This Morning's Work

This is what I did this morning:

One of the 2 offending books. They needed to be taught a lesson. The price sticker pulled off some of the plastic covering the front picture. I was unimpressed.

I used big rolls of sticky tape to rip the rest of the plastic covering off after it had been bothering me for weeks. It was orgasmic.

The other offending book pre-tape application. It was not sensible to use such poor quality plastic to cover the picture on the cover at all. Not sensible at all.

This post is not in chronological order as blogger pics evades my naive mind.

J

Bob Brown

I find David Anders a very attractive man. You may know him as Uncle Jonathon, Elena's REAL father, in The Vampire Diaries. I more fondly know him as Julian Sark, SUPER EVIL SEXY SPY FROM ALIAS.

I am watching the very episode from whence this picture is taken:


It's the blonde thing. It gets me every time. I can't really articulate what it is about blondes that gets me. Next to Michael Vaughn/Michael Vartan, he is the most attractive person on Alias.

J

Roti Good

This is one of the tastiest things you will ever eat in your life: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roti_canai

They can be found in the frozen section of your local Oriental Superstore. Trust me, they are worth the couple of coins you will shell out for them. Cook them in a frying pan for a few minutes and you will be within seconds of pure food bliss!

I don't know if I've written this here before but a few months ago (starting around when uni started I guess) I became obsessed with sun protection. I get kind of lax in winter but during summer, I refuse to go outside without covering myself in layers (note the plural) of sunscreen. It is because I have a deep seeded fear of melanoma. I don't know why because I don't know anyone personally with melanoma but it's like this sneaky little sun of a gun that gets in you and does shit and then you get half your face cut off and you might die. Those fear campaigns on TV have really worked on me. I suppose I am their target audience; a hypochondriac.

After doing a report on dementia, specifically on early-onset dementia which effects people under 65 and is very rare, I immediately diagnosed myself with early-onset dementia. It was like I couldn't remember anything anymore! I diagnosed my mother with late-onset dementia. It was a hard time.

Last night, Little Mishelle, Big Michelle and I went to dinner except it was crap. I hate them both so much.

I also did something really spectacular this morning. I have photographic evidence and will post it here later but my camera ran out of power so I'm charging it now... You guys will just be in awe. Make sure not to be holding any hot drinks while you read/view it.

J

Never Wear Tampons, Please

This bitch on holidays:

1. Reads websites from front to back. This usually takes around three hours depending on how long the blog is. This was my favourite article from today: http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-me/it-happened-me-i-got-toxic-shock-syndrome

2. Loses her gall and fails to complete her goal from 2010 summer holidays; to hit on Alexandre BCC. He was working at IGA yesterday. I was going to buy a pack of foil tart cases. I didn't realize he was manning the counter until I was literally about to step up to the counter. When I saw who it is, I dissolved into a fit of giggles and ran off to a different counter.

3. Wastes all her bandwith on Taylor Swift videos.

4. If I wasn't on my healthy eating plan, I would be stuffing my face right now. Instead, I get to mentally struggle over whether I should eat a Tim Tam or not. I remember the first night of my healthy eating plan, I went to sleep hungry AND woke up hungry. And I was still eating all my main meals. That's how much I used to eat/snack.

That's all for now, folks.

J

Taylor Swift - "How to Save a Life"

This one's for Big Michelle.

J

Taylor Swift - "Sweet Escape"

Herren says I post these things too much and fawn over her too much. Idgaf, she is so incredible.

J

Maroon 5 - "Mine"

This is terribad but so good at the same time. I love Tay in this too, rocking out to this shit.

J

Taylor Swift - "Drops of Jupiter"

My flawless queen. She is killing it with these covers. Her voice is really improving. I hope she sings a cover at the concert next year. Usually, she does covers of artists from the area in which she is performing. Not really knowledgeable of any big musical artists that have come from Perth though...

J

I No Longer Believe in Fate...

... after watching He's Just Not That Into You last night.

Because the fact of the matter, half of love is opportunity and the other half is time. The fact is, the person you may marry or be married to for the rest of your life is likely not your soul mate. If you even have your soul mate, he's probably a telemarketer in India or a swashbuckling environmentalist in the Amazon that you will never meet.

The guy you meet and fall in love with isn't special. There are thousands of other guys out there just like him. It just so happens that you went to school with him or met him at some social gathering some time instead of meeting some other guy. Maybe if you'd stayed at the library for another 10 minutes you would have had a meet-cute with some other similar guy with infinitely better abdominal muscles.

The fact we usually meet someone in our social circles or at a place we frequent like uni or a cafe or a party or a friend's house is probably because of that tabula rasa crap. Society molds us into the same shitty people. If you go to the same uni, you probably grew up in the same city, you probably have similar values, you probably want the same shit out of life because you grew up in the same society. Maybe if Lars from Helsinki had grown up in Perth, Australia, HE would be your "soul mate."

The fact is, there is no such thing as soul mates. It's shit people make up to make shitty people like me feel better about themselves and let them think there is some romantic future for them. But I no longer give a shit because chances are I will meet someone in the next few years who PROBABLY wants the same shit I want and likes the same shit I like and laughs at the same jokes I laugh at because we grew up in the same way and were around people who were also conned and shaped into the same distortions of "individuality" as we were.

And when I meet him, I'm going to go, "I think I'm in love!" but in actuality, I'm probably not. But I'll be so blinded by years of watching A Cinderella Story that I'll just be enraptured by what he has to offer. But does he really have any more to offer to me personally than the next guy? Or is our "connection" simply a product of timing and desperation?

Is there such a thing as love or is there just affection and sex and loneliness?

J

Sunrise Viewer Prefers Today

This pretty much made my day. So many lols.

J

Crush The Skull

Most definitely worth the bandwith, friends. So you are not deterred by the screen shot or the title, this is a comedy short.

J

Of Vice and Men

In season three, during the Hearst Rapist arc, I was and am always disappointed by the fact that when Veronica realizes her drink's been spiked with a date rape drug, she goes out in the dark, alone into the carpark to go to her car. That is the singlemost dumbest move any girl (or guy) can do when they realize they've been given a date rape drug. Do I even have to spell out what's wrong with that?

IT'S LIKE INVITING THE RAPIST TO RAPE YOU.

Shit Veronica. I expected more from you.

J

Zac Efron - "Bet On It"

I feel this is the crowning moment of the entire High School Musical franchise. Nothing is more incredible, more stunning, more memorable than this.

J

Oh Look, It's Like a Little Kitchen Area

I regularly get angry at attractive people. And I know it's wrong because, like Kristen Bell once said about Jersey Shore, "It's like being angry at someone who's won the lotto." It's not their fault they were born attractive with a nice set of genes. Still, it would be nice if the attractiveness was spread around a little more evenly.

That's about all I wanted to say. Going shopping with momma tomorrow in the city. Hopefully we don't run into Little Mishelle and her mum/sister because that would just be weird. Given I hate her and everything.

Look at that slut, I hope she dies.

J

Matt Boner

Devastated to learn Matt Bomer of White Collar is gay... Just as I had started to become attracted to him too. His eyes, his hair, that jaw, that height, dat ass, dose shoulders. Mi querida. Sigh.

J

This is a Let Down

Bitches say I don't blog substantial posts anymore? Take this, bitches.

Today I saw Caitlyn for the first time in about a month. She looked spectacular. It was like love at first sight. There she was, romping around in her floral romper/playsuit like an angel fresh of the boat (not sure what that means...), just looking all thin and divine. I was so turned on. She just amazes me with her dedication; an hour of the elipitical 6/7 days a week.

On Wednesday morning, I had my last exam. It was pretty much a carbon copy of the 2010 exam (which I had practically a carbon copy of) so that was pretty sweet. I was discussing with Big Michelle how we pretty much went into holiday mode last week. Hence coming out of that exam wasn't as exhilirating and uplifting as it would have been had we been studying intensely up until the last minute. Still, holidays are always good. Except I am officially bored.

Desperately need new music to listen to.

J

Liz Huett - "Love Story"

I love Liz; Tay's backup singer. I think she has a great, really marketable voice and is a sweetheart. I hope she gets a solo career soon. Tay would be devastated because not only is she an A-grade backup singer but also one of Tay's best friends. But she's too gorgeous a person and singer to not be celebrated as a solo singer.

J

Beyoncé - "Sweet Dreams"

I hate that she always stops singing halfway through and lets the track sing for her and just starts dancing. Damnit woman. I want to hear you sing, not watch you frolic.

J

Beyoncé - "Love on Top"

If this is un-doctored then Beyonce is an amazing performer. I'm pretty sure it's un-doctored. I almost forgive Kanye for the bit at the end... Aw, bros!

J

Blardy Hurts

My left arm is killing me. It's like someone took the muscles in there and braided or twisted them and shoved in back in. It hurts so bad. I woke up in the middle of the night and writhed around in bed for an hour trying to get comfortable then went to the guest room because I was sure there was a murderer hiding in my closet but I was too scared to check...

I was hoping it would be fine when I woke up but it still blardy hurts.

In other news, awesome Merlin episode yesternight... Totally hot bath scene involving nekkid Arthur Pendragon/Bradley James. He has the broadest chest and shoulders I've seen in a long time. Very attractive.

Also, blardy hell to the person (you know who you are) who started saying blardy because I cannot blardy stop saying it now.

J

Selena Gomez - "Naturally"

I find this really sweet and romantic. Her voice, while not strong (or always on pitch...), has a really pure sound to it.

J

He Obviously Has Issues

My dad just donated $10 to Wikipedia. I lol'd. He's lecturing me now about how we free ride on Wikipedia and should give back to the site that gives so much to us.

J

I'm Shameless

I've probably eaten two thirds of what I usually eat today. Which is still probably more than most! It's actually kind of relaxing not having to think about my next meal...
I went into my exam this morning feeling hungry and slightly light headed. Many of you will tell me off for this but I knew it wouldn't change my performance. Once I got into the exam, I didn't pay any attention to it.

When's dinner?

J

Romantic Deductions

I have come to two conclusions regarding my romantic future based on my level of self-esteem and confidence:

1. I have to be with a really ugly person to make myself feel attractive in comparison.

2. I have to be with a really attractive person to make me feel I am attractive enough to attract such a person.

It's foolproof. Either way I win. I just can't be with an average looking guy.

J

Report on the First Day of Healthy Eating

How do I feel? Hurt, angry, a little confused (I have reason to believe that is a vertabin quote from Gilmore Girls). It's not that bad. Now I actually get a chance to look forward to meals.

Sigh, MGC exam tomorrow. So much shit to memorize, it's all shit too. You know how I feel about memorizing large piles of dung. Completely against it. It goes against my morals and everything I stand for.

I'm going to nap now and let the information I stuffed into my brain memorize. Is that like a metaphor or some shit? Instead of stuffing my stomach with food, I'm stuffing my brain with useless knowledge.

J

The Element of Surprise

To give you an idea of Craig Ferguson's brilliance, let me share with you something that happened during one of his Tweets & Emails sections. He did this with Kristen Bell which makes it even more spectacular. Those two are adorable and hilarious.

An email came in asking Craig if he made a new entry into the periodic table, what would he call it. Craig responded with, "I would called it 'surprise.'" He then looked at Kristen with that smug yet charming Scottish smile and she said, "What? Har har." And he said, "Because it'd be THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE."

It was just brilliant.

J

Ded

IT'S BEEN THREE HOURS SINCE I STARTED MY HEALTHY EATING PLAN AND I'M SO FUCKING HUNGRY.

J

Har Har, Healthy Eating Plan

Yesterday night, after seeing a photo of me looking like a downright heifer, I decided it was time to commit to a healthy eating plan. My lifestyle right now is so unhealthy. I eat whatever I want and I rarely exercise. I want a sustainable healthy lifestyle.

Instead of a "diet" persay, I have decided to just try and re-orientate my life towards healthier life choices. To try and choose the healthier option. To "just say no." To take the stairs when I get the chance. Maybe even get off a bus stop earlier and walk an extra 5-10 minutes home (Oh God). To give someone else the bigger piece of cake. To stop eating when I'm full. To not eat because I'm bored or sad.

Next time I'm bored or sad, I'm going to do silent meditation for five minutes instead.

I don't want to die from myocardial infarction at 65 years of age. Be still, my beating heart (not really, keep beating). I shall withstand the temptations the world doth offer!
J

Taylor Swift - "Forever & Always"

The first time I saw this (and every time since then) I thought to myself, "My God, she is an angel." She is seriously so beautiful here. This is also the best I have heard her sing Forever & Always live (interpret that whichever way you should wish). Normally I hate this song live because it is so goddamn pitchy. And it is in this version but I think in a mildly pleasing manner.

I still can't believe I'm going to see her next March. I am going to be motherfucking WONDERSTRUCK. Blushing all the way home.

J

Late Night TV

I'm at the science library doing last minute note-reading and revision for my exam at 2pm. I keep reflecting on what an asshole David Letterman compared to Craig Ferguson who is basically all that is good in the world of late night television. I mean, Conan's okay but that hair... I don't know, I know it's his signature but it's so distracting.

And yes, after sleeping on it, I still resolutely want to have Ferguson's children.

J

Scottish Vortex of Charm

I don't care that it was a joke. Craig Ferguson, take me now before you become infertile and I cannot have your beautiful, beautiful half-Asian, half-Scottish, all-perfect babies.

This video is NSFW unless you have headphones. But watch it. In fact, it is safe for work. Take from that what you will.

J

Craig Ferguson

Oh, Craig Ferguson, you beautiful Scottish bastard. He is honestly an amazing person, in my opinion. Follow the interview link I've posted below. Read it. He is so real, honest and quick witted. His love for his family is beautiful. The thing about his wife... His logic and way of thinking is close to flaw-free for me. I just read it and nodded and nodded.

http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/64330022.html#cutid1

J

SNS

Innocently wiki-ing the sympathetic nervous system (which promotes the fight-or-flight response) when I read that it promotes penis ejaculation. I lol'd so hard. Wouldn't ejaculating be counter-productive to the fight-or-flight response? You'd either be staggering around with your hard-on or have sticky pants and be unable to run properly. Goddamn, body.

J

Monkey Gone to Heaven

I've been getting into the Pixies. There's something both haunting and depressing yet carefree and exhilirating about their toons.

Take for example "Monkey Gone to Heaven." I mean, perfect juxtaposition of heaven and death and a monkey. There is nothing as lighthearted and carefree as a monkey. Monkeys just sit around, eating bananas or terrorizing tourists all day. A charmed life. Just exquisite.

J

Cornettttoo?

If cornettos be the food of study, EAT ON.

J

Study

I'm going to be honest. I don't think I've ever studied as hard as I have this week. Even with TEE, I was so chilled in the weeks coming up to and during exams because I had already studied so much before. In first semester exams, I was pretty chill as well. But this semester finals, I think I started a bit late or underestimated the copious amount of memorizing I have to do.

It's kinda great and kinda pathetic/sad/depressing at the same time.

J

Last Tute

I had my last tuition session with the year 12 girl I'm (was) tutoring in maths. It was kind of sad and bittersweet, to be honest. We hugged and I wished her best of luck and she said we should stay in touch.

I don't know why it's bittersweet but she was honestly a sweet girl who obviously worked really hard and was just finding herself overwhelmed by it all. I hope she does well.

J

To Summarise: Fuck This Shit

As I sit here, head heavy with fatigue, eyes drooping and stinging with the heinousosity of study, I wonder to myself what horrendous thing could have happened in my lecturers' lives to make them the way they are today. What terrible childhood trauma or loss of love could have made them this way.

I mean, who dedicates themselves to a life of academia? I cannot imagine a young 17 year old boy, let's call him Patwood, fresh out of John Forrest or whatever such high school he went to, picking his first preference, "BSc, MICROBIOLOGY," or something equally incorrigible.

How can he wake up each day with a smile or at least without hanging himself using his necktie, stained with the remnants of last night's lonely dinner?
J

People with Cabin Fever Talk About Mythbusters

So impressed with my brother. The other day in the car The Story of Us comes on on the radio and he starts singing with me.

Another day at home, studying. Ultimate cabin fever from this week awaits. I really enjoyed this episode of Mythbusters about cabin fever in which they locked those two grown-ass (but still children) men up in cabins in snowy woods with nothing but coat hangers and freeze dried spaghetti for a day or two. The results were extraordinary. As I recall, the walrus one (or it might have been the less-walrus like one) produced some sort of fabulous contraption out of the coat hangers. It had a turning handle and could do all sorts of shit. It was pretty outstanding.

J

This Morning

There's this sense of desperation that can overcome people where they forego all their usual pleasantries and revert to this natural, animalistic state. The most recent time I saw this was this morning when I tutored a girl in year 12. Her maths TEE exam is on Tuesday, poor thing.

The second she came in, I could see it in her eyes. She sat down, dragged her books out of her bag and just said, "I brought them all. Can I ask you something?" Her voice was determined, steely.

"Sure," I said.
"What were you averaging in year 12?"
I suppose I sort of skipped a beat and stalled because she tacked on a, "If you don't mind me asking."

I told her and she sighed.

"I'm so screwed. My PE teacher says my average will get me a TER of 60." I wanted to tell her PE teachers knew shit all but it would probably have insulted her given she was doing PE studies and all...

We spent the last 15 minutes talking about TEE. She was on the verge of tears and I just felt my heart pour out to her. Her mother and I kept trying to tell her that even if things didn't work out perfectly there are so many options now like bridging courses. And just because she didn't get the required TER didn't mean all chances of doing that course were out.

Sigh.

J

Words from a Wise Man

To paraphrase:

"If you're in love with two people, choose the second person. If you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second."

- Johnny Depp

J

I Will Say Anything to Procrastinate

I believe in fate. Or at least I do when shit is hitting the fan or, alternatively, I'm doing really well. But then I thought about how our whole world is hitting the fan. And came to the conclusion that FATE has dictated that the world is going to end within 150 years.

But then I thought, is our world really hitting the fan? Yes, we have mad dictators and murders and rapes and heinous people and looting etc. But then again, in the middle ages I'm pretty sure rapists existed. And rather than roofy-ing their victims they probably just bashed them over the head with a stick.

And I'm pretty sure people were looting in the 1500s. And I'm pretty sure people were murdering people in the 1600s, probably a lot more than nowadays. People probably murdered each other for taking their chickens.

And then I thought about the meaning of life. I came to the conclusion that life is meaningless. It is a transient, selfish state where we live for ourselves. No one is completely selfless. There's something nice about the animal kingdom where at least animals are outwardly selfish.

So what is life? Where is humanity going? Is 2012 the end of it? What's for dinner?

I need to study.

J

Drinking It Now

The number of Yeo's soy milk juice boxes that are consumed in this house per week is phenomenal.

I am also so disappointed that the last time I went to ALVA and saw the architecture models, I didn't pull a Zoolander joke. God, what is wrong with me?

On that note, I hope everything is going well for Little Mishelle. I myself got a hand crap a few minute ago so watched Hawaii 5.0 with my mum. I would hit the main guy.
J

Disdain

Models are;
Baubles, ornaments, decoration
Coat-hangers with flesh and bone.

Tombstones will read;
I contributed nothing to society
Love me.

They earn;
Millions
The fuck?

J