This Is Me... Studying

Let's talk about DNA! DNA (deoxyribose nucleic acid) are polymeres of nucleotides. Nucleotides are made up of a nitrogenous base, pentose monosaccharide and phosphate ion. How are they all connected? Well, good thing you asked or you might have failed your exam. The pentose monosaccharide and nitrogenous base are joined through a condensation reaction to form a glycosidic bond. This occurs on the 1' carbon. On the 5' carbon, the phosphate joined through a phosphodiester bond. The nucleotides polymer their shit up by the phosphate of one nucleotide joining to the 5' carbon of the next pentose monosaccharide. This create a 5' and 3' end with the 5' end having a phosphate group attached and the 3' end having... nothing? Just a pentose monosaccharide? Nfi. So, we have these DNAs which are secretly double helices. We have two strands of nucleotides which join up through H-bonds between the nitrogenous bases. The bases are what characterise the DNA and they always have a complementary partner. There are 4 bases found in DNA - A, C, G, T (I forget what the letters stand for... Guanine? Thyamine? Ayayayamine? Cuntnine?). A goes with T, C goes with G so those pairs are always joined by H-bonds in the double helix. Furthermore, we can divide the bases up into being either pyrimidine (single) or purine (double). In a base pair, there must be one pyrimidine and one purine. A and G are purines, C and T are pyrimidines. (I had to check my notes for that... I will fail the exam) How does all this shit fit in the nucleus of the cell? The DNA has to be all nicely packaged up. The DNA double helices coil around an octameric histone core (8 protein core) due to electrostatic charges between the negatively charged DNA (due to phosphate ion) and positively charged protein. The coils can either be condensed or uncondensed (is that a word?). This package is called a nucleosome. Usually, the DNA is only condensed just before replication but is mostly uncondensed for easy access (like an undone fly, y'see). More packaging must take place for a nice & tight package though. The coils coil around into a solenoid shape around a histone 1 core. All these solenoids stack up onto one another which prevents the DNA from getting tangled and heinous. Chromosome: 1 DNA molecule and other packaging proteins etc. Chrmosome pair: 2 homologous chromosomes, one maternal and one paternal. Often similar in characteristics. Chromosome set: total number of chromosomes in a cell. In humans, 46. 22 maternal, 22paternal and 2 sex determining chromosomes, XX or XY. Genome: total genes in a cell. What's a gene? Genes are encoded into the DNA of a cell. Not the whole strand is gene-y goodness. Some bits are genes, other bits are just useless shit. Well, not exactly because you've got all sorts of random stuff there necessary for transcription and translation etc. etc. Genes, like DNA, has a 5' and 3' end (because they're secretly bits of DNA in disguise). They essentially consist of a promoter at the 5' end and a termination area at the 3' end and bunches of alternating exons and introns in the middle. When transcription occurs, the introns get spliced out and the exons spliced together. The promoter is also near a TATA box (where lots of thyamines and ayayayanines are). It's a totally boss box because it lets transcription occur totes m'gotes fast. But how? Well, the lecturer didn't really specify but I'm guessing it's because T's and A's are easily pulled apart because they involve only 2 H-bonds whereas G's and C's involve 3 H-bonds. Fucking pussies. I'm all over the place here... The promoter's also important because that's where RNA polymerase II goes which is an enzyme used to transcribe genes by like... slapping da nucleotides on like a mad dawg. Nucleotides are the functional units found in RNA aswell as DNA and the sugar is ribose instead of deoxyribose as in DNA. Basically, that means that there's a hydroxyl group on the 2' carbon instead of just an oxygen. So, promoters are called control elements because they control shit going down in transcription. You also have transcriptional factors which are proteins which latch onto these regulatory sequences and do all sorts of funky shit. Not sure what but I'm sure they're super important... I think regulatory sequences are just sequences in the DNA that the transcriptional factors recognize and have sex with. Not too sure. Mmm, let's go back to DNA for a second here. DNA replication to be exact. DNA replication is needed when you want to split the cell up in 2 so you need 2 of each chromosome and shit. DNA replication... hmmm... Well, you need to rip apart the DNA all Hulk-style. DNA makes it easier by having a concentration of A's and T's at some point which are easier to de-sex as they only have 2 H-bonds instead of 3. For that, you can use 3 things: DNA gyrase (it gyrates that shit... actually, I think it cuts up a little bit and pulls it apart) or DNA helicase or DNA topoismerase (not sure how to spell that... I'll just write it really smudgily in the exam so no one notices...) which peel apart the strands. So you have this fork now. Two prongs of single strands and then a fragment of the double helix. Now to replicate we need a substrate which is a deoxy-CTP which is just... a nucleotide with 3 phosphates attached? Iunno. So, with ATP you cleave off those dang phosphates and the energy released can be used to glue that shit on the template strand of DNA. So, we need an enzyme called DNA polymerase which... makes polymers of nucleotides. Unfortunately, this shit gets messed up because DNA always has to be made 5' to 3'. Not sure who made up that rule but, whoever they are, they're a fucking asshat. Now we have to remember all this other shit about lagging and leading strands. Leading strands are strands which are made 5' to 3' as per normal. That's because they're made from the prong end and the DNA template strand they have is 3' to 5'. Since they're complementary and all, they're made 5' to 3' so that's all good. But then we have this other dipshit DNA strand that's 5' to 3' just messin' with us. We say to that strand, "Suck my dick." No, really now. Be a bit more mature. We need to haul ass and get all these other enzymes to get their shit together and pitch in with the work. First we need DNA primase which lays down these little fragments of RNA which are complementary to the DNA template strand. So now we have little 3' ends that the DNA polymerase III can attach nucleotides (5' end that is) to. So they do this in this jumbled up fashion, laying bits and pieces here and getting fragments called Okizaki fragments. So we have all these fragments but we want to cut that primer out so we can... this thing called... DNA polymerase I? And that cuts the primer out then we get DNA ligase which... ligases (lol? Is that a word?) all the fragments together and we get a super pretty strand, 5' to 3' like we like and can admire it and stroke it as we should wish. Every DNA fork will thus have one leading strand and one lagging strand. Like a boss. Unfortunately, on the lagging strand you'll end up with it being a bit shorter because you had to remove the primer. Ah! But the body is a wonderland (thanks, John Mayer... even though you broke T-Swift's heart. I'll borrow your lyrics now, castrate you later) and it has this mad enzyme called telomerase which looks like a big chomping machine to me... Anyway, it adds this string of nucleotides, TTAGGG, to the end of the strands of nucleotides so they have this extra bit that can be sacrificed during replication. All good! The bits are called telomeres. But sometimes there can be mistakes! But the DNA polymerase III, as it's bumbling on, stacking on nucleotides like a boss (1000 nt/sec), will notice these lesions as they mess up the structure of the DNA and cut that shit out, fill it up with some sexy new nucleotide and all will be well. Also, you can have homology-dependant repair where the damaged nucleotide is removed and the complementary base on the other strand is used to add in the correct nucleotide. Ah, sweet relief (har har har har har har). Now let's move onto transcription. What's transcription? Transcription is about making them dang RNAs (ribonucleic acid..?). You do this by using the DNA strands as a template for nucleotides which make up the RNA. RNA differs from DNA because it's single stranded and instead of T has U. U is complementary to A. Three main types of RNA are mRNA, tRNA and rRNA. All this is needed in translation (later! Patience, anyone who has read this far... if you have, you have issues and should see a councillor, post haste!). With translation, we need to pull the DNA apart like in replication using gyrase, topoismerase or helicase. We only pull apart a little bit. We're transcribing the genes, you see. So, we pull them apart a bit so we get one coding strand and one non-coding strand. HAR HAR HAR, tricked you! The non-coding strand is actually the one we use also called template strand. The coding strand just hangs around, being a slacker, and is all caulled the sense strand. So, RNA polymerase II binds near the promoter and is in charge of flicking those nucleotides on which are complementary to the template strand. The RNA is made 5' to 3'. The ribonucleotides assemble; they're horny and getting ready for intercourse with the DNA template strand, you see. They're a bit more slack than the DNA polymerase III which can flick on those suckers 1000nt/sec while RNA polymerase II can only do about 30nt/sec because it doesn't have the luxury of fixing up mistakes. As the RNA is made, it's gradually released and the DNA strands come back together all nice. Transcription stops when RNA polymerase II hits the termination signal. We have this immature, naughty, school-aged mRNA now but we need to make it sexy, do it's hair, slap on some face paint, spritz a little eu de smelly on its neck, in the big ol' cleave and behind the knees (God knows why... I mean, knees? Who's smelling the knees? Unless you're some kinky foot fettish person who likes to tease himself with a little knee sniffing first before getting onto the main event...). Right now, we've basically just cause this string of nucleotides based off the template DNA strand (and the gene it had) but it's so raw, like a dead cow. How to make it pretty? Um, by chucking out the introns through this sweet enzyme thingy called a SPLICESOME. Such a dope name. A splicesome consists of snRNP. SMALL NUCLEAR RNA + PROTEINS. And it recognizes these base sequences at the 5' and 3' end of the introns. GU at 5' end and AG at 3' end. The mad dawg splicesome comes along, squeeze the introns into a little lariet (OR HAT) and fucks with it til it clips off and sails away to a better place. Um, also we need to add a 5' hat and a 3' tail to. What for? Well, when translation comes around, the hat and tail are needed for protein binding to initiate translation. Also, when the RNAs are being degraded, the tail is first chopped off and schtuff. And the tail is needed to protect the RNA. The tail is a poly-A tail so I'm guessing it's made of lots of A's... not too sure about that. The cap is a 7methyl-guanine attached to the 5' end by 3 phosphates. Like a boss. To attach these brits and pieces, we need an enzyme called CTD-P. CTD-P also needed to help splicing. Like a boss. Okay, now to translation: that is we are TRANSLATING the DNA language to protein language and making a totally dope protein for use in the cell. To translate the protein we need all sorts of RNA - mRNA, tRNA and rRNA. We have the mRNA which can be divided into groups of 3 bases called codons which code for one amino acid each. There are lots of codons (64, 3 being stop codons which terminate translation) and only a few amino acids so more than one codon codes for each amino acid. Reading frames relate to the frame of codons being reead. Firstly, the mRNA is translocated through pores in the nucleus to wherever it's needed, mayhaps it is chaperoned around by cytoskeleton proteins or what have you. Now, we have this mRNA. But we get the tRNA which is... ummm... RNA-ish except it's all twisty through H-bonds and what have you and it has this thing called an anticodon, a specific sequence of bases which will be complementary to a part of the mRNA so it can latch on and do it's business. That is to say, ejaculate some amino acids on it. An amino acid binds onto the tRNA at the side opposite to the anticodon which is directed by an enzyme called AA-tRNA synthetase. Now, with the AA, it makes an aminoacyl-tRNA. Hmm... that makes sense. Amino acyl. Amino acid. tRNA. tRNA. GOOD GOD. REVOLUTIONARY STUFF. We've got this fat ass aminoacyl-tRNA now and it's hopping along. The carboxyl terminus of the amio acid is attached to the tRNA so in the end we'll have the amino terminus attached to the mRNA before it hops off and goes on its merry way. What's rRNA? Vell, ribosomes are made in the nucleolus and are where proteins are protein-sethysed. They're made up of two subunits; one large one small, comprimsed of rRNA and other proteins etc. etc. They join up to help synthesise proteins when the actual tRNA bumbles along, all aminoacyl etc. Initiation occurs when everything comes together and the first tRNA lands with its met amino acid attached. Met is always the first amino acid. It goes to the P-site. The next tRNA comes to the A-site and the met hops on. The reading frame shifts and the process continues with each used tRNA being released. The ribosome catalyses the formation of peptide bonds between amino acids. When a termination signal (STOP CODON) is reached elongation STOPS and everything floats away, airy fairy. Lots of ribosomes can work on the same RNA at the same time to make lots of proteins, all similar. Now the polypeptide is released to do its magic around the cell. As for controlling gene expression and RNA function. Firstly, let's review the gene. We have this super dope gene, all genie and functiony. Transcriptional control is the main form of control of gene expression. If the gene doesn't need to be transcribed into mRNA, it stop right there.Cis-acting control elements regulate transcription and are found on the same chromosome while trans-acting elements can be off in the clouds, doing their business elsewhere. To summise (LOL SUMMISE! SUMMARISE! LOL! SUMMISE! THEY'RE LIKE THE SAME WORD LOLOLOL), transcriptional control involves the promoter at 5' region of gene, termination signal (STOP CODON) at 3' end and these elements for regulating shit, either on gene or elsewhere. We also have other elements like enhancers or repressors which enhance and repress transcription of a gene. Often these elements are tissue specific and only function in differentiated cells. Really, the promoter is probably the most important one as it initiates transcription and is where the RNA polymerase II lands. Also, the TATA box which is... somewhere near the promoter? Lots of T's and A's for rapid transcription. Transcription factors are proteins which bind onto the gene after external stimuli like hormones. Can be general (house-keeping) or tissue specific for particular functions. Transcription factors are super important for transcription and bind to particular sequences in the gene so mutations can fuck that shit up and screw up transcription. These sequences are called regulatory sequences. Now, back to the TATA box (boss) which is about 25 base pairs away from the promoter. Some transcription factors bind to it as part of the general transcription factors. This causes kinkage in the RNA. This initial binding recruits all the other transcription factors. After this, RNA polymerase II can jump on the bandwagon on transcribe away. Let's review the 5' cap and 3' poly-A tail. The tail is to protect the mRNA, to be chopped off when degraded and so proteins can bind to it to initiate transcription. The cap is made of 7methyl-guanine attached by 3 phosphates to the 5' end and the tail is made of ribonucleotides with adenine base. It is added by separate enzymes while CTD-P is necessary for adding both the cap and tail. Oh shoot, think I got something wrong. CAP is for PROTECTING the dang RNA from degradation and also for proteins to attach to initiate translation. TAIL is chopped off at degradation and also for proteins to attach. As for translational control... Normal development requires coupling between translational control and location so the right protein is made in right place. Especially important for embryos because they're special and stuff. The RNA needs a cap and tail for proteins to initiate to start translation too. To degradation now. RNAs have half lives which can last for a few hours or less than 30 minutes. Proteins catalyse tail shortening (compete with translational proteins which also use them for initiation of translation). The degradation of the poly-A tail increases degradation especially when it reaches 30 nucleotides. Loss of poly-A tail leads to loss of message. Cap can be killed too which speeds up degradation. Another type of RNA is RNAi or RNA interference which is a natural mechanism to protect cell from DNA. RNAi is a double helix RNA. It gets diced up into fragments called small interfering RNA (siRNA). Fragments bind to RISC (RNA induced silencing complex). Guide RNAs guide complementary mRNA there to be decimated. MicroRNAs similar and cause degradation. Short, 25-30 nucleotides.

FUCK. THIS IS SHIT.

J

Plan: Formulated

For the last 24 hours I've been formulating this plan on getting to know F more (hm, if by some miracle of chance F and I become lovers, no one can ever show him this blog).

It basically goes along the lines of this...

We meet at the MGC lab. I sit down next to him and say, "Hey! How's it going?" and appear really happy instead of sullen and godawful as I usually do. I may even put mascara on that morning but, undoubtedly, will have rubbed my eyes by 2pm and will have some interesting facial art going on. He will say to me, "Hi J. I'm good. How are you?" He'll smile a bit, my heart will flutter. "Good," I will reply. "Mmm, working on that essay... Heh." "Yeah," he will say, ever the understanding and caring soul, "That's probably a bitch."

Herein, I will come alive with vivacity and spirit.

I will joyfully say, "Oh thank God! Someone who swears! I've been tip-toeing around this place for the last five weeks, scared I was going to offend someone. Everyone here is so conservative." He will say, "I know aiight! But I'm not like that. In fact, I'm a pretty carefree kind of guy."

We will become lovers.

J

Stat!

Sometimes, when I sit here, at my sturdy and trustworthy desk, reading and listening to lectures over and over again about gene expression and the suchlike, I wonder if it would be more efficient to just make us rote learn all the treatments and symptoms etc. of various diseases and illnesses rather than making us learn the underlying causes and foundations of this bulltwang.

I mean, if I am presented with a patient who is all crazy and frothing at the mouth, I'm probably not going to say, "Good God! He probably has a point mutation in his FMR-1 gene! Get this man some alcohol!" Instead, I will most likely say, "Did you eat soap for breakfast this morning? Good God! Get this man some alcohol! Stat!"

That's pretty much all I wanted to say.

J

Taylor Swift - "Fearless"

Seriously folks, have you heard anything as beautiful? I feel like this love for Taylor Swift started as this stupid thing. All these little teenyboppers are in love with her and I used to make fun of her. Then I listened to her and I basically was like, "She's pretty amazing." But it's gotten a bit out of control. You know when you see 12 year old kids crying and screaming when they see Justin Beiber or Taylor Swift live? Sometimes, I listen to Taylor sing live and I get a tear or two in my eye. It's pretty ridiculous. I just think she's amazing and I could listen to her 24 hours a day. I feel this affinity for her too because she seems like such a genuine, loving and kind person.

My FCP tutorial today was pretty shit. I mean, I went through the whole weekend basically hopped up on drugs because I talked to this guy in my MGC lab on Friday and pretty much fell in love. It's pretty disgusting. And I looked forward to the FCP tutorial today so much because he's in my tutorial as well. We had to give presentations today; I got critisized by my demonstrator a couple of times during it.
So, that pleasant experience kind of destroyed all my hipe at seeing F today. But we had a moment before class started where me and this other girl were talking about this thing we had to do for another FCP tutorial on Friday. And I was asking her about it, and just sort of generally speaking to people in the near area and F was sitting there and he just sort of looked up at me and said, "Oh crap! I forgot about that." And I said, "Har har, good thing I reminded you," just as he said, "Good thing you reminded me." Then we smiled at each other.

Good God, it was glorious.

His smile is basically the most glorious thing I've ever seen. When something funny happens in class, he'll try and cover up his laugh and just smirk or look down or chuckle or something. I always look over at him when something funny happens because his smile is like a drug to me. But this time, his smile showed teeth and everything. He looked so genuine and angelic. I don't think I've ever felt this way before. But I just want to talk to him and get to know him and hang out and be friends. He's pretty awesome.

J

Good Times

There was this one time...

1. When I was really sad about uni admissions and just about spewed my sadness over everyone especially Kim because she was the only one who would tolerate me. So I get home one day and there's this package outside my door in this familiar gold wrapping paper and I think to myself, "Good God! Anthrax!" Then I think, "Gee whiz, that wrapping paper looks familiar." It was a gift from Kim, a Cookie Calendar, and a note wishing me the best of luck. That was pretty much the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me.

2. When we had to do this project for school in year nine where we had to interview someone and present it to the class. My work partner was Kim so we decided to interview my next door neighbour (who has since moved); a slightly elderly, South African woman who was a complete snob, thought incredibly highly of herself, informed us her nickname was "The Goddess" among other truly interesting things... We never finished the project but it was really fun. Especially when my mum reported back to me that the neighbour had told her, "Your daughter is so pretty! But the other one didn't talk much!" Which was funny because, in actual fact, I was the "other one." I knew this because I said like two words and Kim did basically the whole interview. Ah, good times.

3. When Kim had a function or something because she was missy prissy head girl and I (jokingly) informed her she just had to snag me a muffin from the function. In maths later that day, she waltzes in with not just a blueberry muffin but also a juice box. What a boss.

4. When Kim and I both had a crush on the same guy in year nine (lots happened in year nine... har har) so in science we both went out to the water fountain, promising we'd tell each other who the crush was. We had many a laughs over the fact we both liked the same guy. I guess you had to be there...

5. When it was my birthday or I was sad or something (I can't quite recall... this was several years ago) and she wrote me this really sweet blog post and it made me feel all happy inside and I really wanted to write her this one today. Because she's pretty much the coolest chick I ever met. And a crazy fox at that.

J

Sphinctor

My face is like a porcupine's asshole.

J

Taking Things Too Far Since 1993

INT. MGC LAB. DAYTIME:

Me: Hi there, F.

F: Hey Junaberry. How's it going?

Me: Not bad. Yourself?

F: Yeah, pretty good.

Me: Have fun in FCP?

F: Har har har.
Me: *conversation*

F: *conversation*

Me: har har har.

F: LET'S HAVE SEX!

ME: OKAY!

J

Disclaimer: Everything in this blog post is fictional except that F and I did converse extensively today in MGC lab. The end.

Weird People

People are so weird.

Reading people's blogs are weird because you only get snippets of their lives and you wonder, "What the shit happened in between?" For example, I once read one post about a girl getting married and the next update was them getting divorced. Sometimes, when I'm just glancing through my friends' page, I'll come across blogs where I can't even remember who that person is because they've changed so much since the last time I read their blog.

Also, people at uni are weird. No one talks normally. This guy posted a freaking poem (well, a joke poem) where everything rhymed and he encouraged others to add to it. This is not normal behaviour.

J

The Body Shiver

Har har har.

This is for Little Mishelle.

Just watch the first 30 seconds. I laughed so hard.

J

I Love High School

It's not very Veronica Mars-esque of me to admit that. Or very Wallace Vennel in the context of that weird dream VM has in the season two finale.

But I love high school with like this burning passion.

I loved the uniforms. Just feeling comfortable everyday. It was like wearing pyjamas every single hour of the day and it was awesome. I loved not caring about what I was wearing. I loved being in comfortable clothing constantly and, like I've told so many before, I loved knowing that I was wearing what I would wear in a zombie apocolypse. Functional, comfortable and flexible clothing. What more could you ask for?

I loved the proximity. Having to only walk five minutes to get to and from school. In a thunderstorm, I could just run home and in 10 minutes (three for running, seven for showering) I'd be home safe and sound in warm pj's, eating two minute noodles. It was pretty epic.

I loved the familiarity. I loved being in the same place for six years of my life. Some people hate that, being bogged down. Like, people who settle down, have a family then ditch because they hate being strapped down like that (I hate people like that... you had a family, fucking live with it. Don't dump your shit on your children and spouse who don't deserve it). Whereas I completely adore it. I love knowing which bathrooms are the good ones, which of the canteen ladies will give you the best muffin (and which will racially abuse you by giving you the smallest, most pathetic muffin of all!), which patch of grass is the fluffiest, all the computer passwords of my friends and being able to abuse their printing money. It's so great. Ya'll should try it.

I love/d my friends. Good God. Is there anything more perfect then being able to go somewhere five out of seven days in a week, 40 out of 52 weeks in a year, to see your best friends in a familiar, comfortable and safe setting? Most of the time, all we did is chill. I probably did work in my maths classes about 70% of the time and the other 25% was spent chilling, talking, being dicks. See? I missed out 5% there, proof I didn't do much in maths.

This is how I see high school; this warm, fluffy blanket that I got to carry around with me for six years. Wrapped up in warmth and comfort.

This blog post is kind of sad. Like not depressing, just pathetic. I should stop doing this...

J

Taylor Swift - "Enchanted"

I never thought I'd see the day when Taylor would sound so good as she does here.

Every time she sings, "Please don't have somebody waiting on you," it's like part of my heart dies a little. But in a good way.

J

Enjoyment

I am very much enjoying:

1. Pretty Little Liars.

2. Hellcats.

3. "Like a Boss."

J

Hermione's Hermione

Was depressed for days and days (okay, since Thursday...) about fucking up my FMC quiz. Like, intense feelings of failure, hopelessness, "I'm going to fucking fail this unit and get kicked out of med and die. Worst of all, I'll have to repeat the year. Worst of all, there is no year below me to repeat! I'm dead. I'm dead. Why did I do this in the first place? What the fuck am I doing here? I hate myself. I hate my life."

I studied the quiz topic and took my second (and last) attempt this morning and dominated the fuck out of it.

Not wanting to count my eggs before they hatch (although I kind of already have as I've just said I fucked that quiz in the hermione) but just sayin', feeling good about it.

This blog has too much stuff about school in it nowadays.

J

Like a Boss

You always know when I'm stressed out.

Not only do I get super emotional and teary but I break out like a mad dawg.

You could fry an egg using the oil on my face. It's actually really heinous and disgusting.

J

Good Karma to You Too

People at uni are so weird.

The lecturers are weird. My chem lecturer posted something like this on the discussion board:

"That's right. We are not posting your quiz scores until after the quiz closes. This is so that you don't guess questions but rather research into them, read the notes and the text books to reach a kind of understanding and nirvana.

Good karma,

Lecturer"

I mean, who says shit like that? Certainly not me. At the Local Correctional Centre (AKA my high school), it would have gone down something like this:

"NAH MATE, we ain't posting that shit up yet! You gotta figure that shit out yourself! No cheating lawl!"

Good God, I miss high school.

J

Spotted

As pretty and rich and all that jazz that Blair is, I think I would rather die than be her. Her life seems all sorts of lonely and sad to me. Her best friend and closest thing to a sister is Serena? That's her confidante, her comfort, her family?

Her mother and stepfather live in another continent?

She has literally no one. Even Chuck's a dud despite all his soul-matey-ness. No one in her life is reliable or will be there for her forever or will love her unconditionally.

That and the show just keeps getting more ridiculous. For God's sake, get a dog or something, B.

J

Happy x2 Joy x2

I feel so good today.

The weather is beautiful, I feel happy, I feel like I'm coping, I feel like I'm understanding, I feel like I have time to eat a plum, there's a family block of Kit Kat chocolate available for my consumption.

It's going to be a good day.

I turn 18 on Monday. How exciting...

J

Why Kemistry Sucks

Fuck it if chemistry is not the most heinous subject in the entire world.

I do not understand how people can base their whole lives on chemistry. How people can major in chemistry. Do PhD's in chemistry. Become chemists. Do chemistry for the rest of their lives?

The rest of their lives.

This is beyond ridiculous to me. Do I think chemistry is an important science? Absolutely. Thank you Jesus for all those insanely smart scientists who figured out all that shit. But me? Do I have to study chemistry? Should I study it when, in the end, I'm just memorizing formulas instead of understanding what the fuck I'm doing?

Basically, chemistry can suck my dick.

If only I had one.

J

Observations on Uni Life

Everyone. dresses. the. same. I swear to God, all girls wear the same floral, high waisted skirts (Good God, why did I buy two? I hate them already), slouchy, off the shoulder t-shirts, boyfriend cardigans, floral dresses and they all carry the same satchel/handbag.

It probably took me a while to notice this, but I think I can pretty much divide the appearance of young girls/ladies into two specific groups.

1. The hipster/bohemian look. Like I said before, this involves high waisted, floral skirts, big, loose tops, gladiator sandals or low-heeled oxfords. Go on pretty much any fashion blog nowadays (just not high fashion blogs) and you will see this exact style. Furthermore, they all wear cat eye makeup and wear their hair up in this really big messy bun atop their head. They often have long fringes as well and listen to She & Him.

2. The casual short-shorts look. I myself often fall into this look except I think I'm a bit more casual/reserved in this respect. This category involves short-shorts; denim, cotton whatever. Just as long as they're short. Top-wise, the shorts are often paired with singlets, either tight or loose-fitting and flowy ones. These girls are the girls who are not quite hipsters and haven't quite bought their pleather satchel. They may or may not decide to wear their hair up in massive buns. They also tend to wear more makeup, especially foundation.

3. Asian nerdy girls (like myself) can often be found in simple t-shirts and more conservative shorts or skinny jeans. They can sometimes be found wandering around campus in sunglasses, floppy hat and umbrella to protect them from UV rays and other missiles.

J

Melodramatic Me

I'm so fucking melodramatic sometimes, it sickens me and hurts to read old blog posts. While I'm tempted to delete that shit, at the same time I want to keep it there so when I'm in a better mental place I can read back on it, remind myself to stop being a tosser and that things get better in the end.

Yes, I'm still stressed out but I've finally caught up on my lectures and am hoping this weekend can be reserved for reviewing the work I've done so far, hopefully finding some problem sets and practice questions I can do to test my knowledge and research my Foundations of Animal and Human Biology essay.

J

Losing It

I feel like I'm drowning right now. I'm drowning in this foreign terminology, this bizarre combinations of saccharides and polymers which I do not understand, hundreds of billions of different combinations which I'm supposed to memorise.

I feel like I have no one or no where to turn to. Everyone seems to know what they're doing but I am lost. What is wrong with me? Why can't I understand? Why am I the only one scared so much I can't stop worrying, I can't stop stressing, I can't stop crying?

How do I feel?

I feel so tired, it's like I can't move anymore. My body hurts, my head hurts. Everything is in pain. I can't explain this feeling of not just inadequacy but complete failure.

I know I will not pass. I know I will not succeed. But I don't know what to do about it.

I am completely lost.

J

Tears are for Tossers

I feel like everything's changing. I never thought I was one of those people who got really attached to things. But I guess going to the same school every day for six years is a lot to suddenly let go of. And seeing the same people for six years everyday.

I don't really know what's wrong with me because I know I should be out there, making friends and being... excited by this challenge. Instead, I just feel sad, like I want to go back to the way things were. All the times I've ever been depressed they were for really specific reasons. But now, I just have this general feeling of sadness and loneliness. Why do I miss the way things were so much when I've always been a promoter of change and of dynamic new things?

It's like I've given up caring about some things. I don't care about being healthy anymore; eating healthy or exercising. I don't care about keeping up with my friends even though I keep talking about how much I miss them. I don't have the energy or the will.

I turn 18 in just a couple of weeks. Less than a couple of weeks. Let's say nine days to be exact. I'll be 18. Do I feel excited or happy? Not at all. Not in the least. I feel indifferent to it, even a little depressed at the thought of it. I do not want to grow up. I do not want to change. I'm not mature; I'm essentially a child in a young adult's body. I crave shelter and nurturing and safety and familiarity. I don't have these things in the uni environment. I'm a dependant person. When I go to a public restroom, I want a friend to come with me. When my mother and I are at home, I will go to her. I will follow her around as she does things around the house just to be near her.

I might seem a little secluded now and then but often times I crave companionship because without it, my loneliness is unbearable. Whenever I'm sad, loneliness is the word I refer to. It's this feeling that no one understands or feels what I feel or is there to talk to me and make me feel better.

J

Puck You, Miss

The gist of this blog has a simple premise.

Fuck uni. Fuck it all to hell.

I hate it. Especially the MGC unit. I want to take MGC out the back of some seedy bar/location and gouge out its eyeballs and fuck its polypetides. Basically, first lecture and the lecturer was launching right into it. I was still way back at, "What's a cell?" Every second sentence was about "polypeptides" and "phospholipids." Fuck you, man. He was throwing around "proteins and enzymes." When I think proteins, I think meat. Give me some fucking background. Tell me, "proteins are good stuff for cells!" not that "proteins are synthesized by the ribosome which uses data codes from the mRNA to make these proteins."

Furthermore, I have no friends, no life. I feel lonely, sad, depressed and like I'm failing. Swallowed whole by some old, monotone voice, rambling about molecules, genes and cells 24/7.

Sad.

J