Apocalypse Now

I'm a big fan of apocalypse movies. They let me explore my adventurous side from the comfort of my couch. That's not to say I want the world to end but for some bizarre reason the idea of fighting for my life in the rough and tumble is all sorts of romantic and exhilirating to me.

I've been pondering which type of movie I like more: alien invasion movies, zombie apocalypse movies or natural disaster movies.

Sure, they're all pretty good but, let's be honest, some are better than other.

Natural disaster movies, whilst exhilirating, are often very unrealistic. That's not to say that alien invasions are realistic but the visual affects associated with natural disasters often just look retarded. To see cliffs splitting in half and winding around (much like that recent car advertisement, I forget for which car but it's about... car control or smooth driving or something and all the cliffs and land is splitting in half. Tack-y) just destroys that element of realism. If I'm watching an apocalypse movie, I want to feel like I'm living it.

Which I guess is why sometimes zombie apocalypse movies can be better. When you're faced with this bloody, scabby, dishevelled, drooling, grabby, human-infectious disease hybrid, you can actually relate pretty well. It's probably because I guess there is some realism in them when you consider the various diseases which can cause disintegration of the human body. And the fact that many people are very grabby and dishevelled.

Which brings me to my most favouritest apocalypse movie in the entire world. Alien invasion movies. Yes, I really really like zombie apocalypse movies because a) I like watching things get hit with shovels, b) I like the sense of urgency as the zombie population grows and grows and c) I like it when the zombies hide and jump out at people. But alien invasion movies, to me, represent the ultimate realism. You might scoff but think about it - we know pretty much zilch about the various galaxies and planets so, by extension, we know very little about alien life. It proposes a sense of mystery to humans who seem to want to know everything. When we make and watch alien invasion movies are we not exploring and fantasizing and trying to make sense about something we know very little about?

My most favouritest alien invasion movies have to be War of the Worlds (my favourite scene is when Tom Cruise hits that creepy guy that he and his daughter are hiding with with a shovel - I'm pretty sure that's the actor who played It as well. Major respect) and Signs!

Holy shit. If you have no watched Signs WATCH IT.

Changed my life.

J

Will & Kate

Oh my gosh. I lol'd so hard at this review by the Go Fug Yourself girls (seriously?! Can they do no wrong?!) of Will and Kate (which aired last night in Australia) I think I popped some blood vessels in my face.

http://gofugyourself.com/fug-the-fromage-william-and-kate-04-2011#more-385372

Everything just resonated with me!

J

Sally, Passion Mango!

It is beyond beautiful outside right now. In fact, it's just started to rain. The trees are sailing in the wind. I see two little birds dashing through the sky towards somewhere warm and dry. I love to listen to the rain changing as it starts loudly and angrily then simmers down to gentle hum.

It's weird that people who live in cold climates look forward to summer so much and people in warm climates hate the summer and crave the winter.

I think a rainy Australia is all sorts of beautiful. It's not like rainy UK. It reminds me of those shitty Australian books we had to do for novel studies in year seven, eight and nine. I call them shitty but when you see the rain pouring down on a dry, yellow and brown landscape it's actually pretty spectacular. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else right now.

Looking for a jacket to wear this winter but they're all five inches thick and wooly. Not only would I be too warm in them, I would look like a major twat wearing a massive jacket in 22 degree weather.

I feel like grapes.

J

edit:// Not sure what's going on with the title. When I can't think of a good title I just write whatever I happen to think of at the time. Okay, that's a lie. If I really did that, all my blogs would be titled "F!"

Shittastic

The worst thing about having shitty skin is meeting new people and wondering if they're thinking to themselves, "Fuck, she is atrocious looking. Her skin looks like someone vomited on her face."

If I had nicer skin I think I would:

1. Make more effort with staying healthy and fit.

2. Dress better.

3. Wear makeup.

4. Hate self less.

Worst thing is when I do eventually, if ever, grow out of teenage heinousosity, my skin will still be more disgusting than the average person. It will be red and marky and grotesque.

Wish I was pretty like Cathy Dollanganger.

Enough about this nonsense.

J

Derp Derp

I've been a bit dull the last few days. Studying, going on the Internet, trying to write blog posts then just not having anything to say. The other day I caught up with the two Michelles. They both, impressively, ate two Golden Gaytimes each. This is especially impressive in Big Michelle's case (don't let the name deceive you, she is unconscionably small in stature). I had passionfruit yoghurt instead like a derp. God, I regret that now.

My indecisiveness has taken another leap into my life. I fully intended to grow out my hair yesterday but now I'm rethinking it after perusing various fashion blogs with ladies with cute short hair. But I know that my hair does not look like that short so I have to stick by my guns and grow it out...

I wish it was winter already so I could sit around and read Flowers in the Attic and be all morbid and heinous. God, that book makes me feel disgusting. But it's so good. The second one, Petals in the Wind, makes me really despise Cathy and wish Chris would grow up and find another girl to love. But then he says stuff like, "You've got me pinned to the wall and labelled as yours until the day I die whether you like it or not. And if you go first I'll follow soon after. And I hope to God you're satisfied."

I suppose it could potentially be taken as creepy that I'm very much into blonde boys ever since reading Flowers in the Attic.

J

Mangling Ensues

I potentially just dropped a fork on my foot and maimed it. Blood may or may not be spurting everywhere. My left little toe may or may not be permanently mangled.

WHO AM I?!

J

Laces

Shoes with laces. Good or bad?

Why do we need laces? Why can't we have shoes with no laces? Not only does it save material (laces), it's more convenient. When I get up at 7am, gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal, do I really have time/energy to do up my shoe laces?

I know I've posed a serious philosophical question here but please get back to me with your thoughts.

J

We can!

Holy shit. Big Michelle makes me laugh so hard sometimes I can't control my own bowel movements (joke).

Big M: we can buy like a pack of icecreams and eat icecreams! :o
3 minutes ago · UnlikeLike · 1 personYou like this..

J

Disney Death

1. Hannah Montana series finale aired last year. No more Hannah? Sadness.

2. Wizards of Waverly Place is finishing soon. No more Selena on Saturday mornings. No more kooky Harper antics. Sadness.

3. DEMI LOVATO IS NOT COMING BACK TO SONNY WITH A CHANCE AFTER GOING TO REHAB. I am pretty devastated about this one. She was so good on it. Made me laugh so hard. My favourite line of the whole series was this one... Okay, let me situate you first. So Sonny has dressed up like a boy to pretend to be her own fan and she meets her manager (or director of So Random. I forget) and he offers her a nectarine. She grabs it, pulls it apart with her bare hands, juices flying and the suchlike, and growls, "Nectarine?! What is this? A poor man's peach?!"

I laughed so hard, I cracked a rib.

J

Godawful Dream

Had the most godawful dream last night.

Naturally, it involved F.

It went something like this...

I rock up to my FCP tute and F is standing outside. I go up to him and start talking to him. He glares at me and tells me to stop talking to him. That he's seen me stalking him. That he hates me, he's not interested, and I'm a freak.

It was fairly traumatic.

J

Fat and Ugly

Feeling considerably rubbish at the moment.

It's really a amalgamation of various things. I have a midsem in two days which I feel somewhat unprepared for. Like, I know the content but when you put me in a room with a question about it I'm going to blank out or the question is just going to appear really foreign to me. It's like... I always memorise the content but I don't actually understand the concepts so put foreign content but same concept and I'm not going to be able to grasp it. It fucking sucks.

I don't know why but I'm somewhat anxious about my chemistry lab tomorrow because I suck at everything.

One week into this semester I was 85% sure I wouldn't be able to pass all my units and I would get kicked out of the course. Now, I feel like I've fallen into this delirium where I've fooled myself into thinking I can pass but when I actually do the exams I'll fail all of them.

Also, I'm just tired of pining over F when it seems like he doesn't even like me that much. Who am I fooling? He doesn't care about me. I'm just that fat, ugly Asian acquaintance he sees a couple of times a week.

J

This Is Your Life

I feel like the first 10 years of school we were blissfully unaware of our fates. Just happily eating roll ups, Tiny Teddies (I still eat those...), brown nosing with teachers, having reward days with popcorn. And then, suddenly, everything changed in year 11 and now we have eight years of heinous, truly heinous, study and exams.

It's like... we complained about year 11 and 12 but now we have fucking another six years (for some of us) of this bullshit. I am very traumatised.

J

Thongs and Suchlike

I feel like Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging is a really great movie all pre/pubescent girls should enjoy at least thrice in their lifetime. It's really great. Especially Jas because her performance is possibly one of the most terrible I've ever seen. But just the dedication she has to her role ("PHWOAR. HE'S GOT A FIT BUM. QUALITY LUSHNESS") is one of the most fantastic things I've ever seen in my life.

J

Amino-mino

The first MGC lab I ever had with F, he explained to me why sometimes the amino group is written as NH2 and other times as H2N. I don't think I've loved chemistry as much as I did then.

J

SVU

I remember why I stopped watching Law & Order: SVU...

The other night's episode involved a lady getting roped up in her chair while some obese, pasty guy in a mask shaved her down, dressed her in little kids' underwear and breathed heavily. It also followed that the lady as a child was kidnapped into some sick, child porn ring where she was filmed being raped repeatedly by some guy and being forced to have sex with other children.

The worst part was... the lady was initially saved before the fat pasty guy raped her but at the hospital he found her, took her down to the infirmary or some shit and raped her while she was unconscious. The fucking worst bit was when Elliot and Stabler burst through the door and he's just there, zipping his fucking pants up.

That one action of zipping up his fly with that smug look on his face... They use that a lot in movies and TV shows and it always gets me the worst.

I don't know why I talk about this so much because it really gets to me. But seriously now, I don't remember SVU being this graphic.

J

Where It's At

I'm sure everyone's all sorts of excited to hear about FCP with F yesterday...

I'm too tired and busy to give any detailed account except I paired up with F in one of the role plays (RIAOW). We played doctors and patients (RIAOW). I shook his hand and was all, "Hi F, my name's J and I'm a student doctor from UWA." (RIAOW) Afterwards, I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to add to the consultation. He said, "You forgot to ask me my name. It's Gunther."

I nearly cried. Fuck it if I have met anyone other than Meg Cabot (not that I've even met her...) or my group of friends who truly appreciates and will use the name Gunther or Sven in casual conversation.

Sigh.

J

Like a Douche

Fucking Big Michelle.

I'll tell you what that bitch did. She sent me a link to Sixpence None The Richer's Kiss Me and now all I've been listening to for the last week has been old, 1990's songs like a douche bag.

Why does she do this to me?

J

Perfect Mum

I know I've blogged about this previously but I just had to again... I watched Wild Child last night and Natasha Richardson was in it, playing the matronly yet good natured head mistress of the boarding school. She truly seems like she was the most... motherly perseon in the world. I mean, just looking at her face, she just seems like the perfect mum who would be awesome at comforting crying daughters.

Sigh.

J

A Turn for the Worse

Okay, this blog has become sufficiently creepy and I will now cease blogging about F COMPLETELY.

Except on Friday's after MGC lab.

That is all.

J

edit:// OH GOD. But one more thing... I was just going over my lab work on Friday and found that the mean I calculated as 24.6 is actually 15.6. I AM SO ASHAMED. F was probably looking at it thinking, "THE FUCK. This bitch needs to go home," or something...

Sh-sh-shame

Yesterday, in lab, we had to do these calculations but I didn't have a calculator on me so I asked F if I could just copy his answers. So copy I did and we had to graph these results...

A few minutes later, graphing finished, he asked me if I was done. I affirmatively replied and glanced over at his graph and said, "But mine doesn't look like that." And he looked at mine all concerned (well, I exaggerate) and lovely and said, "Oh shit. Har har, actually my numbers in the table go up the opposite way to yours... Ohhhh. Well done, F."

It was the most adorable thing I've ever witnessed.

Of course, I had to reply with my usual, "Shame on you," except it came out a bit weird because I was too busy admiring what had just occurred in front of me.

J

Joss Stone - "Put Your Hands On Me"

I really like this song. It's sensual...

J

Much Bossness

FUCKING LOVES UNIVERSIT-AY.

Come back in two weeks and you'll probably see a very different picture after I get back essay marks, MGC mid-sem marks, FMC quiz marks but, for now, let's just embrace the love for school.

J

More on Conservative People

Perhaps this is a very convoluted and retarded view, but I'm going to share it with the blogosphere regardless.

So, when I think of conservative couples, I think of life only being allowed to eat salad.

Like, where's the meat?

There is no meat. That's the point. That's what being conservative is like. All you have are little green leaves that taste like nothing. They don't even taste like water. They taste less than water. They taste like oxygen mixed with bitterness. Unpleasantness. Maybe, maybe, you'll get like a cherry tomato or some shit thrown in but then you eat it and because you've been deprived of meat your whole live, it kind of tastes like this little ball of acid which corrupts your digestive tract. There is no meat to soften the blow.

Just imagine going through life not being able to swear, or make sex jokes. It would be very much like a life of eating salad, denied simple pleasures like a hot sausage.

Mmm, sausage.

J

Conservative People

My heart honestly goes out to these people. These are the people who... avoid sexual jokes and innuendo, shy from cussing and rude gestures, say dang instead of damn, say shoot instead of shit.

What sort of life are these people living?

They are living very sad, miserable and lonely lives. For example, the other day Big Michelle and I met up with Little Mishelle for lunch. We walked over to meet at sci-by with another friend, Chris. We got there, introduced Little Mishelle to Chris and then Chris asked if he could have a private word with Big Michelle. Little Mishelle proceeded to say, "That's fine. Have your way with her. "

Chris is a very nice person but, that being said, very conservative. Very polite, nice, generally pleasant, does not swear, does not make sexual jokes, don't know if he even has a sexuality (har har...). When Little Mishelle said these fateful words a sort of... universal quiet fell upon us. Chris fell silent. I fell silent, just knowing. Big Michelle looked at Little Mishelle as if to say, "Bitch, you trippin'?" and Little Mishelle just looked confused.

I think it's because Little Mishelle misread the situation. You see, all these years I've known Little Mishelle we have always made dirty jokes, been generally filthy yet awesome. So I think being in the presence of myself and Big Michelle, another quite filthy girl, she was mislead into believing Chris would be equally filthy. She was wrong.

Big Michelle and I, on the other hand, already knew Chris so could make a judgement about whether it was appropriate to make jokes about Chris having the sex with Big Michelle. It wasn't.

I feel like being that conservative is kind of a downer. Half the joys in my life come from being crass and outspoken. I mean, if you're a conservative person do you even feel comfortable going out and meeting new people if they're not like you? I mean, it puts people like me in an awkward situation too. I meet you, you're very pleasant and friendly and I have no aversion to you. I notice you don't swear. Perhaps you wear a sweater vest. All that time I am spending with you, I am pleading inside to be able to make some crude gesture.

What sort of life is this, I ask you?

J

Hey!

I hate fashion bloggers who pose with their toes points inwards, towards each other. This is not how one naturally stands unless you are somehow podatiatrically encumbered. I do not approve. It does not make you look whimsical and fresh; it makes you look like someone smashed your kneecaps with a cricket bat.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I've been lately obsessed with getting marks on the keyboard of my laptop. Like when you use the same key again and again and the top coat or whatever you call that shit starts to wear away? Now, it would be okay if all keys were like this but it's only the ones you frequently use. It is beyond heinous. Is nothing sacred anymore?

I'm trying to deviate this blog post away from the subject of F as I feel I have reached a satisfying degree of creepy and obsessive in my last few. Let's move on, shall we? If anything interesting happens I will update but for the sake of my sanity I think other topics should be covered as well.

You know what I truly despise? Creepy dudes. This guy on the bus today who kept looking back at me (it might have been Big Michelle, I don't really know) just looking all creepy and unwashed and stuff. Like, are you doing this to freak me out, bro? Because all I could think was, "He's waiting to see which stop I get off at so he can get off at the same one and rape me." Again and again and again. I was relieved when he didn't get off at my stop.

And then, as I was walking home, I passed these three young dudes in their early twenties or late teens looking all sketchy. And they had that musty smell that kind of smells like yeast? And as I just passed them one of them said, "Hey!" and I freaked the fuck out. It was very akin to Twilight where those dudes in Port Angeles say, "Hey!" to Bella except it's not a hey as in, "Hey there, old friend! How are you? How's the wifey pooh?" It was more a, "HEY. I'M GONNA RAPE YOU," kind of hey. It was very concerning. I quickly walked home.

Is this strange or does everyone feel this way occasionally?

J

No Shame

I heard F say the words, "It was a pain in the ass," today. I admit; it had me a little hot around the collar. I really wished he was taking about mine.

Insert some joke about anal sex.

This blog should really be private...

J

Too Awkward for Action

Why didn't I talk to F today?

I sat down opposite him in the computer lab. He was right there. But he was talking to this other guy when I walked in.

When we left, he was walking right beside me as we descended the stairs. Why didn't I say anything?

As we were walking towards the bus stop, he was literally a meter away from me and I felt like he might have wanted to say hello or acknowledge me in some way. But he didn't and I didn't because it had reached the stage where it would've been awkward because we'd been walking next to each other for 100m.

And then he turned off into Guild Village. Usually he catches the bus at the same time as me after FCP tutes on Mondays. I was anticipating us waiting together for the bus.

It didn't happen.

J

A Productive Weekend

Is it sad that the sight of F commenting on my fb status made me smile for half an hour after?

This is literally what he wrote:

F wrote: "if you're using turnitin it will tell them when they reach the limit.and they won't take marks off, they will just stop reading at the limit, so it might not end up making sense"

What a romantic.

It is also potentially sad that this is nearly the seventh post I've posted over the course of this weekend.

I also feel bad because I reduced the amount of study I do. I went from being completely exhausted from studying 24/7 to feeling guilty for not studying enough. Ah, the predicaments of being a student.

J

edit:// My inbox right now reads:
F commented on your status.
F commented on your status.
F commented on your status.

It is fantastic.

15 Minutes

Was looking at a picture for the right and left atrium in a picture of lungs today, thinking, "This doesn't look like any heart I ever saw."

Maybe I should become an accountant.

J

More Good Times

Got dad to read my essay. He then said, "You used to write so well..."

Thanks dad, thanks.

J

I Am God

I have to be honest with ya'll. Ever since my retarded, Cambridge-educated chemistry lecturer wrote that dumbass post on the discussion boards about finding spiritual catharsis or enlightenment or whatever by researching and discussing chemistry problems, every time I get so frustrated with chemistry I want to shit on his face, I try and force myself to find enlightenment.

I think to myself, "JUST FUCKING LOVE CHEMISTRY," and will try to urge myself to embrace all things molar and stoichiometrical.

It never works.

Nothing in chemsitry is ever certain. On one hand, changing the amount of a solid in a reaction will not change the equilibrium constant because solids can't change concentration. "OH! Okay, that makes sense," I think to myself like a dumbass. Because two questions on, it says, "BUT SOMETIMES the concentration of solids can change!" or something retarded like that. Assholes.

J

Maths is for Maths

What. the. fuck.

I am doing calculus while doing chemistry. This is fucking balls. That is what I loved about high school; maths was done during maths, chemistry was done during chemistry. The hardest maths I ever did in chemistry was multiplying and dividing fractions. This is absolute rubbish.

Also, spent all night yesternight rewriting my fucking biology essay like a douche. I was being the opposite of boss. It was heinous.

Also, I fucking miss my Casio Classpad 330. That thing was the shit. Screw this manual quadratic equation shit.

On the plus side, I went shopping with my mum for an hour this morning and bought a totally boss top that I'm sure will bring all the boys (F) to the yard.

J

Keeping Dreamin'

Okay, so if F and I get married our first dance is going to be "Enchanted" by Taylor Swift and I'm going to do that thing she does just after the bridge in concert where she rips off the bottom of her skirt to reveal a shorter, sparkly dress. It'll be a little Taylor Swift, a little Lane Kim. Ah, all the colours of the rainbow.

J

Gonna Get Down On Friday

INT. SCI LIB. DAYTIME:

Big Michelle: (via text) Where are you? I'm outside sci lib.

Me: (via text) Coming!

EXT. SCI LIB. DAYTIME:

Me: Hey!

Big Michelle: Hey!

Me: Let's sit!

Us: *sits*

Big Michelle: I was outside your FCP tute and was going to walk with you but then I saw you walking with F and I didn't want to cockblock you. *lays down on grass a la Playboy centrefold*

Me: Aw, thanks Michelle.

Can always rely on Big Michelle to provide the lols, prevent cockblocking and be generally cool.

J