm thinking if this is really me: someone who writes about this shit or am I just trying to appear intellectual and philosophical?
Most of my "opinions" really just stem from me arguing with people for the sake of arguing. The worst victim of this is Little Mishelle. I will basically argue with her about anything she thinks because I can't help myself. Once, she asked me who I would vote for in the 2007 election, labour or liberal? Obviously, I knew she would vote labour. I told her I was unsure even thought I knew 100% I would never vote for liberal in my life (based on both my parents' beliefs and general assumptions and preconceptions about everything and the world). I told her this anyway just to argue with her or to say the opposite of what she thought.
Kim's also a pretty bad victim of this. In year nine society & environment, we were talking about terrorism. Rodic asked for a definition for terrorism and we were to discuss it in pairs. Kim said that she thought terrorism was the act of causing fear. I said I didn't think so even though, as I was saying this, I distinctly remembered this exact definition being said in year seven society & environment. I knew the definition was right. I don't even know why I said I didn't think it was right.
I have no opinions of my own.
J
There's an episode of Gilmore Girls in which Lorelai wonders if her whole life, all her life choices, were based on a desire to displease her mother. Did she actually like all the crap she liked or was it just to piss of her mum? Did she ever even like pop-tarts?
Right now, I'm thinking if this is really me: someone who writes about this shit or am I just trying to appear intellectual and philosophical?
Most of my "opinions" really just stem from me arguing with people for the sake of arguing. The worst victim of this is Little Mishelle. I will basically argue with her about anything she thinks because I can't help myself. Once, she asked me who I would vote for in the 2007 election, labour or liberal? Obviously, I knew she would vote labour. I told her I was unsure even thought I knew 100% I would never vote for liberal in my life (based on both my parents' beliefs and general assumptions and preconceptions about everything and the world). I told her this anyway just to argue with her or to say the opposite of what she thought.
Kim's also a pretty bad victim of this. In year nine society & environment, we were talking about terrorism. Rodic asked for a definition for terrorism and we were to discuss it in pairs. Kim said that she thought terrorism was the act of causing fear. I said I didn't think so even though, as I was saying this, I distinctly remembered this exact definition being said in year seven society & environment. I knew the definition was right. I don't even know why I said I didn't think it was right.
I have no opinions of my own.
J
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Being a Brainless Twat
One day, I want to punch someone in the throat. It is so badass and I want to see someone double over from pain I have inflicted on them. Preferably a child molester or something of the like.
In other news, many of my friends know me as an obsessive freak (Meg keeps judging me for my heinous tendency to rip pages out of my books and rewrite them to make them neater... I can't help it! It's a compulsion!). In regards to having crushes, these usually escalate really quickly and without any good reasoning.
For example, my anatomy tutor is a fifth year med student. The first week, I was like, "Meh. Oh good, a student tutor. Maybe he'll be an easier teacher," because all of my other tutors have been professors or just not-students so I thought it might be more fun and carefree (tits out) having a student tutor.
The second week, it occurs to me just absentmindedly that my tutor is kind of cute.
Cue two days later and I'm spilling my heart out to Big Michelle and Little Mishelle on a car ride about how I think he's cute and, after Big Michelle leaves (who was judging me), I tell Little Mishelle that NO, I don't actually have a full on CRUSH on him, I can just appreciate.
Fastfoward less than three days and things have gone south-bound. Cue me walking into anatomy in two weeks and not being able to make eye-contact with him or answer any questions (not like I did before anyway) etc. etc.
I don't think I even think he's cute. I think I just take any opportunity to act and think like a brainless twat.
But anyway, at least it gives me a distraction from stupid uni work.
And finally, for anyone who hasn't enjoyed this viewing pleasure, please see the following picture of the vocal cords and tell me that DOESN'T look like a very different part of the body:
J
In other news, many of my friends know me as an obsessive freak (Meg keeps judging me for my heinous tendency to rip pages out of my books and rewrite them to make them neater... I can't help it! It's a compulsion!). In regards to having crushes, these usually escalate really quickly and without any good reasoning.
For example, my anatomy tutor is a fifth year med student. The first week, I was like, "Meh. Oh good, a student tutor. Maybe he'll be an easier teacher," because all of my other tutors have been professors or just not-students so I thought it might be more fun and carefree (tits out) having a student tutor.
The second week, it occurs to me just absentmindedly that my tutor is kind of cute.
Cue two days later and I'm spilling my heart out to Big Michelle and Little Mishelle on a car ride about how I think he's cute and, after Big Michelle leaves (who was judging me), I tell Little Mishelle that NO, I don't actually have a full on CRUSH on him, I can just appreciate.
Fastfoward less than three days and things have gone south-bound. Cue me walking into anatomy in two weeks and not being able to make eye-contact with him or answer any questions (not like I did before anyway) etc. etc.
I don't think I even think he's cute. I think I just take any opportunity to act and think like a brainless twat.
But anyway, at least it gives me a distraction from stupid uni work.
And finally, for anyone who hasn't enjoyed this viewing pleasure, please see the following picture of the vocal cords and tell me that DOESN'T look like a very different part of the body:
J
Pins & Needes
Do you ever get ass pins and needles?
Sometimes, if I sit for too long, I get pins and needles that spreads all over my ass and ocassionally groin-wards. Is this out of the ordinary and should I see a gynae for a severe case of out-of-the-ordinary-groinery?
J
Sometimes, if I sit for too long, I get pins and needles that spreads all over my ass and ocassionally groin-wards. Is this out of the ordinary and should I see a gynae for a severe case of out-of-the-ordinary-groinery?
J
PLL
Let me start by saying that I think Lucy Hale looks like a fucking troll. Poor girl.
Secondly, the penultimate episode of this season was INSANITY. There was even a part where I was actually truly scared. Usually, the "scary" parts on PLL are just like, "Whatevs," because the show obviously also has to take into consideration that it has younger audiences. But this part was a scuzza and I had to turn down the volume and cower.
The last part with Jenna... I just don't know what to think anymore. If she fo real, is she faking it, is she good, is she bad? I'm so confused.
Last night, I even had a DREAM about PLL which is ridiculous. I can't even remember what it was... I think that in my dream Aria's father was A and that he may have been colluding with Ezra. I don't even know why. Maybe it's a premonition and it really IS him that is A. Maybe he IS colluding with Ezra, maybe even with Aria's mother as well. It's ridiculous.
I am beyond excited for Tuesday which is when I can usually watch PLL online from when it shows in the US Monday night. I just don't know what to expect. The anticipation is killing me. I love that they are actually doing the big reveal in season two rather than dragging it on for another five seasons like so many other shows.
SHAKING IN MA BOOTS, YA HEAR!
J
Secondly, the penultimate episode of this season was INSANITY. There was even a part where I was actually truly scared. Usually, the "scary" parts on PLL are just like, "Whatevs," because the show obviously also has to take into consideration that it has younger audiences. But this part was a scuzza and I had to turn down the volume and cower.
The last part with Jenna... I just don't know what to think anymore. If she fo real, is she faking it, is she good, is she bad? I'm so confused.
Last night, I even had a DREAM about PLL which is ridiculous. I can't even remember what it was... I think that in my dream Aria's father was A and that he may have been colluding with Ezra. I don't even know why. Maybe it's a premonition and it really IS him that is A. Maybe he IS colluding with Ezra, maybe even with Aria's mother as well. It's ridiculous.
I am beyond excited for Tuesday which is when I can usually watch PLL online from when it shows in the US Monday night. I just don't know what to expect. The anticipation is killing me. I love that they are actually doing the big reveal in season two rather than dragging it on for another five seasons like so many other shows.
SHAKING IN MA BOOTS, YA HEAR!
J
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Eyes Open
My beautiful Taylor:
http://snowsprout.tumblr.com/post/19302045016
Listen to it. In tears right now; she sounds so wonderful and beautiful. It's so different and obviously either a collaboration or someone wrote it for her but I think she sounds splendid and perfect. Her voice is strong and shows so much growth and maturity. She is just growing and improving everyday. My anticipation for her new album and the multitudes of albums she will put out over the rest of her lifetime gives me chills.
Her diversity and change and humour and humility and love and everything about her; I adore.
On another note, check out these: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/67303019.html#cutid1 She was totally in dangerfield trying on sunnies.
J
http://snowsprout.tumblr.com/post/19302045016
Listen to it. In tears right now; she sounds so wonderful and beautiful. It's so different and obviously either a collaboration or someone wrote it for her but I think she sounds splendid and perfect. Her voice is strong and shows so much growth and maturity. She is just growing and improving everyday. My anticipation for her new album and the multitudes of albums she will put out over the rest of her lifetime gives me chills.
Her diversity and change and humour and humility and love and everything about her; I adore.
On another note, check out these: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/67303019.html#cutid1 She was totally in dangerfield trying on sunnies.
J
100mL Worth of Love
I have three very beautiful friends who came over last night to give me something wonderful for my birthday. I now have 100mL worth of smelling like Taylor. I have 100mL worth of being reminded that I have three beautiful friends who are generous and beautiful and kind (I can still smell the perfume on me after nearly 12 hours so I will be reminded a lot).
Sometimes, after my brother gives my friends and I a lift or something, I'll say to him, "They're/she's cool, right?" And he'll say, "Yeah... I wish my friends were cool."
I'm very lucky to have friends who I can have fun with while, at the same time, I know I can talk to them and rely on them for whatever.
J
Sometimes, after my brother gives my friends and I a lift or something, I'll say to him, "They're/she's cool, right?" And he'll say, "Yeah... I wish my friends were cool."
I'm very lucky to have friends who I can have fun with while, at the same time, I know I can talk to them and rely on them for whatever.
J
AAA
If I knew how to, I would make one of those memes with the lecturer and the words, "Lecturer no put slides up. Means I don't have to do work." Except that's not funny (but it's true) so everyone would be hatin' up on me.
So yeah. The lecturer from this morning with his stupid handwritten slides hasn't put up ANY of his lectures. I got desperate so I even tried to lectopia it just to get the slides and even that hasn't gone up. As it's the only thing I have to do, this means I can watch the latest episode of Pretty Little Liars.
ONE MORE WEEK AND I FOUND OUT WHO A IS!
I'm going along with a lot of the theories that Ezra is A simply because I keep imagining him in half-dark with an evil smirk on his face as he texts malicious things to four just post-pubescent girls. Also, in the last episode, his altercation with Aria's father showed a dark side to him.
PLEASE BE EZRA. I WILL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE.
J
So yeah. The lecturer from this morning with his stupid handwritten slides hasn't put up ANY of his lectures. I got desperate so I even tried to lectopia it just to get the slides and even that hasn't gone up. As it's the only thing I have to do, this means I can watch the latest episode of Pretty Little Liars.
ONE MORE WEEK AND I FOUND OUT WHO A IS!
I'm going along with a lot of the theories that Ezra is A simply because I keep imagining him in half-dark with an evil smirk on his face as he texts malicious things to four just post-pubescent girls. Also, in the last episode, his altercation with Aria's father showed a dark side to him.
PLEASE BE EZRA. I WILL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE.
J
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Bugs
I just trapped a massive grasshopper in this tiny box. As in, I squealed when I saw it, grabbed the nearest contraption and threw the box in the general vicinity of the grasshopper. It took me two goes to get the box on top. After the first go, I used rolled-up contact paper to drag the box back into my reach.
Anyway, I can hear it hopping around in the box. Last time I did this, I came back an hour later and the box was turned over and EMPTY. I learnt my lesson. I have placed a heavy object on top of the box. I can hear the grasshopper hopping around in there like mad and it's really freaking me out.
I've been having some serious bug-o-phobia lately. Everytime I feel a hair on me or a tickling on my skin, I freak the fuck out because I think it's an insane cockroach or rabid grasshopper on me (HOLY SHIT, grasshopper did the biggest jump ever. It's so loud. It's terrifying).
Yesterday night, I'm in my room, it's a typical Tuesday night. I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like when I hear my mother say loudly (she doesn't scream about bugs but if they're really heinous she will raise her voice in poorly disguised disgust), "It flies!"
Naturally, I shit my pants.
I hear my mother get up and my brother get out of his chair in excitement. I cower in my corner of the room and listen to them scrabble around. From the door, ready to slam it shut if that thing gets any closer to me, I watch them try to spray the flying cockroach with the bug spray. On the first spray, the thing spreads its evil wings and flies towards the door!
I think bugs can sense my fear and vindictively will try to come to me.
I run back, grab the nearest thing (a binder book in this case), prepared to defend myself from this rogue beast. My mother, fearless as she is, grabs the fly swat. Now, fly swat in one hand, bug spray in the other, she swats the cockroach with the swat and then sprays the shit out of it.
It was INCREDIBLE AND DISGUSTING ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
The other day, there was another huge cockroach in the laundry. This summer, we've been getting the most foul cockroaches. Not the normal, black ones but the flying-looking ones that are brown with obvious wings and are bigger and run A LOT FUCKING FASTER (Big Michelle and Little Mishelle can give testament to this). Except they don't fly (except for the one yesterday).
This cockroach, mother douses with more bug spray. It flips over and it's got a fucking egg sack stuck to its abdomen. I had to look it up because we were theorizing that its guts had burst out in its death or it had shat itself out of fear. But it really was an egg sack. Now, I'm scared the egg sack will burst open from inside the bin and millions of cockroach nymphets will pour out and go into my mouth while I sleep.
Furthermore, the other day I opening the fridge (naturally) and out of the corner of my eye I see this black thing scurry around. It's a huge black cockroach (the normal kind but this one was massive) on the top of the fridge door.
I have been standing on stools and tip-toeing around the kitchen for the last three days because we haven't caught it yet.
It's been pretty hard.
Summer needs to end so these foul creatures will stop invading my homestead.
J
Anyway, I can hear it hopping around in the box. Last time I did this, I came back an hour later and the box was turned over and EMPTY. I learnt my lesson. I have placed a heavy object on top of the box. I can hear the grasshopper hopping around in there like mad and it's really freaking me out.
I've been having some serious bug-o-phobia lately. Everytime I feel a hair on me or a tickling on my skin, I freak the fuck out because I think it's an insane cockroach or rabid grasshopper on me (HOLY SHIT, grasshopper did the biggest jump ever. It's so loud. It's terrifying).
Yesterday night, I'm in my room, it's a typical Tuesday night. I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like when I hear my mother say loudly (she doesn't scream about bugs but if they're really heinous she will raise her voice in poorly disguised disgust), "It flies!"
Naturally, I shit my pants.
I hear my mother get up and my brother get out of his chair in excitement. I cower in my corner of the room and listen to them scrabble around. From the door, ready to slam it shut if that thing gets any closer to me, I watch them try to spray the flying cockroach with the bug spray. On the first spray, the thing spreads its evil wings and flies towards the door!
I think bugs can sense my fear and vindictively will try to come to me.
I run back, grab the nearest thing (a binder book in this case), prepared to defend myself from this rogue beast. My mother, fearless as she is, grabs the fly swat. Now, fly swat in one hand, bug spray in the other, she swats the cockroach with the swat and then sprays the shit out of it.
It was INCREDIBLE AND DISGUSTING ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
The other day, there was another huge cockroach in the laundry. This summer, we've been getting the most foul cockroaches. Not the normal, black ones but the flying-looking ones that are brown with obvious wings and are bigger and run A LOT FUCKING FASTER (Big Michelle and Little Mishelle can give testament to this). Except they don't fly (except for the one yesterday).
This cockroach, mother douses with more bug spray. It flips over and it's got a fucking egg sack stuck to its abdomen. I had to look it up because we were theorizing that its guts had burst out in its death or it had shat itself out of fear. But it really was an egg sack. Now, I'm scared the egg sack will burst open from inside the bin and millions of cockroach nymphets will pour out and go into my mouth while I sleep.
Furthermore, the other day I opening the fridge (naturally) and out of the corner of my eye I see this black thing scurry around. It's a huge black cockroach (the normal kind but this one was massive) on the top of the fridge door.
I have been standing on stools and tip-toeing around the kitchen for the last three days because we haven't caught it yet.
It's been pretty hard.
Summer needs to end so these foul creatures will stop invading my homestead.
J
Monday, March 12, 2012
Kraft Singles
Just enjoyed my first Kraft singles in probably over three years. Delicious.
Also, currently listening the shit out of U2.
J
Also, currently listening the shit out of U2.
J
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Awkward Austin
Holy goodness. Take a look at these: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/67225360.html#cutid1
If Taylor is 5'11, her brother must be AT LEAST 6'6 if not more. How have I not noticed his height before? Oh Austin. That family. Those genes. Taylor and Austin need to have babies with really tall people to continue these hilarious genetics.
Also, I bloody love that sweater she is wearing over her cute dress in these pictures.
Also... I didn't want to say anything but her brother got cute. Let's just say... he used to be a very awkward looking person:
That last one was just for lols mostly (this is an aspect of awkwardness to the Austin in keeping with the theme...).
Look at the one when they were little though. So adorable. So blonde. It's kind of weird how similar they looked as kids and now they look so different.
And more:
I've probably taken my level of Taylor love to an officially strange level by involving her family. But I don't care. I love Taylor and I love Austin! Just like I love Andrea and Scott who raised two beautiful kids.
J
If Taylor is 5'11, her brother must be AT LEAST 6'6 if not more. How have I not noticed his height before? Oh Austin. That family. Those genes. Taylor and Austin need to have babies with really tall people to continue these hilarious genetics.
Also, I bloody love that sweater she is wearing over her cute dress in these pictures.
Also... I didn't want to say anything but her brother got cute. Let's just say... he used to be a very awkward looking person:
That last one was just for lols mostly (this is an aspect of awkwardness to the Austin in keeping with the theme...).
Look at the one when they were little though. So adorable. So blonde. It's kind of weird how similar they looked as kids and now they look so different.
And more:
I've probably taken my level of Taylor love to an officially strange level by involving her family. But I don't care. I love Taylor and I love Austin! Just like I love Andrea and Scott who raised two beautiful kids.
J
Rectal Application
So, there's a question in this week's anatomy lab about what anatomical difference explains the differences in metabolism of paracetamol for oral versus rectal application.
Since when do we have rectal paracetamol application? Do we shove the pill up there? NO BUENO.
J
Since when do we have rectal paracetamol application? Do we shove the pill up there? NO BUENO.
J
Lasagne
I love lasagne.
The other day at cadaver lab, so many people had their books and things just flung all over the dissecting table, on these damp cloths they use to cover the cadavers. I was like, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? YOU WILL ALL GET CREUTZFELDT JAKOB DISEASE. ALL OF YOU. DON'T TOUCH ME."
Still searching for that person who put his dirty gloved hand on my back while we were standing around, listening to a demonstrator explain something. I seriously suspect it was one of my friends because who would actually do that to someone they didn't know? Then again, it's obvious these people have no concept of hygiene or personal space or logic.
Also, This Means War is potentially Oscar material. Hurr? It was enjoyable. I am also a Tom Hardy convert now. I've loved Chris Pine since Princess Diaries 2 for obvious reasons (whistling + closet + horses + ethics and morals + dress shirts + arrogance + pride and prejudice + other great stuff) so obviously I found him a total hotsy totsy in this Academy Award Masterpiece. But, surprisingly, I was more attracted to Tom Hardy with that underdog flare. Also, sex scene with Elle + Chris Pine? Um, yes please. It was enormously wonderful. What a dinosaur.
J
The other day at cadaver lab, so many people had their books and things just flung all over the dissecting table, on these damp cloths they use to cover the cadavers. I was like, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? YOU WILL ALL GET CREUTZFELDT JAKOB DISEASE. ALL OF YOU. DON'T TOUCH ME."
Still searching for that person who put his dirty gloved hand on my back while we were standing around, listening to a demonstrator explain something. I seriously suspect it was one of my friends because who would actually do that to someone they didn't know? Then again, it's obvious these people have no concept of hygiene or personal space or logic.
Also, This Means War is potentially Oscar material. Hurr? It was enjoyable. I am also a Tom Hardy convert now. I've loved Chris Pine since Princess Diaries 2 for obvious reasons (whistling + closet + horses + ethics and morals + dress shirts + arrogance + pride and prejudice + other great stuff) so obviously I found him a total hotsy totsy in this Academy Award Masterpiece. But, surprisingly, I was more attracted to Tom Hardy with that underdog flare. Also, sex scene with Elle + Chris Pine? Um, yes please. It was enormously wonderful. What a dinosaur.
J
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Does It Matter?
Just borrowed a pirated copy of This Means War from a family friend. Is it wrong that my anticipation in watching this had quadrupled in the last 15 minutes and now I can't wait to watch it? What's better than a hotsy totsy Chris Pine and a less hotsy totsy (but still hotsy) Tom Hardy fighting over an adorable and pert Elle Woods? They (The Establishment) says it's a B-grade movie? By B, I guess they mean BRILLIANT. Brilliant plotline. So imaginative. So unique.
I've spent the better portion of the day doing three lectures. I don't know why but it takes me FOREVER to get through lectures. I wasn't even watching these lectures. I was just typing up the notes from the annotations I'd done on the slides. It took me two hours to do the first one and progressively more for each lecture. It's tiresome. I managed to get through all of the Coldplay albums in that time. It's really great background music. Soothing and catchy but I think all the songs sound really similar... But is there something wrong with that? They have a sound and they stick to it and it sounds good. I don't know; sometimes "change" is overrated. In Speak Now, my least favourite songs are probably Haunted and Revenge which are the two least Taylor-like songs on the album. I know what I like and I like what I know. Give me Enchanted and Mine and I'm happy.
We got our GP placements yesterday night (I got a kick out of all the meddy kids who were checking moodle on a Friday night; I felt less alone). My GP's in Padbury which is fairly easy to drive to. I'm really anxious because I function so poorly when doing these placement and community things. I just can't. I get so awkward and, besides the social aspects, I'm so dumb. I feel constantly dumb and out of my depth on these things. I can't answer questions. I don't know anything. But I really want to dominate this placement so am going to go all out and read through all my notes from last year and do a lot of research and revision on all the clinical practice stuff and aspects of theory.
I've been battling my OCD-tendencies this year. I don't really like saying OCD-tendencies because I know there are a lot of cats out there who actually have clinical OCD and it's really hard. Let's just say I have obsessive behaviours. I keep trying to tell myself, "Does it matter?" every time I get caught up in something. No, no, it doesn't matter. No, no, no! Stains on my diary! Creases in my sheets! Un-straight writing! Does it matter?
Does it matter? I've been remembering this Gilmore Girls episode in the first season in which Rory gets told by the Chilton counsellor to make friends because she spends all her lunchtimes reading and listening to her walkman (because this was 2000, friends, and that was cutting edge technology). She was happy with it. I would love to do that. I love holing up in my own little area and just doing things by myself and being by myself. But it would be better if I was more like Rory in that, if I wanted to, I could still function socially. And while I like holing up, I also like friends.
I've been using Big Michelle shamelessly thus far and have met some of her international friends. Just briefly and acquaintance-y but still. It's better than nothing.
Let me give you an example of my social awkwardness. Yesterday arvo, we had histology lab and I partnered with this girl from a couple of my tutes who I didn't know very well. Besides the fact that we'd gone for chicken rice earlier in the day and hence I had a bit of chicken breath (hence a few huge slugs of cold water and liberal application of breath mints), it was really hot and uncomfortable. She's quite a friendly girl.
She sits in her chair and says something along the lines of, "Ugh, my seat's all wet. I went to the beach earlier. Just telling you in case you think it's sweat or something. Hurr hurr." All pleasant like. I smile pleasantly as I can but I can't think of anything to say! What do I say? Naturally, I go for something completely inappropriate like mumbling, "Oh hurr hurr, that's fine."
DOES IT MATTER?
Should be my catchphrase.
J
I've spent the better portion of the day doing three lectures. I don't know why but it takes me FOREVER to get through lectures. I wasn't even watching these lectures. I was just typing up the notes from the annotations I'd done on the slides. It took me two hours to do the first one and progressively more for each lecture. It's tiresome. I managed to get through all of the Coldplay albums in that time. It's really great background music. Soothing and catchy but I think all the songs sound really similar... But is there something wrong with that? They have a sound and they stick to it and it sounds good. I don't know; sometimes "change" is overrated. In Speak Now, my least favourite songs are probably Haunted and Revenge which are the two least Taylor-like songs on the album. I know what I like and I like what I know. Give me Enchanted and Mine and I'm happy.
We got our GP placements yesterday night (I got a kick out of all the meddy kids who were checking moodle on a Friday night; I felt less alone). My GP's in Padbury which is fairly easy to drive to. I'm really anxious because I function so poorly when doing these placement and community things. I just can't. I get so awkward and, besides the social aspects, I'm so dumb. I feel constantly dumb and out of my depth on these things. I can't answer questions. I don't know anything. But I really want to dominate this placement so am going to go all out and read through all my notes from last year and do a lot of research and revision on all the clinical practice stuff and aspects of theory.
I've been battling my OCD-tendencies this year. I don't really like saying OCD-tendencies because I know there are a lot of cats out there who actually have clinical OCD and it's really hard. Let's just say I have obsessive behaviours. I keep trying to tell myself, "Does it matter?" every time I get caught up in something. No, no, it doesn't matter. No, no, no! Stains on my diary! Creases in my sheets! Un-straight writing! Does it matter?
Does it matter? I've been remembering this Gilmore Girls episode in the first season in which Rory gets told by the Chilton counsellor to make friends because she spends all her lunchtimes reading and listening to her walkman (because this was 2000, friends, and that was cutting edge technology). She was happy with it. I would love to do that. I love holing up in my own little area and just doing things by myself and being by myself. But it would be better if I was more like Rory in that, if I wanted to, I could still function socially. And while I like holing up, I also like friends.
I've been using Big Michelle shamelessly thus far and have met some of her international friends. Just briefly and acquaintance-y but still. It's better than nothing.
Let me give you an example of my social awkwardness. Yesterday arvo, we had histology lab and I partnered with this girl from a couple of my tutes who I didn't know very well. Besides the fact that we'd gone for chicken rice earlier in the day and hence I had a bit of chicken breath (hence a few huge slugs of cold water and liberal application of breath mints), it was really hot and uncomfortable. She's quite a friendly girl.
She sits in her chair and says something along the lines of, "Ugh, my seat's all wet. I went to the beach earlier. Just telling you in case you think it's sweat or something. Hurr hurr." All pleasant like. I smile pleasantly as I can but I can't think of anything to say! What do I say? Naturally, I go for something completely inappropriate like mumbling, "Oh hurr hurr, that's fine."
DOES IT MATTER?
Should be my catchphrase.
J
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I Got My Ear Syringed
For those who don't know, I've been walking around half deaf for the last five days after some bitch in my FCP tute stuck an otoscope halfway to Africa down my ear. I was walking around with a blocked ear... as in, it felt like I'd just gone swimming except I couldn't shake the water out.
I went to the doctor today who confirmed that I had some lovely earwax clogging my lovely hearing-hole. When I told him what happened he basically spent five minutes asking me what units I was doing and then he reminisced about FCP with me. He was quite a lovely doctor. Except he then assumed I apparently knew EVERYTHING about doctoring because he took out his otoscope and his mouth-scope-thingy and his nose-scope-thingy and was like, "Blah blah blah," and I was like, "FUCK, SHUT UP. I JUST FOUND OUT WHAT A LIVER IS."
And then he was all, "So, did you have any ear problems as a kid?" and I was all, "No... I think I had an ear infection when I was little but that was it," then he was all, "Any otitis media?" and I was like, "Fuck, shut up. Am I in an NS exam? No."
I exaggerate. He was actually a really nice doctor.
I waited 20 minutes for the nurse to syringe my ear which basically involved her spurting warm water into my ear to flush out the crap and debris. It was AMAZING. It was like there was an ocean in my ear. It was like it was spurting all over my brain because it felt like water was coming out of my eye too. I wish the nurse had shown me my ear-debris because I did a little research before I went and apparently it's super gross and glorious. I'm pretty cut I didn't get to experience that phenomena.
It was FANTASTIC. I recommend EVERYONE get an ear syringe. Don't let the name dissuade you; you don't actually have someone stick a syringe in your ear.
J
I went to the doctor today who confirmed that I had some lovely earwax clogging my lovely hearing-hole. When I told him what happened he basically spent five minutes asking me what units I was doing and then he reminisced about FCP with me. He was quite a lovely doctor. Except he then assumed I apparently knew EVERYTHING about doctoring because he took out his otoscope and his mouth-scope-thingy and his nose-scope-thingy and was like, "Blah blah blah," and I was like, "FUCK, SHUT UP. I JUST FOUND OUT WHAT A LIVER IS."
And then he was all, "So, did you have any ear problems as a kid?" and I was all, "No... I think I had an ear infection when I was little but that was it," then he was all, "Any otitis media?" and I was like, "Fuck, shut up. Am I in an NS exam? No."
I exaggerate. He was actually a really nice doctor.
I waited 20 minutes for the nurse to syringe my ear which basically involved her spurting warm water into my ear to flush out the crap and debris. It was AMAZING. It was like there was an ocean in my ear. It was like it was spurting all over my brain because it felt like water was coming out of my eye too. I wish the nurse had shown me my ear-debris because I did a little research before I went and apparently it's super gross and glorious. I'm pretty cut I didn't get to experience that phenomena.
It was FANTASTIC. I recommend EVERYONE get an ear syringe. Don't let the name dissuade you; you don't actually have someone stick a syringe in your ear.
J
Lounging!
The sexual tension on Pretty Little Liars is so palpable that I want to palpate it like I would someone's supraclavicular lymph nodes or, alternatively, your mother. I want a frenetic sexual manege trois between Spencer, Wren and Toby (even with that heinous foot face... which countered with Wren's sexy accent would be made tolerable) and I will die happy.
Lounging at home right now as I have the "day off" (that is to say: four lectures I'm skipping). Going to do some work, have a doctor's appointment at 2.15pm then I'm going to seriously consider buying some Taylor Swift merchandise from her online Aust store.
J
Lounging at home right now as I have the "day off" (that is to say: four lectures I'm skipping). Going to do some work, have a doctor's appointment at 2.15pm then I'm going to seriously consider buying some Taylor Swift merchandise from her online Aust store.
J
Monday, March 5, 2012
Post Secret
So, basically the greatest post that has ever been on ontd: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/67029318.html
Thanks to Big Michelle for alerting me to thing. We exchanged post secrets, me and her, for a good 20 minutes last night. I thought that, in honour of that, I would share some here and, in honour of that, you could comment with one of your own. In the interest of knowing each other more intimately than we already do. Because intimate is good. Just ask your mum.
1. I'm incredibly clumsy and careless (except compared to Kim). We have these photo frames hung up next to the dining table. Within a week of each other, I walked past and managed to break two...
2. I've had one near death experience. My family and I were hiking in a national park in China. You can imagine the safety regulations aren't very good there. It was near a waterfall and river so all the stones and footpaths were really slippery and mossy. I stupidly stepped onto a slopey part and nearly fell 20m into a rocky lake underneath the waterfall. I twisted my ankle and my dad grabbed me just in time.
Once, I was standing on the back of a golf cart in Malaysia. We were stationary so I wasn't holding on then the family friends I were with suddenly drove off super quickly (crazy Asians) and I grabbed on just in time. That probably doesn't count as near death but that was seriously scary
3. I went through a phase of hating my dad for no good reason from ages 13-14. The sound of his breathing would frustrate me to the point where I had to leave the room. The thing was, I thought he was a great guy but he seemed so obnoxious to me.
4. I just shared this one with Big Michelle but sometimes I think of (seriously) critical and mean things about people when I'm with them or when I'm facebook stalking them and I imagine I accidentally say them or type a mean comment and I freak out. I have to log out of facebook or I get really tongue-tied if I'm speaking to them in person.
5. I used to play kiss-chasy with this boy in pre-primary to the point where his mother told me to stop. Obviously, I was sexually developed at a very young age. I never got that kiss. My family still makes fun of me for this. Most of you probably know this boy.
6. I once saw Caitlin Stasey in person when I went to a screening of Tomorrow When the War Began. She was really small and kept grabbing the heel of her boot as she stood at the front.
7. Big Michelle kept kicking my folder which was on the ground in our FCP tute today and it made me really anxious because it's unhygienic. I didn't say anything but I kept looking at her disgusting foot touching my folder. I think she noticed because she stopped after that.
8. My biggest fear is going deaf.
9. My family has a history of going blind and serious eye problems. My dad's brother has a disease that made him blind over several years. He divorced his wife and moved to some small town and stopped seeing his kids. He became severely depressed. I don't really know what happened after that. I think it's ongoing.
10. My dad has 20 siblings, four stepmothers and (obviously) one real mother. Most of his siblings were given to relatives or put up for adoption. He never knew his real mother who left with one of her daughters when he was young.
11. My dad's dad used to beat his wives and children.
12. In year seven or eight, we had this youngish, good looking phys-ed teacher who we shall call Mr. Time. There was this girl called Renee who let's just say was very developed for her age. Once, she went up to him and pushed her boobs out in his face. He just looked at them with this smile on his face. I was like, "Caught, son," except not.
13. In year 11 maths class, my period bled through my pants and got EVERYWHERE. On my shirt, on my chair and, as you can imagine, all over my pants. I was completely traumatized and wrapped my jumper around my waist and got my friends to stand around me as we left the school. That same year, I basically bled all over my chair in economics. I thought my period had finished but you know how it can sneak up on you sometimes? Yeah, so that happened. I waddled to the bathroom, cleaned myself up and somehow managed to secretly clean my chair.
14. I basically get a huge crush on any boy that pays any attention to me.
15. I am secretly scared of my nether regions and have never used a tampon. I have this fear that I'll use one and when I try to take it out the string will break off and I'll have a tampon stuck in me and I'll have to stick my hand up there to get it out. It scares the fuck out of me.
16. This is like the 14th edit because I keep thinking of secrets to write. When I was in primary school (like year two or three) before I was friends with Little Mishelle, I was on the playground. There was this slide thing except it was just made out of two beams that you hooked your legs around and slid down. I had one hand on one of the beams and was sort of leaning there, chatting to a friend (if year twos actually chat with friends...) and I didn't see Little Mishelle go down the slide and apparently she didn't see me because she slid right into my arm. Like, her crotch area slid into my arm really hard. I think I bruised her cooter because next thing she's hopping around and clutching her vaginal area. I was like, "Oh my fucking God," and felt so bad. I didn't say anything. This is the first time I've ever written/said it but this memory has haunted me for all these years
That's all for now.
J
Thanks to Big Michelle for alerting me to thing. We exchanged post secrets, me and her, for a good 20 minutes last night. I thought that, in honour of that, I would share some here and, in honour of that, you could comment with one of your own. In the interest of knowing each other more intimately than we already do. Because intimate is good. Just ask your mum.
1. I'm incredibly clumsy and careless (except compared to Kim). We have these photo frames hung up next to the dining table. Within a week of each other, I walked past and managed to break two...
2. I've had one near death experience. My family and I were hiking in a national park in China. You can imagine the safety regulations aren't very good there. It was near a waterfall and river so all the stones and footpaths were really slippery and mossy. I stupidly stepped onto a slopey part and nearly fell 20m into a rocky lake underneath the waterfall. I twisted my ankle and my dad grabbed me just in time.
Once, I was standing on the back of a golf cart in Malaysia. We were stationary so I wasn't holding on then the family friends I were with suddenly drove off super quickly (crazy Asians) and I grabbed on just in time. That probably doesn't count as near death but that was seriously scary
3. I went through a phase of hating my dad for no good reason from ages 13-14. The sound of his breathing would frustrate me to the point where I had to leave the room. The thing was, I thought he was a great guy but he seemed so obnoxious to me.
4. I just shared this one with Big Michelle but sometimes I think of (seriously) critical and mean things about people when I'm with them or when I'm facebook stalking them and I imagine I accidentally say them or type a mean comment and I freak out. I have to log out of facebook or I get really tongue-tied if I'm speaking to them in person.
5. I used to play kiss-chasy with this boy in pre-primary to the point where his mother told me to stop. Obviously, I was sexually developed at a very young age. I never got that kiss. My family still makes fun of me for this. Most of you probably know this boy.
6. I once saw Caitlin Stasey in person when I went to a screening of Tomorrow When the War Began. She was really small and kept grabbing the heel of her boot as she stood at the front.
7. Big Michelle kept kicking my folder which was on the ground in our FCP tute today and it made me really anxious because it's unhygienic. I didn't say anything but I kept looking at her disgusting foot touching my folder. I think she noticed because she stopped after that.
8. My biggest fear is going deaf.
9. My family has a history of going blind and serious eye problems. My dad's brother has a disease that made him blind over several years. He divorced his wife and moved to some small town and stopped seeing his kids. He became severely depressed. I don't really know what happened after that. I think it's ongoing.
10. My dad has 20 siblings, four stepmothers and (obviously) one real mother. Most of his siblings were given to relatives or put up for adoption. He never knew his real mother who left with one of her daughters when he was young.
11. My dad's dad used to beat his wives and children.
12. In year seven or eight, we had this youngish, good looking phys-ed teacher who we shall call Mr. Time. There was this girl called Renee who let's just say was very developed for her age. Once, she went up to him and pushed her boobs out in his face. He just looked at them with this smile on his face. I was like, "Caught, son," except not.
13. In year 11 maths class, my period bled through my pants and got EVERYWHERE. On my shirt, on my chair and, as you can imagine, all over my pants. I was completely traumatized and wrapped my jumper around my waist and got my friends to stand around me as we left the school. That same year, I basically bled all over my chair in economics. I thought my period had finished but you know how it can sneak up on you sometimes? Yeah, so that happened. I waddled to the bathroom, cleaned myself up and somehow managed to secretly clean my chair.
14. I basically get a huge crush on any boy that pays any attention to me.
15. I am secretly scared of my nether regions and have never used a tampon. I have this fear that I'll use one and when I try to take it out the string will break off and I'll have a tampon stuck in me and I'll have to stick my hand up there to get it out. It scares the fuck out of me.
16. This is like the 14th edit because I keep thinking of secrets to write. When I was in primary school (like year two or three) before I was friends with Little Mishelle, I was on the playground. There was this slide thing except it was just made out of two beams that you hooked your legs around and slid down. I had one hand on one of the beams and was sort of leaning there, chatting to a friend (if year twos actually chat with friends...) and I didn't see Little Mishelle go down the slide and apparently she didn't see me because she slid right into my arm. Like, her crotch area slid into my arm really hard. I think I bruised her cooter because next thing she's hopping around and clutching her vaginal area. I was like, "Oh my fucking God," and felt so bad. I didn't say anything. This is the first time I've ever written/said it but this memory has haunted me for all these years
That's all for now.
J
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Wonderstruck
I smell like Taylor.
They gave out free samples of Wonderstruck at the concert and I put some on this afternoon. It's just like she described it in that Ellen interview, with the whimsical voice and all. Raspberries and freesia and the rest of it. I think I'll buy a bottle eventually.
J
They gave out free samples of Wonderstruck at the concert and I put some on this afternoon. It's just like she described it in that Ellen interview, with the whimsical voice and all. Raspberries and freesia and the rest of it. I think I'll buy a bottle eventually.
J
When She Smiles
I told my mother Taylor was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. I used to think her smile was the most unattractive part about her. In fact, her smile is the most attractive part about her. It lights up her face and she looks completely angelic when she smiles.
J
J
Taylor
There was a moment. My heart started racing as the lights changed and we all knew she was about to come out on stage. There were so many screams and yelps and unnatural sounds coming from the audience.
The next second, she was there.
I couldn't believe she was real and not just a figment of my imagination. She was, in the words of "Sparks Fly," "close enough to touch" but not quite. At her closest, she was probably 5-10m away. I couldn't believe she was standing there and real and wearing her gold, flappy dress.
I felt completely overwhelmed. It was just so strange, wonderful but strange and unbelievable. I could see the hairs on her arms glinting in the stage lights. I could see real strands of her hair. I could see her fringe start to get clumpy as the night went out and the sweat and oil on her face increased. I could see her red lipstick and the black boots that she's had for so long. I saw the purple halter dress I've seen on youtube so many times as she sang "Dear John" or her acoustic/ukelele version of "Fearless."
It brought me to tears.
She sung so beautifully. I know I rag on her singing abilities quite a lot, especially for a fan, but she really does sing beautifully. She has either gotten a lot better or she just sounds better actually live rather than live over the internet. Her voice has a beautiful quality. She can sing strongly but delicately at the same time.
It was like being deaf for my whole life then suddenly being able to hear. It's nothing like listening to her album or on youtube. There were these nuances and tones in her voice that I had never heard before. They were all perfect.
For me, hearing her sing live gave a whole new meaning to so many of the songs and lyrics. I could hear her emotion in the songs. I've always liked "Last Kiss" but hearing her sing it and seeing the emotion in her face was just so amazing and I found myself crying and swept up in the moment.
Even as she sang "Better Than Revenge," which has never been one of my favourite songs, the line, "She's not a saint and she's not what you think, she's an actress," just struck a new chord with me. It might have been acting but I saw this passion and feeling in Taylor and in her voice and the words and song just meant something more to me than a typical, cliched bitch-revenge song.
I have watched so many youtube videos of her that I have basically memorized her face and her mannerisms. I can tell you how her mouth moves as she sings certain lines in "Fearless." I can tell you the moment she's going to raise her hands in her heart salute. Seeing it all in front of me was so surreal.
Seeing her "Mean" costume in person, seeing her perfect side-braid, seeing her weird red leather bandage dress for "Better Than Revenge." It was so wonderful and amazing and bizarre.
Seeing Caitlin and Liz and Grant and Amos and even that one bodyguard I've seen so many times was so incredible. They were so close, guys. That one blonde dancer I saw on some of Taylor's pictures blog; I always thought to myself, "Who is this stranger bitch?" because I'd never seen her in any of Taylor's video blogs. She was beautiful and did a short ballet performance before Enchanted. Liz was adorable and sweet and perfect. Caitlin and Liz's synchronized dance moves were amazing.
As for Taylor, she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I will always have "the look on her face in the back of my mind." Even from a distance and through many heads, I could see how clear and beautiful her blue eyes were and how perfect her skin was and the hair. It looked so soft and perfect. The first hair shake/toss/flip literally electrified me. It was crazy! I didn't expect the hair toss to be so insane but it was, she put her whole body into it and her hair went every direction. It messed up her fringe completely but I loved that she went for it anyway and didn't give a shit.
My legs were killing me by the end and I thought I might fall over but I didn't and it was 100% worth it. I love Taylor so much and I know this won't be the last time I see her. I can't wait to see what she puts out next and my only regret is that I didn't get to see the Fearless tour which was amazing.
Every time I just think about last night and think about Taylor I start to cry. I don't know why I was so emotional about it and still am given I don't consider myself an overly-emotional person. I think part of it is I never expected to see her in real life so it was an incredible privilege to see her in the flesh.
I just can't believe that this is the same person I've been watching and loving for years from across the world. I can't believe this is the person who was in "You Belong With Me" with Lucas Till and up there with Kanye and dueting with Zac and being perfect and sparkly and amazing and inspirational and beautiful. I love her so much. I just love her with my whole heart. She is so wonderful, guys.
J
The next second, she was there.
I couldn't believe she was real and not just a figment of my imagination. She was, in the words of "Sparks Fly," "close enough to touch" but not quite. At her closest, she was probably 5-10m away. I couldn't believe she was standing there and real and wearing her gold, flappy dress.
I felt completely overwhelmed. It was just so strange, wonderful but strange and unbelievable. I could see the hairs on her arms glinting in the stage lights. I could see real strands of her hair. I could see her fringe start to get clumpy as the night went out and the sweat and oil on her face increased. I could see her red lipstick and the black boots that she's had for so long. I saw the purple halter dress I've seen on youtube so many times as she sang "Dear John" or her acoustic/ukelele version of "Fearless."
It brought me to tears.
She sung so beautifully. I know I rag on her singing abilities quite a lot, especially for a fan, but she really does sing beautifully. She has either gotten a lot better or she just sounds better actually live rather than live over the internet. Her voice has a beautiful quality. She can sing strongly but delicately at the same time.
It was like being deaf for my whole life then suddenly being able to hear. It's nothing like listening to her album or on youtube. There were these nuances and tones in her voice that I had never heard before. They were all perfect.
For me, hearing her sing live gave a whole new meaning to so many of the songs and lyrics. I could hear her emotion in the songs. I've always liked "Last Kiss" but hearing her sing it and seeing the emotion in her face was just so amazing and I found myself crying and swept up in the moment.
Even as she sang "Better Than Revenge," which has never been one of my favourite songs, the line, "She's not a saint and she's not what you think, she's an actress," just struck a new chord with me. It might have been acting but I saw this passion and feeling in Taylor and in her voice and the words and song just meant something more to me than a typical, cliched bitch-revenge song.
I have watched so many youtube videos of her that I have basically memorized her face and her mannerisms. I can tell you how her mouth moves as she sings certain lines in "Fearless." I can tell you the moment she's going to raise her hands in her heart salute. Seeing it all in front of me was so surreal.
Seeing her "Mean" costume in person, seeing her perfect side-braid, seeing her weird red leather bandage dress for "Better Than Revenge." It was so wonderful and amazing and bizarre.
Seeing Caitlin and Liz and Grant and Amos and even that one bodyguard I've seen so many times was so incredible. They were so close, guys. That one blonde dancer I saw on some of Taylor's pictures blog; I always thought to myself, "Who is this stranger bitch?" because I'd never seen her in any of Taylor's video blogs. She was beautiful and did a short ballet performance before Enchanted. Liz was adorable and sweet and perfect. Caitlin and Liz's synchronized dance moves were amazing.
As for Taylor, she is the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I will always have "the look on her face in the back of my mind." Even from a distance and through many heads, I could see how clear and beautiful her blue eyes were and how perfect her skin was and the hair. It looked so soft and perfect. The first hair shake/toss/flip literally electrified me. It was crazy! I didn't expect the hair toss to be so insane but it was, she put her whole body into it and her hair went every direction. It messed up her fringe completely but I loved that she went for it anyway and didn't give a shit.
My legs were killing me by the end and I thought I might fall over but I didn't and it was 100% worth it. I love Taylor so much and I know this won't be the last time I see her. I can't wait to see what she puts out next and my only regret is that I didn't get to see the Fearless tour which was amazing.
Every time I just think about last night and think about Taylor I start to cry. I don't know why I was so emotional about it and still am given I don't consider myself an overly-emotional person. I think part of it is I never expected to see her in real life so it was an incredible privilege to see her in the flesh.
I just can't believe that this is the same person I've been watching and loving for years from across the world. I can't believe this is the person who was in "You Belong With Me" with Lucas Till and up there with Kanye and dueting with Zac and being perfect and sparkly and amazing and inspirational and beautiful. I love her so much. I just love her with my whole heart. She is so wonderful, guys.
J
Thursday, March 1, 2012
So, I Had a Bad Day
Worst fucking day of uni probably in the last semester and a half.
First off, 8am classes all the way to 2pm. One hour lunch then a 3-4pm tute. Finally, Big Michelle and I set off for home. At Esplanade, we go to take a connecting bus to Wellington and accidentally hop back on a bus to uni... We get off on Mounts Bay Road.
She says to me, "Reckon we can jump the baricade?" because there's a baricade separating either side of the road. Next thing I know, I glance over and see her scurrying across the road in her diaphanous purple blousette. She jumps the baricade, waits for like five cars to pass (this is a big main road, they are going quickly) then she dashes to the other side. Meanwhile, I'm standing there, gaping at her and making wild hand gestures. I stupidly follow her and nearly get killed. When I get to the middle bit with the baricade, suddenly a whole bunch of cars wildly appear and I'm stuck there for at least a minute waiting for all the cars. I think I got honked for being a wild and dangerous youth. I nearly trip over the baricade and land on my face which would have undoubtedly resulted in me being killed by the car that was quickly advancing in my direction.
To top it all off, sixth year medical student used the otoscope in my ear and shoved it way too far in so now my ear feels all fuzzy and weird and gross and I'm hoping I can just sleep it off.
These fuckers.
Lastly (but chronologically firstly in my list of crappy things that happened today), I'm sunburnt from the cultural tour we took in King's Park for our Aboriginal Health unit. The tour guide had obviously done this tour about a million times because it was like he was reading off a script. I don't know if this is politically incorrect but as I was sitting there, listening to him tell a story about how some spiritual being picked up tiny spiritual children rocks and then the other spiritual children rocks got angry so started pecking at her head (and apparently this is why magpies peck at our heads because they're secretly spiritual children rocks), I thought to myself, "Wow, and I thought the bible was full of shit."
Is this wrong?
J
First off, 8am classes all the way to 2pm. One hour lunch then a 3-4pm tute. Finally, Big Michelle and I set off for home. At Esplanade, we go to take a connecting bus to Wellington and accidentally hop back on a bus to uni... We get off on Mounts Bay Road.
She says to me, "Reckon we can jump the baricade?" because there's a baricade separating either side of the road. Next thing I know, I glance over and see her scurrying across the road in her diaphanous purple blousette. She jumps the baricade, waits for like five cars to pass (this is a big main road, they are going quickly) then she dashes to the other side. Meanwhile, I'm standing there, gaping at her and making wild hand gestures. I stupidly follow her and nearly get killed. When I get to the middle bit with the baricade, suddenly a whole bunch of cars wildly appear and I'm stuck there for at least a minute waiting for all the cars. I think I got honked for being a wild and dangerous youth. I nearly trip over the baricade and land on my face which would have undoubtedly resulted in me being killed by the car that was quickly advancing in my direction.
To top it all off, sixth year medical student used the otoscope in my ear and shoved it way too far in so now my ear feels all fuzzy and weird and gross and I'm hoping I can just sleep it off.
These fuckers.
Lastly (but chronologically firstly in my list of crappy things that happened today), I'm sunburnt from the cultural tour we took in King's Park for our Aboriginal Health unit. The tour guide had obviously done this tour about a million times because it was like he was reading off a script. I don't know if this is politically incorrect but as I was sitting there, listening to him tell a story about how some spiritual being picked up tiny spiritual children rocks and then the other spiritual children rocks got angry so started pecking at her head (and apparently this is why magpies peck at our heads because they're secretly spiritual children rocks), I thought to myself, "Wow, and I thought the bible was full of shit."
Is this wrong?
J
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