Does It Matter?

Just borrowed a pirated copy of This Means War from a family friend. Is it wrong that my anticipation in watching this had quadrupled in the last 15 minutes and now I can't wait to watch it? What's better than a hotsy totsy Chris Pine and a less hotsy totsy (but still hotsy) Tom Hardy fighting over an adorable and pert Elle Woods? They (The Establishment) says it's a B-grade movie? By B, I guess they mean BRILLIANT. Brilliant plotline. So imaginative. So unique.

I've spent the better portion of the day doing three lectures. I don't know why but it takes me FOREVER to get through lectures. I wasn't even watching these lectures. I was just typing up the notes from the annotations I'd done on the slides. It took me two hours to do the first one and progressively more for each lecture. It's tiresome. I managed to get through all of the Coldplay albums in that time. It's really great background music. Soothing and catchy but I think all the songs sound really similar... But is there something wrong with that? They have a sound and they stick to it and it sounds good. I don't know; sometimes "change" is overrated. In Speak Now, my least favourite songs are probably Haunted and Revenge which are the two least Taylor-like songs on the album. I know what I like and I like what I know. Give me Enchanted and Mine and I'm happy.

We got our GP placements yesterday night (I got a kick out of all the meddy kids who were checking moodle on a Friday night; I felt less alone). My GP's in Padbury which is fairly easy to drive to. I'm really anxious because I function so poorly when doing these placement and community things. I just can't. I get so awkward and, besides the social aspects, I'm so dumb. I feel constantly dumb and out of my depth on these things. I can't answer questions. I don't know anything. But I really want to dominate this placement so am going to go all out and read through all my notes from last year and do a lot of research and revision on all the clinical practice stuff and aspects of theory.

I've been battling my OCD-tendencies this year. I don't really like saying OCD-tendencies because I know there are a lot of cats out there who actually have clinical OCD and it's really hard. Let's just say I have obsessive behaviours. I keep trying to tell myself, "Does it matter?" every time I get caught up in something. No, no, it doesn't matter. No, no, no! Stains on my diary! Creases in my sheets! Un-straight writing! Does it matter?

Does it matter? I've been remembering this Gilmore Girls episode in the first season in which Rory gets told by the Chilton counsellor to make friends because she spends all her lunchtimes reading and listening to her walkman (because this was 2000, friends, and that was cutting edge technology). She was happy with it. I would love to do that. I love holing up in my own little area and just doing things by myself and being by myself. But it would be better if I was more like Rory in that, if I wanted to, I could still function socially. And while I like holing up, I also like friends.

I've been using Big Michelle shamelessly thus far and have met some of her international friends. Just briefly and acquaintance-y but still. It's better than nothing.

Let me give you an example of my social awkwardness. Yesterday arvo, we had histology lab and I partnered with this girl from a couple of my tutes who I didn't know very well. Besides the fact that we'd gone for chicken rice earlier in the day and hence I had a bit of chicken breath (hence a few huge slugs of cold water and liberal application of breath mints), it was really hot and uncomfortable. She's quite a friendly girl.

She sits in her chair and says something along the lines of, "Ugh, my seat's all wet. I went to the beach earlier. Just telling you in case you think it's sweat or something. Hurr hurr." All pleasant like. I smile pleasantly as I can but I can't think of anything to say! What do I say? Naturally, I go for something completely inappropriate like mumbling, "Oh hurr hurr, that's fine."

DOES IT MATTER?

Should be my catchphrase.

J