I have broad shoulders.
Regina George was talking smack when she said she had man shoulders. That or she never met me. My friends might say, "YOU DON'T," but I have the testimony of many an unsuspecting family friend who has said, "Oh, wowee!"
I have this deep seeded fear that I'm going to meet a lovely guy and be so attracted only to realize my shoulders are broader than his. This will inevitably lead to me thinking, "I am more manly than him," which will inevitably lead to me buying 1000 cats and eating microwave brownies everyday.
In other news, I love discovering great flickrs with tonnes of great pictures. Food, scenery, people, objects. It always hurts when they're only 10 pages of photos so this one was a real treasure to find: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mhaithaca/page273/ That page is the page I'm currently reading/viewing.
J
About Me
- Junaberry
- I'm a student from Australia who used to have a lot of time on her hands but doesn't have that much anymore. Now she has other stuff on her hands.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Grandpa
I think I finally just realized how out of the ordinary it is that my grandpa is still with us at 89 year olds. Considering the cancer rate is 1/3 and this increases with age, the fact he'll be turning 90 this Valentine's Day is pretty astonishing.
My grandpa has probably looked the same his whole life or at least the part that I've known him. He tends to spend ages combing his thinning hair and brushing his dentures. When he had his teeth, he never cleaned them hence the dentures. He pisses all over the floor when he goes to the toilet and I wondered if he did this when he was young. But then I figured this was an old guy thing; an amalgamation of poor eyesight, poor hand-eye coordination and less upper body strength.
The last few days, I've been having this recurring worry that I'll wake up one day and my grandpa won't be awake. He tends to get up around 7.30am and walk around the backyard for half an hour doing these sort of dance-exercise activities except more Jackie Chan than Ryan Evans. So I worry that I'll get up at 8am and his door will still be closed and my parents will already have left for work and my brother will still be asleep. I'll go to his room and knock. When I enter after a few knocks, I'll see him lying there, his wispy, last few hairs ruffled, not breathing.
With this thought in mind, I've been plowing him (er, poor choice of words? Fuck it, Helen, I'm keeping plowing) with ice-cream and chips and conversation.
To be honest, he looks half dead already. That's probably the most callous thing I've ever said and I might not even mean it or I might really mean it. But seeing the wastage of the human body over time is just really sad but natural at the same time.
I don't love him because I don't really know him that well. But my mum loves him a lot. You can tell by the way she always asks if he's had enough to eat, if he wants some ice-cream, if he wants to go for a walk with her. How when they watch TV, she'll explain what's happening on the news to him and she'll make purposeful exclamations at TV shows as if she's trying to make it more exciting for him.
I think that because my mum loves him so much, I, by extension, feel like he deserves my care and love.
This wasn't meant to be a depressing post but a post on "the human condition" (whatever that is) and ageing and fear of death and fear of dying etc. etc. Er, have a good day?
On a final note, I have fashioned a character in my current story on him. I called him Truman. Truman Raucous (a continuation of a short story I submitted for creative writing folio in year 12) is a mobster who loves his youngest daughter the most. Coincidentally, my mother is my grandpa's youngest daughter. Beyond the fact that Truman, at 90, pisses all over the bathroom floor and loves soft food, there's probably little resemblance. But I've also included mentions of Truman's late wife who had dementia and, during her episodes, was paranoid that Truman was having a mistress.
My grandma died three years ago and also had dementia. She was wheelchair bound towards the end but, whenever the curtain swished or one of my aunt's walked past the window outside, she'd get out of her chair and hobble over to investigate. She occasionally yelled obscenities at my aunts, thinking they were my grandpa's secret concubines.
Fun fact of the day: I hope my parents never die or, strangely enough, I hope they die after me so I won't have to bear that loss.
J
My grandpa has probably looked the same his whole life or at least the part that I've known him. He tends to spend ages combing his thinning hair and brushing his dentures. When he had his teeth, he never cleaned them hence the dentures. He pisses all over the floor when he goes to the toilet and I wondered if he did this when he was young. But then I figured this was an old guy thing; an amalgamation of poor eyesight, poor hand-eye coordination and less upper body strength.
The last few days, I've been having this recurring worry that I'll wake up one day and my grandpa won't be awake. He tends to get up around 7.30am and walk around the backyard for half an hour doing these sort of dance-exercise activities except more Jackie Chan than Ryan Evans. So I worry that I'll get up at 8am and his door will still be closed and my parents will already have left for work and my brother will still be asleep. I'll go to his room and knock. When I enter after a few knocks, I'll see him lying there, his wispy, last few hairs ruffled, not breathing.
With this thought in mind, I've been plowing him (er, poor choice of words? Fuck it, Helen, I'm keeping plowing) with ice-cream and chips and conversation.
To be honest, he looks half dead already. That's probably the most callous thing I've ever said and I might not even mean it or I might really mean it. But seeing the wastage of the human body over time is just really sad but natural at the same time.
I don't love him because I don't really know him that well. But my mum loves him a lot. You can tell by the way she always asks if he's had enough to eat, if he wants some ice-cream, if he wants to go for a walk with her. How when they watch TV, she'll explain what's happening on the news to him and she'll make purposeful exclamations at TV shows as if she's trying to make it more exciting for him.
I think that because my mum loves him so much, I, by extension, feel like he deserves my care and love.
This wasn't meant to be a depressing post but a post on "the human condition" (whatever that is) and ageing and fear of death and fear of dying etc. etc. Er, have a good day?
On a final note, I have fashioned a character in my current story on him. I called him Truman. Truman Raucous (a continuation of a short story I submitted for creative writing folio in year 12) is a mobster who loves his youngest daughter the most. Coincidentally, my mother is my grandpa's youngest daughter. Beyond the fact that Truman, at 90, pisses all over the bathroom floor and loves soft food, there's probably little resemblance. But I've also included mentions of Truman's late wife who had dementia and, during her episodes, was paranoid that Truman was having a mistress.
My grandma died three years ago and also had dementia. She was wheelchair bound towards the end but, whenever the curtain swished or one of my aunt's walked past the window outside, she'd get out of her chair and hobble over to investigate. She occasionally yelled obscenities at my aunts, thinking they were my grandpa's secret concubines.
Fun fact of the day: I hope my parents never die or, strangely enough, I hope they die after me so I won't have to bear that loss.
J
It
It by Stephen King is probably one of the best books I've read in a long time.
His memoir/writing manual (On Writing) is the only non-fiction book that has ever captivated me (besides Boy by Roald Dahl but that was basically a grungier, dirtier version of all of his actual fiction, kids' books).
The thing I love about It the most is the way the children are portrayed. The kids are intelligent, they're brave, they're individual and all unique, they have personalities and real fears and real feelings. The thing that was most intoxicating for me was their bravery and independance.
The reason I love Enid Blyton's The Famous Five is because I love the idea of self-sufficient kids being able to go on these great adventures and defeat bad guys and just generally be awesome. The kids in It are like a stream of this except in a different strand. They're smarter and have to fight more sadistic and evil enemies. While Enid Blyton wrote about older kids, she was writing for young kids. Conversely, Stephen King writes about younger kids but for older adults so there's also a splash of teen angst, sexual awakenings, mental and physical abuse. And ya'll know I won't read a book unless it has something about sex in it.
I would describe It as Lord of the Flies meets every good horror movie/book in the world. After reading a scene in which blood bubbles out of a drain and a voice calls out to a girl from the drain, I was so scared to go to the bathroom. Do you know how long it's been since I was scared to go to the bathroom? WEEKS.
Okay, maybe years. I used to be terrified of going to the bathroom at night because I was sure someone was going to pull me into the drain or I was going to take a piss and a mangy, old hand was going to come out of the toilet and drag me in (by the vagina? I don't know what a hand coming out of the toilet could grab onto).
I haven't finished it but I imagine something even more epic is going to come very soon and I'm probably going to become scared of going outdoors or closing my eyes or washing dishes or watching television.
I've also decided to get back onto my healthy eating plan after the new year... No more snacks, no more cake or cookies or ice-cream! I'm not going to bake ANYTHING unless it's for a very special occasion.
J
His memoir/writing manual (On Writing) is the only non-fiction book that has ever captivated me (besides Boy by Roald Dahl but that was basically a grungier, dirtier version of all of his actual fiction, kids' books).
The thing I love about It the most is the way the children are portrayed. The kids are intelligent, they're brave, they're individual and all unique, they have personalities and real fears and real feelings. The thing that was most intoxicating for me was their bravery and independance.
The reason I love Enid Blyton's The Famous Five is because I love the idea of self-sufficient kids being able to go on these great adventures and defeat bad guys and just generally be awesome. The kids in It are like a stream of this except in a different strand. They're smarter and have to fight more sadistic and evil enemies. While Enid Blyton wrote about older kids, she was writing for young kids. Conversely, Stephen King writes about younger kids but for older adults so there's also a splash of teen angst, sexual awakenings, mental and physical abuse. And ya'll know I won't read a book unless it has something about sex in it.
I would describe It as Lord of the Flies meets every good horror movie/book in the world. After reading a scene in which blood bubbles out of a drain and a voice calls out to a girl from the drain, I was so scared to go to the bathroom. Do you know how long it's been since I was scared to go to the bathroom? WEEKS.
Okay, maybe years. I used to be terrified of going to the bathroom at night because I was sure someone was going to pull me into the drain or I was going to take a piss and a mangy, old hand was going to come out of the toilet and drag me in (by the vagina? I don't know what a hand coming out of the toilet could grab onto).
I haven't finished it but I imagine something even more epic is going to come very soon and I'm probably going to become scared of going outdoors or closing my eyes or washing dishes or watching television.
I've also decided to get back onto my healthy eating plan after the new year... No more snacks, no more cake or cookies or ice-cream! I'm not going to bake ANYTHING unless it's for a very special occasion.
J
Monday, December 26, 2011
In Which I Rant a Lot About Inconsequential Nonsense (Romantic Crap)
I am now recovering from a family friend boxing day dinner. It is just midnight now.
The guy who I often refer to as Hot Family Friend Guy came as he was visiting his family over Christmas. He lives and works in Canberra. He is 24. Unfortunately, that is just outside my five year radius. I don't know why but I was really nervous to see him this afternoon. It's odd because he was always so much older than me (and still is) and I never actually liked him romantically. But his mother is always like, "Martin should marry Junaberry."
That's his name, Martin. You may not know this but Martin is one of my favourite boys' names. Ever reading the Life and Times of Gracie Faltrain in year eight, Martin has become one of my favourite male names. I think of a Martin as really sweet, slightly nerdy, intelligent and caring. Like the character in the book, Hot Family Friend Guy pretty much meets all these criteria.
I think I probably hyped him up physically in my mind. He's a little short (maybe like 5'7-5'9) but he's probably the smartest guy I know and I don't even know him that well. He's also probably the politest, nicest, sweetest guy I know. He's quite shy and quiet but not socially incompetent. We were playing hangman. He kept guessing the most ridiculous (read: hard) words. It was amazing. A man with an amazing vocabulary is hard to come by. But more than that was modesty.
I don't think I like him but I just have a lot of respect for him. He's the guy you want to end up with the nicest, prettiest girl out there because he deserves her and you hope she deserves him.
J
The guy who I often refer to as Hot Family Friend Guy came as he was visiting his family over Christmas. He lives and works in Canberra. He is 24. Unfortunately, that is just outside my five year radius. I don't know why but I was really nervous to see him this afternoon. It's odd because he was always so much older than me (and still is) and I never actually liked him romantically. But his mother is always like, "Martin should marry Junaberry."
That's his name, Martin. You may not know this but Martin is one of my favourite boys' names. Ever reading the Life and Times of Gracie Faltrain in year eight, Martin has become one of my favourite male names. I think of a Martin as really sweet, slightly nerdy, intelligent and caring. Like the character in the book, Hot Family Friend Guy pretty much meets all these criteria.
I think I probably hyped him up physically in my mind. He's a little short (maybe like 5'7-5'9) but he's probably the smartest guy I know and I don't even know him that well. He's also probably the politest, nicest, sweetest guy I know. He's quite shy and quiet but not socially incompetent. We were playing hangman. He kept guessing the most ridiculous (read: hard) words. It was amazing. A man with an amazing vocabulary is hard to come by. But more than that was modesty.
I don't think I like him but I just have a lot of respect for him. He's the guy you want to end up with the nicest, prettiest girl out there because he deserves her and you hope she deserves him.
J
Sunday, December 25, 2011
E.M. on C.F.
Oh shit. This man gives me a hard-on. I don't even know to which one I am referring.
You know how I always say that talent can make someone extremely attractive? Who woulda thunk that talent with the harmonica could improve someone from "Spicy!" to "MY BODY IS READY"? Would you judge me if I told you my intention is to buy a harmonica in the not too distant future and master it then go to Scotland whilst E.M. is there and lure him into my lady-cave?
J
You know how I always say that talent can make someone extremely attractive? Who woulda thunk that talent with the harmonica could improve someone from "Spicy!" to "MY BODY IS READY"? Would you judge me if I told you my intention is to buy a harmonica in the not too distant future and master it then go to Scotland whilst E.M. is there and lure him into my lady-cave?
J
Crassmess
Merry Crassmess everyone!
My brother bought me the 2011 Jane Eyre starring Mia Wavsodu093$*%SDF and Mikey Fassbender. I quite enjoyed it and now, when Wynn and I have our period drama day, we can watch that. I haven't read the book in a while but I was reading about it on the internet and they mentioned a part where Rochester basically tells Jane she values her mind more than her body.
I think this sentiment is extremely lovely. I also like that both of them are supposed to be dreadfully "plain."
J
My brother bought me the 2011 Jane Eyre starring Mia Wavsodu093$*%SDF and Mikey Fassbender. I quite enjoyed it and now, when Wynn and I have our period drama day, we can watch that. I haven't read the book in a while but I was reading about it on the internet and they mentioned a part where Rochester basically tells Jane she values her mind more than her body.
I think this sentiment is extremely lovely. I also like that both of them are supposed to be dreadfully "plain."
J
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Rihanna - "You Da One"
Dear Rihanna,
Why are you grabbing your crotch so much in this video? For that matter, in all your videos? I think the gyrating should stop soonish. You're getting older and the bones might get creaky.
I love you. Please stop.
J
Things I Do Irrationally and a Message of Peace (and Love)
1. Check behind the shower curtain when I go to the bathroom at night.
2. Hate it when pretty, young things get killed in movies even though attractive people deserve to die just as much as unattractive people.
3. Hate on macarons because I'm secretly a hipster at heart (perhaps not so irrational in that case?).
4. Buy unflattering clothes because they cost $5 then tell Little Mishelle off for doing the same.
5. Tell myself to go on a diet then make cupcakes the next day therefore rendering my intentions useless (I cannot say no to a cupcake).
In other news, I went to the city today with my brother to help him buy a (very late) Christmas present for his "special lady friend."
I was thinking about this relatively unrelated thing the other day. I saw this guy in my year, who was pretty much regarded as unpopular and unattractive, with his special lady friend. Or that's the impression I got. They were cute. He walked over to the shops to meet with her in searing heat then walked back to his house (not that I stalked them but I know where he lives and they walked in that direction).
It's Christmas eve and it's actually really nice weather. Which is nice but, like I said, probably because of global warming and the coming apocalypse. In case the apocalypse does come imminently, I wanted to send a message of warmth and love which just so happens to coincide with the 2011 Holiday Season.
To all friends who may or may not be reading this, I love you so much. I think you're all incredibly special and am so glad to have your friendship.
HATE SPINNERBAIT.
J
2. Hate it when pretty, young things get killed in movies even though attractive people deserve to die just as much as unattractive people.
3. Hate on macarons because I'm secretly a hipster at heart (perhaps not so irrational in that case?).
4. Buy unflattering clothes because they cost $5 then tell Little Mishelle off for doing the same.
5. Tell myself to go on a diet then make cupcakes the next day therefore rendering my intentions useless (I cannot say no to a cupcake).
In other news, I went to the city today with my brother to help him buy a (very late) Christmas present for his "special lady friend."
I was thinking about this relatively unrelated thing the other day. I saw this guy in my year, who was pretty much regarded as unpopular and unattractive, with his special lady friend. Or that's the impression I got. They were cute. He walked over to the shops to meet with her in searing heat then walked back to his house (not that I stalked them but I know where he lives and they walked in that direction).
It's Christmas eve and it's actually really nice weather. Which is nice but, like I said, probably because of global warming and the coming apocalypse. In case the apocalypse does come imminently, I wanted to send a message of warmth and love which just so happens to coincide with the 2011 Holiday Season.
To all friends who may or may not be reading this, I love you so much. I think you're all incredibly special and am so glad to have your friendship.
HATE SPINNERBAIT.
J
Friday, December 23, 2011
The Vow
Hnng! They used Enchanted in the trailer. I approve and may watch it with Big Michelle for this fact alone.
J
Taylor Swift - "Safe and Sound"
Beautiful, haunting, perfect etc. etc.
Now that Taylor has thrown her support (I suppose...) behind The Hunger Games, I can safely read the books and perhaps watch the movie.
J
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Christmassy Challah Buns
Virgin challah buns pre-rise, juxtaposed against Christmas present sitting below sad little Christmas tree to which Little Mishelle has taken an irrational liking to.
Post first rise, yeasty magic (secretly elves?).
Divided into my beauteous muffin pan.
Post second rise.
The texture is comparable to a bready muffin, they smell beautiful (like Christmas! I put lots of cinnamon and mixed spice in the mix to make them more seasonal).
In the form they were intended to be in; with Nutella and in my belly.
These turned out nothing like the recipe intended... http://kochtopf.twoday.net/stories/nutella-rolls-for-world-nutella-day/ But they are delicious nonetheless.
J
J
Bridget Jones's Massive Underwear
I am currently: gorging on biscotti while watching Bridget Jones's Diary, waiting for my Christmassy challah rolls to cool and deciding what to do when this movie finishes in 10 minutes.
I like this movie. I like it a lot. I liked the book even more but the movie is good as well. Mainly because of Colin Firth bizarrely enough because I never liked him before but now I like him very much so. There's nothing better than a really campy movie with fantastically dramatic, mopey music to suit the mood.
It's a lot like Love, Actually which I need to watch every time it is on television. So brilliantly campy and sad and romantic.
J
I like this movie. I like it a lot. I liked the book even more but the movie is good as well. Mainly because of Colin Firth bizarrely enough because I never liked him before but now I like him very much so. There's nothing better than a really campy movie with fantastically dramatic, mopey music to suit the mood.
It's a lot like Love, Actually which I need to watch every time it is on television. So brilliantly campy and sad and romantic.
J
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
(500) Days of Bummer
http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/65085025.html
I know I've said this before but just shut up and listen (to quote L.M. once again). Not really, I just want to rant. There's this scene in (500) Days of Summer where the two lovers are frolicking in Ikea and lying in a bed and they look over and there's a Chinese family staring at them. One of them (I can't remember which) says, "There's a Chinese family in our kitchen/bedroom/something." That really pissed me off.
Up until that point, I was enjoying the movie. Oh, so indi! So dramatic! So fun! So romantic! But after that, I just couldn't. It HAD to be an Asian family staring at them. And they HAD to comment on the fact that they were Asian. Just grow the fuck up.
There's a Japanese character in Breakfast at Tiffany's played by a white guy (Rooney). He is portrayed as a slightly perverted, clownish idiot who both annoys perfect, White Holly while demanding rent and, at the same time, alluding to the possibility of him raping her at any point. It kind of tainted the movie to me as well.
Some years later (or at the time... I can't remember), there were complaints about the portrayal of that singular Asian character. I think the portrayal of the Chinese family in (500) Days of Summer is very similar to the portrayal of the Japanese landlord in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I don't know if it's racism. I don't think it's racism. I think it was a bunch of White guys, sitting in a room, saying to each other, "Haw haw, imagine if we put this really weird, slanty-eyed Asian family in there, staring at the White folk. How hilar would that be? Man, Asians are so weird."
To summarise: Asians are always portrayed as these side projects. One dimensional characters who offer nothing more than a face to laugh at and a culture to satirize. Asians are never the main character in Western cinema. Or characters with some depth. It's always other ethnicities that get swept up in romance or go on wild adventures etc. If you look behind the curtain of stereotype, you will find something interesting. Not just culture but individuality. We're not all the same.
I keep editing this post and adding more crap but... This is probably the only reason I occasionally like watching Asian cinema. You get all the flavours of the rainbow. Asians portrayed as badasses, good people, bad people, sluts, ingenues, gangsters, family men/women, brothers, sisters, businessmen, artists. It's refreshing to see Asians not all clumped into one big mass.
J
I know I've said this before but just shut up and listen (to quote L.M. once again). Not really, I just want to rant. There's this scene in (500) Days of Summer where the two lovers are frolicking in Ikea and lying in a bed and they look over and there's a Chinese family staring at them. One of them (I can't remember which) says, "There's a Chinese family in our kitchen/bedroom/something." That really pissed me off.
Up until that point, I was enjoying the movie. Oh, so indi! So dramatic! So fun! So romantic! But after that, I just couldn't. It HAD to be an Asian family staring at them. And they HAD to comment on the fact that they were Asian. Just grow the fuck up.
There's a Japanese character in Breakfast at Tiffany's played by a white guy (Rooney). He is portrayed as a slightly perverted, clownish idiot who both annoys perfect, White Holly while demanding rent and, at the same time, alluding to the possibility of him raping her at any point. It kind of tainted the movie to me as well.
Some years later (or at the time... I can't remember), there were complaints about the portrayal of that singular Asian character. I think the portrayal of the Chinese family in (500) Days of Summer is very similar to the portrayal of the Japanese landlord in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I don't know if it's racism. I don't think it's racism. I think it was a bunch of White guys, sitting in a room, saying to each other, "Haw haw, imagine if we put this really weird, slanty-eyed Asian family in there, staring at the White folk. How hilar would that be? Man, Asians are so weird."
To summarise: Asians are always portrayed as these side projects. One dimensional characters who offer nothing more than a face to laugh at and a culture to satirize. Asians are never the main character in Western cinema. Or characters with some depth. It's always other ethnicities that get swept up in romance or go on wild adventures etc. If you look behind the curtain of stereotype, you will find something interesting. Not just culture but individuality. We're not all the same.
I keep editing this post and adding more crap but... This is probably the only reason I occasionally like watching Asian cinema. You get all the flavours of the rainbow. Asians portrayed as badasses, good people, bad people, sluts, ingenues, gangsters, family men/women, brothers, sisters, businessmen, artists. It's refreshing to see Asians not all clumped into one big mass.
J
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sluts Beware
If I was a vigilante, I would be the vigilante that swoops down on unsuspecting sluts and persuades them (not through force) to change their ways. Jk buddy, jk. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a slut. In fact, I abhor the word slut (unless it's being used to describe me... Somehow, I would one day like to be called a slut?) because it's used negatively to describe girls who get around.
What's wrong with getting around?
Very little so long as you're not hurting anybody or yourself. Maybe one day I want to go and have sex with a bunch of guys. This doesn't mean I should be a social outcast who gets dirty looks whenever I where something above the knee. It means I will have tonnes of great stories to tell ("You should have seen it... Dayum") and experiences to reflect on in my old age.
I'll be that 89 year old, sitting and pal'ling around with my fellow 89 year old bedfellow (slut 'til I die). I'll tell him all about my youth, how flexible I used to be and the shenanigans I got up to.
There is too much judgement in the world nowadays. And so much hypocrisy. That being said, there is a difference between someone who partakes in a lot of casual sex and someone who doesn't respect oneself. But then again, what's up with this "respect your body" bullshit? Maybe by skanking around, I AM respecting my body. My body is a temple and I'm letting its freak-flag fly. What's wrong with that?
Anyway. Use condoms, kids.
J
What's wrong with getting around?
Very little so long as you're not hurting anybody or yourself. Maybe one day I want to go and have sex with a bunch of guys. This doesn't mean I should be a social outcast who gets dirty looks whenever I where something above the knee. It means I will have tonnes of great stories to tell ("You should have seen it... Dayum") and experiences to reflect on in my old age.
I'll be that 89 year old, sitting and pal'ling around with my fellow 89 year old bedfellow (slut 'til I die). I'll tell him all about my youth, how flexible I used to be and the shenanigans I got up to.
There is too much judgement in the world nowadays. And so much hypocrisy. That being said, there is a difference between someone who partakes in a lot of casual sex and someone who doesn't respect oneself. But then again, what's up with this "respect your body" bullshit? Maybe by skanking around, I AM respecting my body. My body is a temple and I'm letting its freak-flag fly. What's wrong with that?
Anyway. Use condoms, kids.
J
I Hate Blogs...
I hate blogs:
1. Where the food servings they take pictures of are so much smaller than what I eat and I feel fat and disgusting.
2. That have no obvious "next page" button, usually because they are all in white. I get so frustrated because I want more, I know there's more but I don't know how to get there.
J
1. Where the food servings they take pictures of are so much smaller than what I eat and I feel fat and disgusting.
2. That have no obvious "next page" button, usually because they are all in white. I get so frustrated because I want more, I know there's more but I don't know how to get there.
J
Some Rant
You may or may not know that I recently watched Atonement and really liked it. I originally hated it (before watching it) because a) I hated Keira Knightley, b) I watched Becoming Jane the other day (which I hated) which contained James McAvoy who wasn't actually bad but I just associated him with bad things after that. But I watched it and it was great. I liked how it transitioned from the dulcet tones of a hot day in upper class Britain to the sexual escapades of two crazy kids (James McAvoy pinning Keira Knightley on a bookshelf, having le sex, use of word "cunt" etc. etc.) to the controversy of a misdirected accusation of rape to WWII to etc. etc. You get the idea.
As you can imagine, I was very pumped. Very pumped to read Atonement and any other crap I could get from writer Ian McEwan. So I reserved practically all his books from the library and went to pick them up the next morning (reservations come in incredibly quickly, even from other libraries). I went home, picked up Saturday with the highest expectations. I just imagined this incredible, beautiful, moving book that would lift my soul blah blah etc. etc.
The main character was a neurosurgeon. The first few pages were filled with medical jargon and the most boring description of a plane on fire. Plane on fire; should be exhilirating/terrifying/exciting, right? WRONG. Fucking boring, wanted to claw my eyes out. "Shut up, McEwan, you boring fucker," I thought to myself. I was so sad, I really wanted to get hooked onto a great new author.
As for the medical jargon; WHY. Fucking why, you fucker. It is so unnecessary. These bitches (Ian McEwan is considered one of the finest British authors) get to follow neurosurgeons around for two years and have them consult them with all the medical jargon to include in the book. What did it add to the story? NOTHING, I skimmed over those parts whilst simultaneously forking my eyeballs out.
Needless to say, I didn't get very far and now I have three turd-books sitting on my bedroom floor to be returned to the library. I borrowed It (Stephen King) from Little Mishelle today and managed to plow through a fair bit this afternoon. Critics often call Stephen King a "popular" writer, a "mainstream" writer like some kind of insult. Like he doesn't have the intellectual stamina to write a book that could be considered decent by them.
But riddle me this: if you can't even hold the attention of a reader for more than few pages then what's the point in writing an "intellectual" book? I would rather read about child-eating demons disguised as clowns over boring people thinking/talking about how they have no place in the world, how they have no real power in the world, how their life is meaningless any day.
You are dismissed.
J
As you can imagine, I was very pumped. Very pumped to read Atonement and any other crap I could get from writer Ian McEwan. So I reserved practically all his books from the library and went to pick them up the next morning (reservations come in incredibly quickly, even from other libraries). I went home, picked up Saturday with the highest expectations. I just imagined this incredible, beautiful, moving book that would lift my soul blah blah etc. etc.
The main character was a neurosurgeon. The first few pages were filled with medical jargon and the most boring description of a plane on fire. Plane on fire; should be exhilirating/terrifying/exciting, right? WRONG. Fucking boring, wanted to claw my eyes out. "Shut up, McEwan, you boring fucker," I thought to myself. I was so sad, I really wanted to get hooked onto a great new author.
As for the medical jargon; WHY. Fucking why, you fucker. It is so unnecessary. These bitches (Ian McEwan is considered one of the finest British authors) get to follow neurosurgeons around for two years and have them consult them with all the medical jargon to include in the book. What did it add to the story? NOTHING, I skimmed over those parts whilst simultaneously forking my eyeballs out.
Needless to say, I didn't get very far and now I have three turd-books sitting on my bedroom floor to be returned to the library. I borrowed It (Stephen King) from Little Mishelle today and managed to plow through a fair bit this afternoon. Critics often call Stephen King a "popular" writer, a "mainstream" writer like some kind of insult. Like he doesn't have the intellectual stamina to write a book that could be considered decent by them.
But riddle me this: if you can't even hold the attention of a reader for more than few pages then what's the point in writing an "intellectual" book? I would rather read about child-eating demons disguised as clowns over boring people thinking/talking about how they have no place in the world, how they have no real power in the world, how their life is meaningless any day.
You are dismissed.
J
Fun Game, Haters to the Left
I have this file on my computer called "Kryptonite" filled with images I have collected over the years of hot guys. Here's a sample of some of the image titles:
1. ass.
2. Capt. Moneybags.
3. Dough Ring.
4. Oh Hai Cary!
5. Rodrigo.
6. x-hotness.
I challenge all haters to guess/make an educated guess about what sort of image (just a general idea, no need to be super specific) accompanies those titles!
If I get no responses I will simply assume I have no haters. If I get many responses I will assume they couldn't resist responding because they have so much love for me.
J
1. ass.
2. Capt. Moneybags.
3. Dough Ring.
4. Oh Hai Cary!
5. Rodrigo.
6. x-hotness.
I challenge all haters to guess/make an educated guess about what sort of image (just a general idea, no need to be super specific) accompanies those titles!
If I get no responses I will simply assume I have no haters. If I get many responses I will assume they couldn't resist responding because they have so much love for me.
J
One Perfect Day
It would go something like this:
8.30am: Awaken to cloudy, cool but comfortable day.
8.35am: Leisurely breakfast that changes everyday (I like muffins, English muffins, other muffins and scones which can sometimes be considered muffins).
9am: Shower and cleanse self.
9.15am: Take dogs (Ducky, Lorelai and Fred) for long walk along interesting and varying terrain not unlike Wuthering Heights.
9.30am: Rest for dogs to drink water beside serene scenery.
9.45am: Continue walk.
12pm: Get home (some sort of cottage/shack/underground lair/treehouse).
12.15pm: Play with dogs.
12.45pm: Have sex.
7.30pm: Eat dinner outside with dogs (by substituting lunch with sex I will undoubtedly lose weight) and lover.
8.15pm: Read/TV/internet.
12am: Bedtime.
As you can see, my perfect day involves a lot of nothingness.
J
8.30am: Awaken to cloudy, cool but comfortable day.
8.35am: Leisurely breakfast that changes everyday (I like muffins, English muffins, other muffins and scones which can sometimes be considered muffins).
9am: Shower and cleanse self.
9.15am: Take dogs (Ducky, Lorelai and Fred) for long walk along interesting and varying terrain not unlike Wuthering Heights.
9.30am: Rest for dogs to drink water beside serene scenery.
9.45am: Continue walk.
12pm: Get home (some sort of cottage/shack/underground lair/treehouse).
12.15pm: Play with dogs.
12.45pm: Have sex.
7.30pm: Eat dinner outside with dogs (by substituting lunch with sex I will undoubtedly lose weight) and lover.
8.15pm: Read/TV/internet.
12am: Bedtime.
As you can see, my perfect day involves a lot of nothingness.
J
Monday, December 19, 2011
Biscotti Champion
This is not biscotti, fyi.
This is banana bread, fuck yeah, luxury.
I sent my brother out to buy me home brand cocoa powder, this is the shit he came back with. So pressed.
Primed for second baking.
I lapped up those crumbs and then licked the knife.
BISCOTTI FUCKING CHAMPION.
J
Sunday, December 18, 2011
My Favourite Things
What started as an Oprah-esque "My Favourite Things" post quickly turned into "Random Photos" post.
Sad little Christmas tree.
Stationery cupboard.
Brother's Financial Accounting book (2009) vs. Dad's Financial Accounting book (long time ago).
We have videos but no VCR.
You know how I feel about these.
The chocolates from Favourites that noone likes.
My growing book collection.
My Enid Blyton inspired bag. I like to imagine George having this slung across her shoulders as she gallavants across the British countryside with her cousins.
My moisturiser and Avon cosmetics. And cheap tissues.
A culmination of my new favourite director (Joe Wright) and potentially new favourite author, Ian McEwan.
I tore this out of the Sunday Times and stuck it on my door.
The snake I made, the dog I gave birth to.
Recycslables (to watch Gilmore Girls is to understand reference).
J
Sad little Christmas tree.
Stationery cupboard.
Brother's Financial Accounting book (2009) vs. Dad's Financial Accounting book (long time ago).
We have videos but no VCR.
You know how I feel about these.
The chocolates from Favourites that noone likes.
My growing book collection.
My Enid Blyton inspired bag. I like to imagine George having this slung across her shoulders as she gallavants across the British countryside with her cousins.
My moisturiser and Avon cosmetics. And cheap tissues.
A culmination of my new favourite director (Joe Wright) and potentially new favourite author, Ian McEwan.
I tore this out of the Sunday Times and stuck it on my door.
The snake I made, the dog I gave birth to.
Recycslables (to watch Gilmore Girls is to understand reference).J
Age
Just realized people's voices change with age. I am freaking out about what I will sound like at 55.
Also, at what age does it become innappropriate for a woman to have long hair? Meryl Streep still has long hair but she was in Bridges of Madison County so I think she is exempt from any age-related restrictions (seriously, that show made me simultaneously cry and fall in love with Clint Eastwood, handsome devil). Zoe Deschanel is pushing 30 (or 35, I don't know; I can't be bothered checking because I abhor/love her) and she has long ass hair. But she still has little kid bangs so she may also be exempt as evidently she has the mind of a two year old.
So seriously folks. What age?
My grandpa will eat nothing but egg and tofu because he's too lazy to chew. Like, he can chew but won't. To be old, I imagine, is like ruling the world. You can say to people, "BRING ME SOME TOFU, THESE VEGETABLES ARE BELOW ME," (he doesn't eat vegetables either) and bitches will come running.
J
Also, at what age does it become innappropriate for a woman to have long hair? Meryl Streep still has long hair but she was in Bridges of Madison County so I think she is exempt from any age-related restrictions (seriously, that show made me simultaneously cry and fall in love with Clint Eastwood, handsome devil). Zoe Deschanel is pushing 30 (or 35, I don't know; I can't be bothered checking because I abhor/love her) and she has long ass hair. But she still has little kid bangs so she may also be exempt as evidently she has the mind of a two year old.
So seriously folks. What age?
My grandpa will eat nothing but egg and tofu because he's too lazy to chew. Like, he can chew but won't. To be old, I imagine, is like ruling the world. You can say to people, "BRING ME SOME TOFU, THESE VEGETABLES ARE BELOW ME," (he doesn't eat vegetables either) and bitches will come running.
J
Saturday, December 17, 2011
This Holiday
As I'm not working this holiday, I told myself I would find inner nirvana, improve myself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically (lol, that didn't last...). I would achieve this through extended bouts of meditation (watching TV), reading (ontd), writing (erotic thrillers) and consuming cultural offerings (food).
It's gone well.
It's crazy how my opinion on Keira Knightley has done a 180 over the last two weeks. I used to despise her (read: DESPISE HER) and everything she represented. Now, I cannot get enough of her.
J
It's gone well.
It's crazy how my opinion on Keira Knightley has done a 180 over the last two weeks. I used to despise her (read: DESPISE HER) and everything she represented. Now, I cannot get enough of her.
J
Friday, December 16, 2011
An Education
I just finished watching An Education.
I liked:
1. Carey Mulligan (perfect in Pride & Prejudice).
2. Rosamund Pike (perfect in Pride & Prejudice, perfect in every way, still wish I was a dude so I could impregnate her).
3. Eating of egg and toast at end of film, appreciate all films containing food especially if whimsical.
4. Dresses and their prettiness.
5. Recombination of two P & P actresses (it's bizarre because I just realized how many movies have recombinations of P & P actors and actresses and it warms my heart).
I did not like:
1. Development of Jenny character from free spirited, book-smart 16 year old to mean spirited, careless 17 year old possibly harbouring STIs.
2. Development of Jenny character in terms of change, seemed to fast, did not seem natural.
3. Deflowering of (fresh) 17 year old by 30+ man with hairy chest (I have no qualms with hairy chested men but it makes them seem manlier and older, non?).
4. Suggestion of usage of phallic shaped fruit to deflower character Jenny, 17 year old virgin.
The end.
J
I liked:
1. Carey Mulligan (perfect in Pride & Prejudice).
2. Rosamund Pike (perfect in Pride & Prejudice, perfect in every way, still wish I was a dude so I could impregnate her).
3. Eating of egg and toast at end of film, appreciate all films containing food especially if whimsical.
4. Dresses and their prettiness.
5. Recombination of two P & P actresses (it's bizarre because I just realized how many movies have recombinations of P & P actors and actresses and it warms my heart).
I did not like:
1. Development of Jenny character from free spirited, book-smart 16 year old to mean spirited, careless 17 year old possibly harbouring STIs.
2. Development of Jenny character in terms of change, seemed to fast, did not seem natural.
3. Deflowering of (fresh) 17 year old by 30+ man with hairy chest (I have no qualms with hairy chested men but it makes them seem manlier and older, non?).
4. Suggestion of usage of phallic shaped fruit to deflower character Jenny, 17 year old virgin.
The end.
J
Discipline
Currently reading this brilliance: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/65141510.html#cutid1
The weather is nice at the moment. Warm but comfortable. Not too sunny. I would enjoy it more if I didn't think it indicative of the looming 2012 and end of the world (maybe I should lose my virginity before then?).
My grandpa is coming tomorrow. Sigh, off to luxuriate in a piss-free toilet floor and lack of food chunks in the bathroom sink until then. This is my life for the next three months. Stumbling into the toilet in the middle of the night to piss and forgetting I have to prance around to avoid puddles left by my grandpa. Desperately trying to convince myself it will be okay. I'm going to try to be very nice to him because he's old and shit but sometimes I can be a selfish, insolent git. Not gonna lie.
J
The weather is nice at the moment. Warm but comfortable. Not too sunny. I would enjoy it more if I didn't think it indicative of the looming 2012 and end of the world (maybe I should lose my virginity before then?).
My grandpa is coming tomorrow. Sigh, off to luxuriate in a piss-free toilet floor and lack of food chunks in the bathroom sink until then. This is my life for the next three months. Stumbling into the toilet in the middle of the night to piss and forgetting I have to prance around to avoid puddles left by my grandpa. Desperately trying to convince myself it will be okay. I'm going to try to be very nice to him because he's old and shit but sometimes I can be a selfish, insolent git. Not gonna lie.
J
Present Time
Just wrapped all my Christmas presents for my family. I believe this is the first year I have actually proactively bought presents for each family member. Does this make me a bad daughter/sister? Whatever, I'm Asian and not Christian. This is also the first year I can stand by my presents with pride because I think the recipients will enjoy them thoroughly.
Especially the prophylactics I bought my brother... LOL JK?
J
Especially the prophylactics I bought my brother... LOL JK?
J
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Me, Write Porn?
I have taken to incorporating word play into my writing a la Vlad Nab(okov), my inspiration for all things literary. Who else could write such a disturbing yet bittersweet novel about a paedophile and his play date?
Really, my "word play" is just a lot of sexual innuendo. I've been thinking I should actually start writing erotic thrillers or something. I know at least three people who would read them!
Helen, because she's just a sexual miscreant.
Little Mishelle, because if I asked her she would read it because she loves me.
Nadia, because she's weird.
J
Really, my "word play" is just a lot of sexual innuendo. I've been thinking I should actually start writing erotic thrillers or something. I know at least three people who would read them!
Helen, because she's just a sexual miscreant.
Little Mishelle, because if I asked her she would read it because she loves me.
Nadia, because she's weird.
J
Do Not Lie (Most of All, to Yourself)
Dislike: unFrench people who call chocolate croissants, pain au chocolat.
You are not French.
J
You are not French.
J
Bastards
One thing I hate about getting into new blogs is that I come across so many brilliant ones and I read the whole thing before realizing they haven't updated since five months ago. Then I get really depressed. It's like with TV characters that leave a show. I'm left wondering where they went, why they went, what they're doing. I desperately cling onto any hope of reading a fabulous post of their's ever again.
I hope that in 10 years, if we've lost touch, you can come onto this blog and find a post from me written... two days ago or two hours ago and it'll be like we never lost touch at all.
J
I hope that in 10 years, if we've lost touch, you can come onto this blog and find a post from me written... two days ago or two hours ago and it'll be like we never lost touch at all.
J
You Da One
I don't know why but inevitably I always sit in front of that old guy with a phlegmy cough on the bus and subsequently get sprayed with some gelatinous fluid. This guy behind me today just kept coughing and phlegming up and then chewing on it and swallowing it.
Currently krumping the shit out of the latest Rihanna album that Little Mishelle gave me via usb. I don't know how to queue it up on Windoze Media Player so I just keep playing the separate files once the previous song has finished.
I went to the city today (by myself... a progression, don't you think? In year eight, I wouldn't even go to the school bathrooms by myself) to buy Christmas presents for family. I bought my mum a handbag (I know... I just bought her one for her birthday but she mentioned she was going to get a new black one) and some Studio Ghibli DVDs for my brother. For my dad, I bought this wind up torch from Ikea the other day. I just saw it there, amongst the other knick knacks and Ikea, and knew it was perfect for him. He wants us to install an exercise bike so we can generate power for our home ourself...
I think the wind up torch will be handy in a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion. If you've watched Signs, you'll know what I mean. They're stuck in the basement and have to conserve torch energy by switching off their torches. I mean, it's a crisis. It really would have been handy to have wind up torches at that point.
I remember one Christmas, we watched 28 Days Later and I made a pie.
My grandpa's coming to visit this week...
J
Currently krumping the shit out of the latest Rihanna album that Little Mishelle gave me via usb. I don't know how to queue it up on Windoze Media Player so I just keep playing the separate files once the previous song has finished.
I went to the city today (by myself... a progression, don't you think? In year eight, I wouldn't even go to the school bathrooms by myself) to buy Christmas presents for family. I bought my mum a handbag (I know... I just bought her one for her birthday but she mentioned she was going to get a new black one) and some Studio Ghibli DVDs for my brother. For my dad, I bought this wind up torch from Ikea the other day. I just saw it there, amongst the other knick knacks and Ikea, and knew it was perfect for him. He wants us to install an exercise bike so we can generate power for our home ourself...
I think the wind up torch will be handy in a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion. If you've watched Signs, you'll know what I mean. They're stuck in the basement and have to conserve torch energy by switching off their torches. I mean, it's a crisis. It really would have been handy to have wind up torches at that point.
I remember one Christmas, we watched 28 Days Later and I made a pie.
My grandpa's coming to visit this week...
J
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Blogs & Things
I've spent the last couple of hours pouring over some really great blogs. Allow me to recommend some in no particular order:
cafefernandes.com
orangette.blogspot.com
thisisnaive.com
You may notice that all the above blogs feature photos very heavily. Photo blogs are my favourite kind of blogs. I like the ones that have good chunks of writing with photos being featured instead of the other way around. I like backstory to my photos. I don't like reading full written blogs (like my own) because it's less stimulating. I always wanted to put more photos here but I don't think my blog could really be a photo blog. Far too much of it consists of nonsense and meaningless writing or flat out stalking (it would have been weird to post pictures of F here whilst I was at the height of my passion for him).
Also, I get lazy taking photos. You may remember me saying I started taking pictures throughout my day to keep an archive of my life... through photos... That lasted two days (which is actually pretty good) because I just kept taking picture of windows and trying to make them look artistic. It didn't work.
I think I'd rather just look at other people's superior photos and leave this blog for random writing. Also, if I started posting pictures I'd have to move blogs because I wouldn't be able to stand the inconsistency of lots of written posts and then suddenly a bunch of photo posts. It would be heinous.
J
cafefernandes.com
orangette.blogspot.com
thisisnaive.com
You may notice that all the above blogs feature photos very heavily. Photo blogs are my favourite kind of blogs. I like the ones that have good chunks of writing with photos being featured instead of the other way around. I like backstory to my photos. I don't like reading full written blogs (like my own) because it's less stimulating. I always wanted to put more photos here but I don't think my blog could really be a photo blog. Far too much of it consists of nonsense and meaningless writing or flat out stalking (it would have been weird to post pictures of F here whilst I was at the height of my passion for him).
Also, I get lazy taking photos. You may remember me saying I started taking pictures throughout my day to keep an archive of my life... through photos... That lasted two days (which is actually pretty good) because I just kept taking picture of windows and trying to make them look artistic. It didn't work.
I think I'd rather just look at other people's superior photos and leave this blog for random writing. Also, if I started posting pictures I'd have to move blogs because I wouldn't be able to stand the inconsistency of lots of written posts and then suddenly a bunch of photo posts. It would be heinous.
J
Leighton Meester - "Entitled"
At first, I was like, "Dis bitch wearing dis crop top," because I hate crop tops (they don't deserve the title "top" as they are barely tops at all) but then I was like, "Aiight, she be working it," when I realized she wasn't wearing a crop top.
J
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thoughts on Baking & Measurements
I would describe my approach to baking as... slap-bang. That's a thing, right? I hate measuring things so usually I guess. As you can imagine, measuring hard butter is very difficult so when my recent recipe for cinnamon bread called for six tablespoons of butter, I cut the butter up into six cubes and called each one a tablespoon. Could this explain my failure of cinnamon bread? Or maybe it was because I put the yeast into the hot milk/butter mixture while it was still hot instead of warm...
I use measuring cups to measure dry ingredients like flour and sugar but instead of following Ms. Cosson's advice (food tech teacher) and levelling off the various powders with a knife to get an exact measurement, I often dump a heaving, humped cup into my mixing bowl or a half empty cup in, promising myself I'll make up for it with the next scoop.
I think life is more interesting when it's slightly less organized. It's also more satisfying when the recipe comes out half decent after you've basically not followed the recipe at all.
When it comes to "extras" like nuts or chocolate chips, this is when it really falls to hell. Measuring half a cup of chocolate chips? PLEASE, more like pour it in until you feel you've broached a level of indecency. Usually, I tell myself I've put in less than half a cup and hence haughty-taughtily congratulate myself for my incredibly healthy habits. I am beginning to believe that I have in fact been putting in three quarters of a cup or, God forbid, a whole cup. My life is a joke.
I hate nuts so I usually just put in three to appease my nut-loving mother.
J
I use measuring cups to measure dry ingredients like flour and sugar but instead of following Ms. Cosson's advice (food tech teacher) and levelling off the various powders with a knife to get an exact measurement, I often dump a heaving, humped cup into my mixing bowl or a half empty cup in, promising myself I'll make up for it with the next scoop.
I think life is more interesting when it's slightly less organized. It's also more satisfying when the recipe comes out half decent after you've basically not followed the recipe at all.
When it comes to "extras" like nuts or chocolate chips, this is when it really falls to hell. Measuring half a cup of chocolate chips? PLEASE, more like pour it in until you feel you've broached a level of indecency. Usually, I tell myself I've put in less than half a cup and hence haughty-taughtily congratulate myself for my incredibly healthy habits. I am beginning to believe that I have in fact been putting in three quarters of a cup or, God forbid, a whole cup. My life is a joke.
I hate nuts so I usually just put in three to appease my nut-loving mother.
J
Future Homes/Destinations
So I've narrowed down the places I want to live to three locations. Bear with me.
1. Perth. For obvious reasons. My home for the past (and only) 18 years and nine months. I love it for family, friends, the pure fact that it's the only home I've known and is thus familiar and homely.
2. Canada. Like I've said, it's like five countries in one. France, Iceland/Greenland/Ant/Arctic, USA, Canada... Damn, I swear there's a fifth one but I can't remember.
3. San Francisco. No joke, this city is beautiful. I love how hilly the streets are. It's like a workout the second you step out of your door. May or may not be good/bad. Also, Princess Mia.
J
1. Perth. For obvious reasons. My home for the past (and only) 18 years and nine months. I love it for family, friends, the pure fact that it's the only home I've known and is thus familiar and homely.
2. Canada. Like I've said, it's like five countries in one. France, Iceland/Greenland/Ant/Arctic, USA, Canada... Damn, I swear there's a fifth one but I can't remember.
3. San Francisco. No joke, this city is beautiful. I love how hilly the streets are. It's like a workout the second you step out of your door. May or may not be good/bad. Also, Princess Mia.
J
Tops and Logs
So pressed. Every time I make bread, it comes out like a mud cake instead of being light and fluffy. Yesterday, I made cinnamon bread and I even waited to let it rest and rise for the right amount of time. I was so good, guys. And it still came out like a log. So lost.
Win today, however, as two people liked my top and Big Michelle even said it was slimming. Win. Lost weight without even losing weight. Cheers to "sloppy tops" in the words of Little Mishelle.
J
Win today, however, as two people liked my top and Big Michelle even said it was slimming. Win. Lost weight without even losing weight. Cheers to "sloppy tops" in the words of Little Mishelle.
J
Saturday, December 10, 2011
I (Dis)Like Zoe D
Madrefucker! I am on the precipice of liking Zoe Deschanel and it is really pissing me off. I read this in an interview:
'And when it comes to putting her outfits together, she's got quite the interesting criteria: "What if I need to run away? Just take off at any minute? I want to be able to run away and dance at all times."'
This is basically my philosophy in all aspects of life, not just dressing. So pressed.
J
'And when it comes to putting her outfits together, she's got quite the interesting criteria: "What if I need to run away? Just take off at any minute? I want to be able to run away and dance at all times."'
This is basically my philosophy in all aspects of life, not just dressing. So pressed.
J
Friday, December 9, 2011
She & Him - "You Really Got a Hold On Me"
If I start liking Zoe Deschanel (yes, still keeping to spelling her name that way), PLEASE put an end to my decrepit life. Because I cannot enjoy this sluz. She represents everything I abhor.
Even though this song is nice and enjoyable, there is so much to dislike about her. I'm sure she's a nice girl and yes, New Girl is pretty funny (but I think this has a lot to do with Max Greenfield AKA Deputy Leo) but she's just so... grating.
J
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Too Much of a Bad Thing
Have you ever loved a movie so much you wished it never ended and you wished there were countless sequels even if they were rubbish? It's a bad thing I have a blog because I get obsessive over a lot of things. People may or may not remember in year nine I had a large thing for High School Musical and subsequently watched it every day for a week (that's seven days, not a school week either). I had borrowed Kim's copy and, upon returning it, demanded my parents buy it for me (I was in year nine... not much of an excuse as I haven't really changed much).
On Monday I borrowed Pride & Prejudice (2005) from the library and have watched it every day since. Today, I made scones in honour of it because I saw them eating scones in the movie and had to have them. This is very much representative of my character; demanding. I need things done now. This is why I could never become a teacher or a paediatrician.
It's probably a good thing I don't have a lover because I was spend all day writing here, on this blog, about his musculature and scent.
J
On Monday I borrowed Pride & Prejudice (2005) from the library and have watched it every day since. Today, I made scones in honour of it because I saw them eating scones in the movie and had to have them. This is very much representative of my character; demanding. I need things done now. This is why I could never become a teacher or a paediatrician.
It's probably a good thing I don't have a lover because I was spend all day writing here, on this blog, about his musculature and scent.
J
My Utopia
You know what I think? (I know you don't care but, in the infamous words of Lily Mosc/kovitz, shut up and listen.)
Half the time, people want to have sex with each other. But then, half of that time nobody does anything about it because they're too scared. So even if two people desperately want to rip each others' clothes of and have their dirty way with each other, this may never happen. The good thing about Austen's time was everything was structured. You could meet someone at a jig in the local dance hall or whatever and then have them propose to you a week later. Then you could get married and have rampant sex. It's basically a fullproof society.
I've come to the conclusion it would be good if there was like this sign to show romantic or sexual interest. I always hear about stuff like that in the gay community (I don't know if it's true, a lot of it I get from ontd) where you do something subtle to let people know you're gay and if the other person is gay they better recognize and then all parties are happy. So maybe if there was a sign like tucking your hair behind your ear or flashing your breasts at someone, the other person could know you're interested and if they too were interested they could reciprocate by showing their hindquarters to you.
THEN YOU COULD HAVE RAMPANT SEX.
God, it would be just like Austen's time. A perfect society.
J
Half the time, people want to have sex with each other. But then, half of that time nobody does anything about it because they're too scared. So even if two people desperately want to rip each others' clothes of and have their dirty way with each other, this may never happen. The good thing about Austen's time was everything was structured. You could meet someone at a jig in the local dance hall or whatever and then have them propose to you a week later. Then you could get married and have rampant sex. It's basically a fullproof society.
I've come to the conclusion it would be good if there was like this sign to show romantic or sexual interest. I always hear about stuff like that in the gay community (I don't know if it's true, a lot of it I get from ontd) where you do something subtle to let people know you're gay and if the other person is gay they better recognize and then all parties are happy. So maybe if there was a sign like tucking your hair behind your ear or flashing your breasts at someone, the other person could know you're interested and if they too were interested they could reciprocate by showing their hindquarters to you.
THEN YOU COULD HAVE RAMPANT SEX.
God, it would be just like Austen's time. A perfect society.
J
I Have a New Affection for Mans' Hands
Okay guys, I just deleted a bunch of old, two line posts about Taylor Swift so ya'll can shut up now.
I have watched Pride & Prejudice three times in the space of two days and it is magnificent. I have watched six episodes of New Girl and it is magnificent. You should know I have a deep and irrational hatred of Zooey Deschanel and all that she represents. It's something to do with her bangs. I've always wanted bangs like that because, you know, they're so indi and shit and brings all the boys to the yard. But my Asian hair causes those bangs to just look tacky and dull instead of bouncy and pert. Like breasts.
Yesterday night, I asked my dad what he would think if I got blunt bangs like Zoe's (I will purposefully write her name incorrectly like this to demonstrate my unabiding hatred of that scarlet wench). He avoided the question for a while before outrightly saying it might look hideous because I have a broad face. BROAD FACE, PEOPLE. Like... Hagrid. Basically, my dad called me Hagrid yesterday. Never going to get blunt bangs. Never going to attract hot indi boys because even though I despise them all and all things indi or hipster, I am usually still attracted to this stream of boys.
I have to stop buying $6 books from my new favourite shop from Harbourtown because I haven't read half of the ones I have bought. But I keep telling myself, "Dude, $6 is the price of your favourite sushi from Broadway so if you skip eating sushi for one day then you can buy that book!" Pfft, $6 is nothing right? BUT I ALWAYS BUY AND EAT THE SUSHI ANYWAY.
Oh yeah, healthy eating plan has fallen to the wayside lately. Still eating less than usual but I've taken to eating junk again. Sigh. I went with my brother to uni because he had to do something for a while so I bought some yoghurt from the IGA. Then I read on the pack that it was three serves. Three serves, people. It was one of those yoghurt things with the spoon attached. Why would they give you an attached spoon if they didn't mean for you to eat the whole thing? Damnit, they are just taking advantage of us now. So I only ate half of it and threw the rest away because I felt obese.
The end.
J
I have watched Pride & Prejudice three times in the space of two days and it is magnificent. I have watched six episodes of New Girl and it is magnificent. You should know I have a deep and irrational hatred of Zooey Deschanel and all that she represents. It's something to do with her bangs. I've always wanted bangs like that because, you know, they're so indi and shit and brings all the boys to the yard. But my Asian hair causes those bangs to just look tacky and dull instead of bouncy and pert. Like breasts.
Yesterday night, I asked my dad what he would think if I got blunt bangs like Zoe's (I will purposefully write her name incorrectly like this to demonstrate my unabiding hatred of that scarlet wench). He avoided the question for a while before outrightly saying it might look hideous because I have a broad face. BROAD FACE, PEOPLE. Like... Hagrid. Basically, my dad called me Hagrid yesterday. Never going to get blunt bangs. Never going to attract hot indi boys because even though I despise them all and all things indi or hipster, I am usually still attracted to this stream of boys.
I have to stop buying $6 books from my new favourite shop from Harbourtown because I haven't read half of the ones I have bought. But I keep telling myself, "Dude, $6 is the price of your favourite sushi from Broadway so if you skip eating sushi for one day then you can buy that book!" Pfft, $6 is nothing right? BUT I ALWAYS BUY AND EAT THE SUSHI ANYWAY.
Oh yeah, healthy eating plan has fallen to the wayside lately. Still eating less than usual but I've taken to eating junk again. Sigh. I went with my brother to uni because he had to do something for a while so I bought some yoghurt from the IGA. Then I read on the pack that it was three serves. Three serves, people. It was one of those yoghurt things with the spoon attached. Why would they give you an attached spoon if they didn't mean for you to eat the whole thing? Damnit, they are just taking advantage of us now. So I only ate half of it and threw the rest away because I felt obese.
The end.
J
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
'Cos I'm on a Boat
Oh God. If somebody outside my most inner circle of friends reads this blog one day, they are going to think I am the weirdest, most obsessive/stalkerish, craziest freak in the whole world. Perhaps I am underneath this svelte outerwear...
J
J
More Taylor Stanning
The reason I get very angry at Taylor haters (that is, people who deliberately go and hate on Taylor) is because they are douche bags and not just because I adore her. They talk about her being just another souless, processed artist with no individuality nor talent nor personality. Being so vanilla that Streets has a flavour named after them. I spit in their faces.
People who know me know I am the biggest hater on the planet. I hate on many things. Right now, I'm hating that the spine of one of my books has been damaged so tomorrow I'm going to buy another one and donate my blasphemous one to some poor soul (it's only $6 and worth it for my sanity). But I cannot understand Taylor haters.
Anyone who has given her the time of day will see she writes what she believes wholeheartedly. "You Belong With Me" is one of the most cliched, cheesiest songs on the planet but do you really believe that Taylor decided one day to write a song like that because it had mass-market appeal and she could make a lot of money or do you think something happened to her akin to what happens in that song and so she decided to play it out in a song?
I believe she is one of the most genuine and kindhearted people out there. I don't think her capable of malice. I think her naive and innocent songs are the product of an equally naive and innocent character. The day it is proved to me that Taylor is capable of malice and coldness is the day my faith in humanity will be lost. Because I don't believe that someone who can convince me via the internet and via music that she is one of the sweetest human beings out there can really be a coldhearted person.
J
People who know me know I am the biggest hater on the planet. I hate on many things. Right now, I'm hating that the spine of one of my books has been damaged so tomorrow I'm going to buy another one and donate my blasphemous one to some poor soul (it's only $6 and worth it for my sanity). But I cannot understand Taylor haters.
Anyone who has given her the time of day will see she writes what she believes wholeheartedly. "You Belong With Me" is one of the most cliched, cheesiest songs on the planet but do you really believe that Taylor decided one day to write a song like that because it had mass-market appeal and she could make a lot of money or do you think something happened to her akin to what happens in that song and so she decided to play it out in a song?
I believe she is one of the most genuine and kindhearted people out there. I don't think her capable of malice. I think her naive and innocent songs are the product of an equally naive and innocent character. The day it is proved to me that Taylor is capable of malice and coldness is the day my faith in humanity will be lost. Because I don't believe that someone who can convince me via the internet and via music that she is one of the sweetest human beings out there can really be a coldhearted person.
J
Taylor Swift - "One Way Ticket"
Oh shit, this is so cute. Har har har. I see her fondness of standing in the pouring rain existed even at a very young age.
J
Dear Ros
Okay guys, if I ever become a lesbian this is the girl I want to be with: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:RosamundPikeJan2011.jpg
I spent the better half of watching Pride & Prejudice trying to decide if her eyes were brown or blue. I mean, those are like... opposite colours but in different lighting, they looked either brown or blue. In reality, I think they're kind of blue-grey.
You know how I feel about blondes and I believe this extends to all genders and even species. I wished I looked like her. Perhaps then I could have used that and my womanly wiles to prevent Simon Woods from gaiety.
J
I spent the better half of watching Pride & Prejudice trying to decide if her eyes were brown or blue. I mean, those are like... opposite colours but in different lighting, they looked either brown or blue. In reality, I think they're kind of blue-grey.
You know how I feel about blondes and I believe this extends to all genders and even species. I wished I looked like her. Perhaps then I could have used that and my womanly wiles to prevent Simon Woods from gaiety.
J
Mr. Bingley
Fuck my life. I watched Pride & Prejudice this afternoon and promptly fell in love with the guy that plays Mr. Bingley (Simon Woods http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simon_Woods) only to find out he's GAY.
I had just read that he and the actress, Rosamund Pike, who plays Jane Bennet were together when they were younger which I thought very romantic etc. etc. And all my hopes and dreams for this world were shattered when I found out he was gay. I'm just... WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?
J
I had just read that he and the actress, Rosamund Pike, who plays Jane Bennet were together when they were younger which I thought very romantic etc. etc. And all my hopes and dreams for this world were shattered when I found out he was gay. I'm just... WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?
J
Sunday, December 4, 2011
In a Land of Myth and Magic
I have to be honest. I have this secret theory that the whole Merlin cast hates Katie McGrath who plays Morgana. I may or may not have recently trolled the entire youtube looking for behind the scenes videos of Merlin. Some are so adorable especially the casual ones by Bradley and Colin. I always see Bradley, Colin and Angel being goons but never Katie and whenever Katie does show up I get this sense of not tension but just awkwardness.
This makes me sad for two reasons.
1. Maybe Katie thinks she's too good to fool around and act like a dick with the other cast members.
2. Maybe everyone else just unjustly hates Katie.
I don't know. This just makes me sad.
J
This makes me sad for two reasons.
1. Maybe Katie thinks she's too good to fool around and act like a dick with the other cast members.
2. Maybe everyone else just unjustly hates Katie.
I don't know. This just makes me sad.
J
Getting Frisky
The other day, I went with mum to Big W to buy lots and lots of toilet rolls. We're stocking up for 2012. Whilst at the checkout, I also bought a pack of watermelon 5 gum and have basically eaten all of it over the last day and a half. It's pretty great.
I also decided to archive my life in photographs. Like communism, good in theory... I ended up taking a billion photos of my bed and my desk and that was it because really, that's all my life is. Hopefully, I will have more interesting things to take photos of soon or I will just give up this idea.
I also am going to make dinner tonight. And two days ago, I made the sickest blueberry muffins for mum because they are her favourite.
WOW, MY LIFE IS SO EXCITING.
J
I also decided to archive my life in photographs. Like communism, good in theory... I ended up taking a billion photos of my bed and my desk and that was it because really, that's all my life is. Hopefully, I will have more interesting things to take photos of soon or I will just give up this idea.
I also am going to make dinner tonight. And two days ago, I made the sickest blueberry muffins for mum because they are her favourite.
WOW, MY LIFE IS SO EXCITING.
J
Taylor Swift - "Last Kiss"
Holy crap, this is so cute. Especially Taylor's mum singing along at about 1.35.
J
Cos my Heart is Yours
I love that Taylor is taller than Zach Gilford, "Jones" in the "Ours" music video. See, she can reach all the stuff on the top shelf that he couldn't before. Her contribution to the relationship is priceless.
J
J
Taylor Swift - "Back To December"
When I see this, I want to tell Taylor to put on some pants. It's snowing inside your house, for God's sake.
J
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Scarlet Road
I watched part of this documentary last night called The Scarlet Road about an Australian sex worker who specializes in working with people with disabilities. It was pretty incredible. As she explained how many of these men crave human companionship and intimacy but are unable to find it and how she gives them some facet of what they are missing in life, I still couldn't help but feel repulsion as they showed her getting intimate with a man with cerebral palsy (yes, they showed it and yes, I watched it...).
I felt wrong about reacting this way because when you think about it, it seems so unfair that people should be born with physical disabilities but completely functional minds and, as such, are unable to live normal lives. And because there minds are completely functional, they are fully aware of what their lives are lacking. Fully aware of how unfair it is.
It was pretty touching how the woman, Rachel, was with her clients. The thing is, it wasn't just sex. She was so tender and loving and caring. She fed her clients, bathed them (sexy bath but still, a bath) etc. etc.
The elderly parents of the man with cerebral palsy paid for Rachel's services for the man's birthday. The mother made up a double bed for her son, put rose petals on the floor and a box of chocolates on the bed. When the man's uncle called to wish him happy birthday, she told him about Rachel's visit. It was a happy occasion and an occasion that the whole family was happy about. Which makes you think... what life is this when your entire family is overjoyed that you get to have sex? It was incredibly sweet and touching and sad at the same time.
I'm pretty adamant on my attitudes towards sex work. It should be legalised. The end. Anyone who says otherwise are douche bags. The documentary just cemented this fact. Mostly, I say this because prostitution will always exist in society and it (most likely) always has. By legalising it, you can regulate the industry and protect the health and wellbeing of sex workers.
But after watching The Scarlet Road it occurred to me a second (glaring) point. There's nothing inherently wrong or immoral with sex work. It's people who abuse the industry that are wrong. If the industry is operated in the right way then its place in society is positive. It brings people joy. I thought there was something very noble about Rachel was doing. But then again, there was nothing noble about what she was doing. She wasn't giving up anything (she had a partner, a life, a means of living etc.) and she was getting paid to do it like any other job. And good money too.
J
I felt wrong about reacting this way because when you think about it, it seems so unfair that people should be born with physical disabilities but completely functional minds and, as such, are unable to live normal lives. And because there minds are completely functional, they are fully aware of what their lives are lacking. Fully aware of how unfair it is.
It was pretty touching how the woman, Rachel, was with her clients. The thing is, it wasn't just sex. She was so tender and loving and caring. She fed her clients, bathed them (sexy bath but still, a bath) etc. etc.
The elderly parents of the man with cerebral palsy paid for Rachel's services for the man's birthday. The mother made up a double bed for her son, put rose petals on the floor and a box of chocolates on the bed. When the man's uncle called to wish him happy birthday, she told him about Rachel's visit. It was a happy occasion and an occasion that the whole family was happy about. Which makes you think... what life is this when your entire family is overjoyed that you get to have sex? It was incredibly sweet and touching and sad at the same time.
I'm pretty adamant on my attitudes towards sex work. It should be legalised. The end. Anyone who says otherwise are douche bags. The documentary just cemented this fact. Mostly, I say this because prostitution will always exist in society and it (most likely) always has. By legalising it, you can regulate the industry and protect the health and wellbeing of sex workers.
But after watching The Scarlet Road it occurred to me a second (glaring) point. There's nothing inherently wrong or immoral with sex work. It's people who abuse the industry that are wrong. If the industry is operated in the right way then its place in society is positive. It brings people joy. I thought there was something very noble about Rachel was doing. But then again, there was nothing noble about what she was doing. She wasn't giving up anything (she had a partner, a life, a means of living etc.) and she was getting paid to do it like any other job. And good money too.
J
Ours
"Ours" music video came out today. Not gonna lie, just bawled my eyes out. It is so sweet. It's probably her best music video to date next to You Belong With Me which, let's be honest, will probably always be her best. You can watch it here: http://au.eonline.com/news/watch_now_taylor_swifts_ours_music/278022
At first I was like, "Oh gurl, that hair..." Then I got really bad flashbacks to last summer working at my mum's office (the depiction in the video is pretty much spot on right down to the fat guys and the photocopier that never worked).
I think it's probably the most realistic of her music videos too. Work sucks for the most part, day-to-day life is boring but the idea of someone out there who loves you and whom you love and who makes life tolerable against all the crap there is out there is really, really nice.
It's the least fairy-tale-ish of all her music videos and I think it shows maturity and progression. People always say that Taylor always puts out really cheesy, girly, highschooler songs and yeah, I can see why they say that. But at the same time, I think it's because that's who she is. She's one of those girls who thinks like that and why do you want to change who someone is because it doesn't fit with how you think a 21 year old should be behaving?
I'm a massive Tay fan and I really, really love all those cliched, kissing-in-the-rain songs but at the same time, I'm really happy to see her put something like this out and I can't wait to see what comes out next!
J
At first I was like, "Oh gurl, that hair..." Then I got really bad flashbacks to last summer working at my mum's office (the depiction in the video is pretty much spot on right down to the fat guys and the photocopier that never worked).
I think it's probably the most realistic of her music videos too. Work sucks for the most part, day-to-day life is boring but the idea of someone out there who loves you and whom you love and who makes life tolerable against all the crap there is out there is really, really nice.
It's the least fairy-tale-ish of all her music videos and I think it shows maturity and progression. People always say that Taylor always puts out really cheesy, girly, highschooler songs and yeah, I can see why they say that. But at the same time, I think it's because that's who she is. She's one of those girls who thinks like that and why do you want to change who someone is because it doesn't fit with how you think a 21 year old should be behaving?
I'm a massive Tay fan and I really, really love all those cliched, kissing-in-the-rain songs but at the same time, I'm really happy to see her put something like this out and I can't wait to see what comes out next!
J
Friday, December 2, 2011
Erik
There's a part of me, and I don't know how potent that part might be, that is lusting for Eric Bananovic or Eric Bana as the layman might say. It all started when I watched Hanna (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0993842/) last night with mi madre. I watched him turn from a scruffy Forestman into this just... stunning man. The figure he cut in a suit was phenomenal. It was possibly the most attractive man I have seen in a suit up to date. And you know how I feel about suits.
I refuse to watch The Time Traveller's Wife despite the fact I enjoyed the book because I know what happens and couldn't bear to see that happen to my latest crush. Maybe if they'd changed the ending so it was happy then I would watch it.
Hanna was a really interesting movie.
Also, he goes shirtless in Hanna a handful of times. I had to stop myself from squealing in front of my mother because friends, under that suit was quite a sight to behold. He kicked various asses in the movie too which I always enjoy.
J
I refuse to watch The Time Traveller's Wife despite the fact I enjoyed the book because I know what happens and couldn't bear to see that happen to my latest crush. Maybe if they'd changed the ending so it was happy then I would watch it.
Hanna was a really interesting movie.
Also, he goes shirtless in Hanna a handful of times. I had to stop myself from squealing in front of my mother because friends, under that suit was quite a sight to behold. He kicked various asses in the movie too which I always enjoy.
J
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Rogues and Rags
This guy is a devilishy handsome rogue: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1373034/
Youtubing the 1995 Pride & Prejudice serial. I've never realized how studly Colin Firth is...
J
Youtubing the 1995 Pride & Prejudice serial. I've never realized how studly Colin Firth is...
J
People Throw Rocks at Things that Shine
So pressed that Taylor's next single is going to be "Ours." I should have known given she sang it at the CMAs but I was sort of in denial. While the song is good and catchy, it's a bit too sickly sweet for me. If you've seen the preview for the music video, this just reinforces its sickly sweetness.
Not to mention that there are better songs off Speak Now than (barf) "Ours." "Superman" comes to mind. "Enchanted" is an obvious choice. Just something a bit more different with a little more attitude.
J
Not to mention that there are better songs off Speak Now than (barf) "Ours." "Superman" comes to mind. "Enchanted" is an obvious choice. Just something a bit more different with a little more attitude.
J
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