This is both the best and worst movie I've ever seen. However, I feel it is my duty to watch the rest of it (there are several hot guys who must be watched to their full capacity). I live for these movies. The teen angst, the romance, the sexual tension (oh God, the sexual tension), the many, many hot guys.
I have gasped and squealed out loud several times already. This is made even more embarrassing given that I am watching it on my computer in the communal study. I will update this post later with my final conclusions on this future classic.
Second last update. What the fuck is Bella Swan doing in here?
Final update. The ending was shit. I liked the rest.
J
About Me
- Junaberry
- I'm a student from Australia who used to have a lot of time on her hands but doesn't have that much anymore. Now she has other stuff on her hands.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Oatmeal Chocolate Chip
10 minutes into watching The Host. I have no regrets. Main guy is so hot. He reminds me of Wren from Pretty Little Liars. Wren is my life blood. This is my only criteria for watching movies. Must contain hot guy. I must now watch the rest of this movie.
I have not seen R in over two weeks. And we are not rostered on together for the next two weeks either (or as far as the eye can see). I am sad. I miss him. Or do I just miss the thrill of interacting with a crush? I didn't find him attractive at all for the first few weeks I knew him... then, all of a sudden, I wanted to hit it hard. Is it just because I feel a need to latch onto people and men/boys and have crushes otherwise I wither away and die? But then again, I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable with a man friend (whom I like in a romantic sense) before. Or any man friend (platonic or otherwise).
This week (or last week, I guess) was good regarding Friendquest 2013. I went to a quiz night on Tuesday. I felt like I really put myself out there for it. All throughout the ordeal of finding myself a table to join, I felt like people were judging me for being clingy and desperate and trying to invade people's friendship groups. But when I went there, it was cool and I had a good time.
On Friday, I went to a birthday breakfast for two girls in med, Chloe and another girl from her group, Em. It felt really good to be invited like I was being accepted. All those times I hung out with some of them or loitered around, I had this fear that I was pushing myself onto them. Being invited to the birthday breakfast kind of allayed that fear. When we were leaving, I said happy birthday and goodbye to Chloe. She got up and gave me a hug. It made me happy. Is that sad?
I'm probably going to bake cookies to bring to my tute on Tuesday morning to butter up more people and force them to be my friend. Oatmeal chocolate chip sound good?
J
I have not seen R in over two weeks. And we are not rostered on together for the next two weeks either (or as far as the eye can see). I am sad. I miss him. Or do I just miss the thrill of interacting with a crush? I didn't find him attractive at all for the first few weeks I knew him... then, all of a sudden, I wanted to hit it hard. Is it just because I feel a need to latch onto people and men/boys and have crushes otherwise I wither away and die? But then again, I don't think I've ever felt so comfortable with a man friend (whom I like in a romantic sense) before. Or any man friend (platonic or otherwise).
This week (or last week, I guess) was good regarding Friendquest 2013. I went to a quiz night on Tuesday. I felt like I really put myself out there for it. All throughout the ordeal of finding myself a table to join, I felt like people were judging me for being clingy and desperate and trying to invade people's friendship groups. But when I went there, it was cool and I had a good time.
On Friday, I went to a birthday breakfast for two girls in med, Chloe and another girl from her group, Em. It felt really good to be invited like I was being accepted. All those times I hung out with some of them or loitered around, I had this fear that I was pushing myself onto them. Being invited to the birthday breakfast kind of allayed that fear. When we were leaving, I said happy birthday and goodbye to Chloe. She got up and gave me a hug. It made me happy. Is that sad?
I'm probably going to bake cookies to bring to my tute on Tuesday morning to butter up more people and force them to be my friend. Oatmeal chocolate chip sound good?
J
My Dad is Actually Brilliant
Several years ago, when I got my first phone (this classic model: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nokia_3310), my dad put his number into it with the name ICE. I asked him why? He told me it stood for In Case of Emergency and to keep it like that.
For many years, I struggled to understand what the reasoning behind this was. Surely, even if it was an emergency situation and I was freaking out, I would be able to find him under the name "Dad" in my phonebook rather than ICE.
I have only just realized that ICE is not for me but in case other people find me whilst I am pinned to a tree or buried under a pile of rocks or knocked unconscious or having a seizure or am found strangled in bushland. So they can easily identify who to call In Case of Emergency and figure out who is next of kin and all that business.
Smart thinking. I like it.
J
For many years, I struggled to understand what the reasoning behind this was. Surely, even if it was an emergency situation and I was freaking out, I would be able to find him under the name "Dad" in my phonebook rather than ICE.
I have only just realized that ICE is not for me but in case other people find me whilst I am pinned to a tree or buried under a pile of rocks or knocked unconscious or having a seizure or am found strangled in bushland. So they can easily identify who to call In Case of Emergency and figure out who is next of kin and all that business.
Smart thinking. I like it.
J
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Justin Long
I'm in love with Justin long from this interview: http://www.vulture.com/2013/04/justin-long-romantic-comedies-a-case-of-you-interview.html
I find him so physically repulsive in many ways but he was fucking adorable in Going the Distance (that is a sincerely underrated romantic comedy. I got so many feels from it) and this interview is amazing. Oh, Justin.
J
I find him so physically repulsive in many ways but he was fucking adorable in Going the Distance (that is a sincerely underrated romantic comedy. I got so many feels from it) and this interview is amazing. Oh, Justin.
J
Thursday, April 25, 2013
That is the Question
Here is a question that has plagued me for most of my childhood and adult life. It is one that has kept my up on many occasions. One that has ignited a deep and spiritual questioning within me. One that, if not answered, I fear will result in an existential crisis of gargantuan proportions.
Here is it. Read at your own risk. It is like opening Pandora's Box.
Are corn flakes meant to be savoury or sweet?
There are so many arguments for and against. Frosted flakes, honey joys, salt content, sugar content, general cerealness, colour, ingredients. I feel so lost sometimes when I think about this question. I feel it must be answered before I die. Otherwise I will forever be in a state of unrest. A state of flux between knowing whether cornflakes are meant to savoury or sweet and not caring at all.
J
J
Tonight's Entertainment (The Girl on the Train)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1183672/
Technically, last night's entertainment but in keeping with the theme... This was interesting and not a rom com (shocking, I know).
As for a short summary... Girl meets boy. Stuff happens with boy (bad stuff. Not the main bad stuff but bad stuff nonetheless). Girl goes a little nuts. Pretends to suffer through an anti-Semitic attack (because she cray). Shit happens.
It had an air of mystery that was kind of sinister. The "introduction" or set-up was super long (about an hour) and I kept wondering when shit was going to go down. But there was enough allusion to something crazy about to happen that kept me watching (despite me getting very sleepy).
My favourite creepy moment was when Girl on the Train goes to her new boyfriend's house for the first time and his roommate is also there. It's jolly and then boyfriend locks the door and roommate says, "We share girlfriends too." Then boyfriend says, "Take off your clothes," all menacing like. They were joking (apparently) but it was still creepy as fuck.
Lovers of French film will enjoy this as it has a romantic, Taylor Swift Begin Again-esque appearance to it. But more realistic in that European film way (fast-talking, kind of rude characters and dirty public transport). Such cinematographic juxtaposition. Such etc. etc.
Based on a true story. I was reading some back story on this true story (occurred around 2003/2004 I think). For me, the most interesting thing I read was something the Israeli prime minister did at the time... Encourage French Jews to emigrate to Israel to avoid anti-Semitic behaviour.
GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM?
I rate this movie 3 stars.
J
Technically, last night's entertainment but in keeping with the theme... This was interesting and not a rom com (shocking, I know).
As for a short summary... Girl meets boy. Stuff happens with boy (bad stuff. Not the main bad stuff but bad stuff nonetheless). Girl goes a little nuts. Pretends to suffer through an anti-Semitic attack (because she cray). Shit happens.
It had an air of mystery that was kind of sinister. The "introduction" or set-up was super long (about an hour) and I kept wondering when shit was going to go down. But there was enough allusion to something crazy about to happen that kept me watching (despite me getting very sleepy).
My favourite creepy moment was when Girl on the Train goes to her new boyfriend's house for the first time and his roommate is also there. It's jolly and then boyfriend locks the door and roommate says, "We share girlfriends too." Then boyfriend says, "Take off your clothes," all menacing like. They were joking (apparently) but it was still creepy as fuck.
Lovers of French film will enjoy this as it has a romantic, Taylor Swift Begin Again-esque appearance to it. But more realistic in that European film way (fast-talking, kind of rude characters and dirty public transport). Such cinematographic juxtaposition. Such etc. etc.
Based on a true story. I was reading some back story on this true story (occurred around 2003/2004 I think). For me, the most interesting thing I read was something the Israeli prime minister did at the time... Encourage French Jews to emigrate to Israel to avoid anti-Semitic behaviour.
GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM?
I rate this movie 3 stars.
J
Monday, April 22, 2013
I Love Michelles
Dear Everyone,
I have decided whose celebrity style I should so obviously emulate. That person is Michelle Obama. Not only is she a smart, strong-willed person/woman/mother/wife, she is also super sexy and can do more push-ups than Ellen Degeneres. She and I also share the same broad shoulders but she always manages to not hide them but wear them proudly and in such a way that they go unnoticed. Rather, they become a part of who she is as an attractive and successful woman.
END SUPER CHEESY, REPETITIVE RANT ABOUT HOW GREAT MICHELLE OBAMA IS ETC. ETC. ETC.
Seriously, even I have heard that rant so many fucking times that it grates on my ears. It's made me borderline hate Michelle Obama. The poor thing never stood a chance. But I wasn't kidding about emulating her style (if only I was rich).
Today was a mixed bag. I spent the better part of the morning hiding my tears in science library. The afternoon was better and I started to feel normal again.
J
I have decided whose celebrity style I should so obviously emulate. That person is Michelle Obama. Not only is she a smart, strong-willed person/woman/mother/wife, she is also super sexy and can do more push-ups than Ellen Degeneres. She and I also share the same broad shoulders but she always manages to not hide them but wear them proudly and in such a way that they go unnoticed. Rather, they become a part of who she is as an attractive and successful woman.
END SUPER CHEESY, REPETITIVE RANT ABOUT HOW GREAT MICHELLE OBAMA IS ETC. ETC. ETC.
Seriously, even I have heard that rant so many fucking times that it grates on my ears. It's made me borderline hate Michelle Obama. The poor thing never stood a chance. But I wasn't kidding about emulating her style (if only I was rich).
Today was a mixed bag. I spent the better part of the morning hiding my tears in science library. The afternoon was better and I started to feel normal again.
J
Sunday, April 21, 2013
My Psychotic Side
I had work yesterday as per usual but R was not present. Nor will he be for the next few weeks (or as long as the roster extends).
Sometimes I question my feelings for R. I like him and am attracted to him but he's so... I didn't think I could ever be interested in this sort of person. He doesn't seem to have much direction or ambition in life. He's 23, presumably still lives at home, works a menial job in retail, his educations goes only so far as high school. I hope there's more to the story than that but I don't think there is. He's a complacent sort of guy and doesn't seem to want much out of life. All this saving money and working is for a six month stint in Japan. But what happens when he gets back? Is there a plan? Is he going back to uni? Is he going to actually work towards something at TAFE or continue doing random units? Is he going to try and get a better job (no offense to myself...)?
It's not like I'm planning my future life with him or anything (...) but ambition and a good work ethic is so attractive. And it's something R is so severely lacking.
J
Sometimes I question my feelings for R. I like him and am attracted to him but he's so... I didn't think I could ever be interested in this sort of person. He doesn't seem to have much direction or ambition in life. He's 23, presumably still lives at home, works a menial job in retail, his educations goes only so far as high school. I hope there's more to the story than that but I don't think there is. He's a complacent sort of guy and doesn't seem to want much out of life. All this saving money and working is for a six month stint in Japan. But what happens when he gets back? Is there a plan? Is he going back to uni? Is he going to actually work towards something at TAFE or continue doing random units? Is he going to try and get a better job (no offense to myself...)?
It's not like I'm planning my future life with him or anything (...) but ambition and a good work ethic is so attractive. And it's something R is so severely lacking.
J
Nightmare
Last night (this morning?), I had the most horrific dream. In this dream, I was straight up pregnant. Still in third year uni but straight up pregnant as hell. I wasn't showing yet but I sure as hell knew I was pregnant. I was too scared to go to the doctors and see how far along I was. Because that might mean that it was too late to terminate the pregnancy (is that bad to say? I know it's what I would do though).
It wasn't like I was scared of what my parents would say or how everyone would react but there was this overwhelming feeling of doom. Like my whole life could potentially be ruined by this baby, even though I would love it so much.
I woke up in a cold sweat (not really, but that's how you're meant to wake up from nightmares).
J
Saturday, April 20, 2013
La Vita Mia
Ugh.
I just started reading this fashion blog: http://www.lavitamia.ru/2011/09/rome-september-1956.html
I think I'm in love with this woman. I've never seen any woman so bodacious, gorgeous, put-together or stunning. She is everything I want to be. I want her waist, her hips, her hair, her smile, those eyes, dat ass. How does she even walk down the street without feeling like she is a God among mere mortals?
J
I just started reading this fashion blog: http://www.lavitamia.ru/2011/09/rome-september-1956.html
I think I'm in love with this woman. I've never seen any woman so bodacious, gorgeous, put-together or stunning. She is everything I want to be. I want her waist, her hips, her hair, her smile, those eyes, dat ass. How does she even walk down the street without feeling like she is a God among mere mortals?
J
Friday, April 19, 2013
Joanna Newsom - 7 Minutes in Heaven
She is adorable and so sweet:
I fully approve of her impending marriage to Andy Samberg. Hells yeah! Go forth and procreate, my friends. And if you don't feel like procreating, just be awesome in each other's presence.
J
I fully approve of her impending marriage to Andy Samberg. Hells yeah! Go forth and procreate, my friends. And if you don't feel like procreating, just be awesome in each other's presence.
J
What I Want To Be
Oh, mah Gawd. My face skin is so smooth today. I scrubbed that shit with St. Ives Apricot like it was going out of style. I want to rub my face on my own face just to feel how smooth it is.
I've decided what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be one of those outrageously sophisticated ladies. You know, the ones who look like they have all their clothes tailored for them, their hair is flawless, they walk in with such grace that everyone has to look twice, their makeup is so perfect that you can't tell they're wearing anything at all, they know exactly what to say even in the most awkward of situations, they have no insecurities or anxiety, when they laugh everyone around them smiles, everyone wants to be their friend or to be them.
That's who I want to be. I want to look like I just stepped out of a fashion magazine.
Okay, guys. Go. Make it happen.
J
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Tonight's Entertainment (Penelope)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472160/
This is an amazing movie. Straight up, 5 stars and I haven't even finished it yet. It's so poignant, heartbreaking, warm, cold, lukewarm. And everything in between.
It's a story about a girl with a snout due to a family curse. And her journey to find love, self-acceptance, all that jazz. It sounds super cheesy and ridiculous in writing but it's truly a great movie. It's heartwarming in that way that so many movies strive to be.
I can't really say much else about it. Except watch it. I think you'll really enjoy it. And if you're doubting me, just watch this clip (that may or may not contain spoilers) because it makes me jizz in my pants. That's how beautiful and heartbreakingly heartwarming it is:
J
This is an amazing movie. Straight up, 5 stars and I haven't even finished it yet. It's so poignant, heartbreaking, warm, cold, lukewarm. And everything in between.
It's a story about a girl with a snout due to a family curse. And her journey to find love, self-acceptance, all that jazz. It sounds super cheesy and ridiculous in writing but it's truly a great movie. It's heartwarming in that way that so many movies strive to be.
I can't really say much else about it. Except watch it. I think you'll really enjoy it. And if you're doubting me, just watch this clip (that may or may not contain spoilers) because it makes me jizz in my pants. That's how beautiful and heartbreakingly heartwarming it is:
J
Florence + The Machine - "Lover To Lover"
This song is sah good:
I wish I lived in the movies so I could undergo a makeover. I'm so sick of looking like a schlub. Everything I wear makes me look cheap (mostly because it actually is cheap). I'm so tired of my hair. It's like a mop on my head, has no shape, no volume, no life.
But seriously, what can I do to my hair? I'm considering keeping it long and just getting a side-swept fringe cut in but generally, my hair doesn't take to fringes well. It gets greasy really quickly and looks malformed. My ideal hair cut is Emma Stone's like this:
I wish I lived in the movies so I could undergo a makeover. I'm so sick of looking like a schlub. Everything I wear makes me look cheap (mostly because it actually is cheap). I'm so tired of my hair. It's like a mop on my head, has no shape, no volume, no life.
But seriously, what can I do to my hair? I'm considering keeping it long and just getting a side-swept fringe cut in but generally, my hair doesn't take to fringes well. It gets greasy really quickly and looks malformed. My ideal hair cut is Emma Stone's like this:
Unfortunately, she and I are pretty much the opposite. She has finer, Caucasian hair. I have wiry, thick hair. She also probably uses fancy hair products. I do not (use any except for conditioner and shampoo). But other than that, I love her hair like that. That's my ideal. Shorter than what I have now and a beauteous side-swept fringe cut in.
Or maybe it's just because I like Emma Stone. And she well and truly looks amazingly beautiful in that picture (obviously why I chose it). That makeup is flawless.
Speaking of making over myself and crap, can I start using makeup yet, mum? I want to because I think it's fun (not gonna lie, I occasionally put on makeup when I'm staying at home all day), a little goes a long way and can make someone look really cute. I don't want to because it'd be more money to spend, I'm bad at it, my oily skin means it always smudges everywhere and I feel everyone would judge me. Maybe that's just my social anxiety kicking in (is it okay if I diagnose myself with social anxiety? I was reading the criteria on a uni reading the other day and I meet all the criteria) but I feel like, because I never wear it, everyone would make a comment about it. And then I'd just feel like a joke.
I feel like everyone would be thinking, "Oh, my God. Who does she think she is? Who is she trying to impress?"
I remember one night, I was going to a party so I put on some mascara. That's all. Just mascara. I came out of my room and my brother said to me, "Holy shit, how much eyeliner did you put on?" Seriously? Seriously? That's how I feel everyone would react. Even if they didn't say anything, I would notice them looking again and again to check whether I've been punched in the eye or am just using eye makeup.
That's the end of this rant.
I'm thinking of buying clear mascara so, even if it does smudge everywhere, no one will be able to tell. Is that still a thing, clear mascara? Where can I buy it?
J
PVC
Doctor's appointment at 9am. Woke up at 8.37. Holy shit, never have I gotten ready so fast.
Threw myself out of bed. Pissed as fast as my urethral sphincters could handle. Brushed my teeth with a vigour never before seen. Washed face, got dressed then ran out the door. Walk/ran to the clinic.
Got there seven minutes early like a freaking boss.
The verdict? Post-viral cough. The treatment? Anything containing codeine. Shit, that's exactly what Meg told me yesterday. Why did I even go to the doctor's?
J
Threw myself out of bed. Pissed as fast as my urethral sphincters could handle. Brushed my teeth with a vigour never before seen. Washed face, got dressed then ran out the door. Walk/ran to the clinic.
Got there seven minutes early like a freaking boss.
The verdict? Post-viral cough. The treatment? Anything containing codeine. Shit, that's exactly what Meg told me yesterday. Why did I even go to the doctor's?
J
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Prosh It
Did Prosh yesterday/this morning. No sleep for just over 30 hours. Not quite my record of 36 hours (flying from Thailand to Singapore to home compounded by my inability to sleep on planes/in public places) but a close one. Additionally, there was physical movement involved so I think that 30 hours is more like 40 hours.
I think my favourite part of the night/day was probably lying on the swing seat at Laura's house, coughing up my lungs, and talking to Laura, Luke and Travis (while Meg was passed out on the couch inside...). I like talking to those guys and I like the talking thing. I like when it's peaceful and nighttime and you can actually hear each other properly.
Later, when we were at the "rave," I asked Laura if she liked clubbing. She said she hates it. I asked her why she goes so much then... She said to hang out with her friends. Which I don't understand. I feel hanging out with friends is so much better when you can sit down, chill for hours, have a small dance party in your private kitchen and have easy access to food/bevvies (that are not being charged for exorbitant prices).
Spending this morning tagging along with a bunch of random, drunk engineering students (honestly, I don't even know their names or how anyone knew them or what was going on. I kind of just wandered after Laura in a daze) and trying to sell Proshes to randoms at the bus station, I keep thinking... I overthink everything way too much. Dressed up with a stupid rainbow afro on my head and a face full of paint, I felt a total lack of inhibition as I tried to pawn off my Proshes to anyone who had the nerve to walk past me. I high-fived randoms (oh God, germs) and talked so much shit without caring what people thought of me. Why can't I live my entire life like this?
It sucks. I need to wear a clown costume every day of the week.
J
I think my favourite part of the night/day was probably lying on the swing seat at Laura's house, coughing up my lungs, and talking to Laura, Luke and Travis (while Meg was passed out on the couch inside...). I like talking to those guys and I like the talking thing. I like when it's peaceful and nighttime and you can actually hear each other properly.
Later, when we were at the "rave," I asked Laura if she liked clubbing. She said she hates it. I asked her why she goes so much then... She said to hang out with her friends. Which I don't understand. I feel hanging out with friends is so much better when you can sit down, chill for hours, have a small dance party in your private kitchen and have easy access to food/bevvies (that are not being charged for exorbitant prices).
Spending this morning tagging along with a bunch of random, drunk engineering students (honestly, I don't even know their names or how anyone knew them or what was going on. I kind of just wandered after Laura in a daze) and trying to sell Proshes to randoms at the bus station, I keep thinking... I overthink everything way too much. Dressed up with a stupid rainbow afro on my head and a face full of paint, I felt a total lack of inhibition as I tried to pawn off my Proshes to anyone who had the nerve to walk past me. I high-fived randoms (oh God, germs) and talked so much shit without caring what people thought of me. Why can't I live my entire life like this?
It sucks. I need to wear a clown costume every day of the week.
J
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Aaron Eckhart
Calling it now. I am in love with Aaron Eckhart. I love him in Possession, I love him in No Reservations, I love him with half his face eaten off with fiar in The Dark Knight, I love his black-hole of a butt chin.
How can I put this delicately? I want to put his penis in my vagina. I feel so dirty for saying that. I continue to live with no regrets.
In other news, I'm pretty sure this is the worst cough I've ever had in my entire life. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm coughing non-stop. It's chesty and bovine in nature. It started off dry but there is officially sputum being produced now. My head hurts and my chest is starting to really hurt from coughing so much. I've had numerous people ask me if I'm alright (people outside my immediate family) as it appears that I am literally dying from this cough. I sound like death. I feel like death.
J
How can I put this delicately? I want to put his penis in my vagina. I feel so dirty for saying that. I continue to live with no regrets.
In other news, I'm pretty sure this is the worst cough I've ever had in my entire life. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm coughing non-stop. It's chesty and bovine in nature. It started off dry but there is officially sputum being produced now. My head hurts and my chest is starting to really hurt from coughing so much. I've had numerous people ask me if I'm alright (people outside my immediate family) as it appears that I am literally dying from this cough. I sound like death. I feel like death.
J
Jessie J - "Domino"
Slowly developing a lady crush on Jessie J:
She really is very good at the singing.
J
She really is very good at the singing.
J
A Triumph of the Human Spirit
Guess how many hours I worked yesterday/yesterday night/this morning? 13.15. That's 13 hours, 15 minutes.
IS THAT SHIT EVEN LEGAL?
I worked from 12.30pm yesterday afternoon to 1.45am this morning. Counting. Just counting. Do you know how many pens Officeworks has? Or the folders? The folders are what really killed me. Aisle five, just endless stacks of folders. Not the chunky binder type folders that are easy to count. I mean the flimsy little slimpick wallets and the plastic presentation folders where even a small stack is like 100. Try being faced with a WHOLE ROW OF HUGE STACKS.
That being said, the fact that we were able to count pretty much everything is amazing. When I left, they were still working. I was one of the last of the "junior/casual/part-time" staff to leave because I'm obviously a boss. Z left because she doesn't drive and said her mum was coming to pick her up at 10pm. I said I'd give her a lift home. She told me to be quiet.
R and his boob buddy, K, left about 1am because they both had to work again at 8am THAT SAME MORNING.
So, why was this experience a triumph of the human spirit? First of all, I didn't think I could work 13.15 hours straight (except for a half hour break) but I did. Second of all, I didn't think I'd be able to spend so much time counting (said in Little Mishelle voice) but I did. Third of all, I clearly thrust myself so much into completing the task that I was literally rolling around on the floor, fishing crap out from underneath the shelves and in between the shelves. I was sitting on the filthy, disgusting, public floor ground because I was so tired of bending over (ruh roh) and counting packets of sharpeners. I lost every last shred of human dignity (but gained human spirit in the process, faced with this massive adversity) and handed it over to Officeworks.
Back to R. Obviously. I think a few noteworthy occurrences occurred that are worthy of note.
Firstly, I was walking through the middle of the store, back from the toilet. It was around 12am at this point and I was kind of looking for him because I really needed a pick me up. He is like my coffee/drug. He heard me walking and turned around. I had already turned into another direction to go to my aisle... and then I looked back. He smiled and waved a peace sign.
Later, I was counting files in aisle five with another guy (Short, Slightly Grumpy Guy that I may or may not have thought was cute earlier but dismissed due to height discrepancies... and then found out he was kind of grumpy and unpleasant. But after last night, have since found out that he's super cool). We had so much left to count and R and K were done. So they come into aisle five to help us. I'm sitting on the ground (classy) with my back to them when they come in. I feel a pat on my back/shoulder and here a, "Sup bro." I turn around and R is kind of crouching/bending down near me. With his hand on my back. We are in close proximity. If I wasn't wearing a shirt, there would be skin-to-skin contact.
Note to self: must not wear shirt to next stocktake.
That's pretty much it. He sets fire to my rain, guys. Just seeing him makes me feel happy. That peace sign thing earlier? It made me smile for like 10 minutes straight. I probably wouldn't have been able to survive stocktake without the knowledge that he was in the same building.
I need to bitch slap myself.
J
IS THAT SHIT EVEN LEGAL?
I worked from 12.30pm yesterday afternoon to 1.45am this morning. Counting. Just counting. Do you know how many pens Officeworks has? Or the folders? The folders are what really killed me. Aisle five, just endless stacks of folders. Not the chunky binder type folders that are easy to count. I mean the flimsy little slimpick wallets and the plastic presentation folders where even a small stack is like 100. Try being faced with a WHOLE ROW OF HUGE STACKS.
That being said, the fact that we were able to count pretty much everything is amazing. When I left, they were still working. I was one of the last of the "junior/casual/part-time" staff to leave because I'm obviously a boss. Z left because she doesn't drive and said her mum was coming to pick her up at 10pm. I said I'd give her a lift home. She told me to be quiet.
R and his boob buddy, K, left about 1am because they both had to work again at 8am THAT SAME MORNING.
So, why was this experience a triumph of the human spirit? First of all, I didn't think I could work 13.15 hours straight (except for a half hour break) but I did. Second of all, I didn't think I'd be able to spend so much time counting (said in Little Mishelle voice) but I did. Third of all, I clearly thrust myself so much into completing the task that I was literally rolling around on the floor, fishing crap out from underneath the shelves and in between the shelves. I was sitting on the filthy, disgusting, public floor ground because I was so tired of bending over (ruh roh) and counting packets of sharpeners. I lost every last shred of human dignity (but gained human spirit in the process, faced with this massive adversity) and handed it over to Officeworks.
Back to R. Obviously. I think a few noteworthy occurrences occurred that are worthy of note.
Firstly, I was walking through the middle of the store, back from the toilet. It was around 12am at this point and I was kind of looking for him because I really needed a pick me up. He is like my coffee/drug. He heard me walking and turned around. I had already turned into another direction to go to my aisle... and then I looked back. He smiled and waved a peace sign.
Later, I was counting files in aisle five with another guy (Short, Slightly Grumpy Guy that I may or may not have thought was cute earlier but dismissed due to height discrepancies... and then found out he was kind of grumpy and unpleasant. But after last night, have since found out that he's super cool). We had so much left to count and R and K were done. So they come into aisle five to help us. I'm sitting on the ground (classy) with my back to them when they come in. I feel a pat on my back/shoulder and here a, "Sup bro." I turn around and R is kind of crouching/bending down near me. With his hand on my back. We are in close proximity. If I wasn't wearing a shirt, there would be skin-to-skin contact.
Note to self: must not wear shirt to next stocktake.
That's pretty much it. He sets fire to my rain, guys. Just seeing him makes me feel happy. That peace sign thing earlier? It made me smile for like 10 minutes straight. I probably wouldn't have been able to survive stocktake without the knowledge that he was in the same building.
I need to bitch slap myself.
J
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Loose and Free Yoghurt
I had a pear Chobani with chopped almonds and cornflakes (haters to da left) this morning for breakfast. It was so delicious. I hate pears. This yoghurt tasted almost exactly like pears. It contained pears. It was still delicious. I demand that all future consumption of pears comes in yoghurt form.
This was after a sick 26.12 minute run in which I finally conquered a couple of hills. I have a fear of running up hills because I'm convinced that I'll be too tired after the hill to continue running and therefore my whole run will be ruined. I was very tired after the hill but then I pretended I was trying to keep up with some HG who was running with me. This gave me the energy to continue.
Around five minutes from home, I started getting a stitch. Like, "I think my caecum is trying to eat my appendix," kind of stitch. I said to myself, "Self, if you don't dominate this stitch then you can't call yourself... someone who dominates stitches." So I started sprinting home. The stitch got a lot worse. To relieve myself, I started rolling around on the wet grass as soon as I got home. The stitch went away. New cure for stitches. You're welcome.
I went on a new route because the other route was giving me Running Constipation. This is when running is like Being Constipated. Obviously, running should be loose and free. Thankfully, today's run was very loose and free.
I'm going to stocktake at work in a couple of hours. At stocktake, I will be spending close to 10 hours in the vicinity of R. Should I bring a condom just in case?
Some thoughts for you to ponder.
Over & out.
J
Friday, April 12, 2013
Leeroy Jenkins
This is giving me the feels:
In addition to being funny, it's giving me PTSD flashbacks to my World of Warcraft days (and I don't think I have shame about that anymore?). I used to get so scared when I played. In fact, whenever I play any computer game, back then and now, I get way too scared and basically want to stop playing. Because I think I'm going to die.
Hilary Duff once told me (personally), "Don't let the fear of striking out... stop you from playing the game."
Fortunately, I did not let the fear of striking out in WoW stop me from playing the game. Instead, I had this super dope thing I did where, whenever I was faced with an imminent threat that I didn't think I could get out of, I would teleport away. Every player in the game has this stone thing (I forget the name... I think it may be hearth stone) where you can teleport back to your hometown or whatever. Once you use this, you have to wait an hour to use it again.
But I, being a super cool druid (which, by the way, meant that I could change into a cheetah, bear, panther and moonkin... Obviously, now you have to look up what a moonkin is because it's obviously a dope thing because I could become one), had this special ability to be able to teleport to the Super Special Druid Land on command. It took a while for the spell to work though so you had to stand, vulnerable, for several seconds.
I used to do this whenever I saw anyone scary from the enemy faction (THE HORDE. Okay, starting to feel the shame) approaching me. Except I would first root them to the ground with my other super awesome spell that... rooted them to the ground. Then I would spell myself away and would be fine.
I feel this was my most ingenious plan ever because I also like to imagine how pissed off that other person would be at me just running away whenever anyone got close to me.
My other ingenious plan in the grand scheme of WoW is this. In my super dope panther form, I could turn invisible. If someone else was a much higher level than me, they could kind of make out my form (like a ghost). So, if anyone scary approached me, I would turn into my invisible panther then sit in a bush, hoping the leaves would disguise me.
THIS IS BASICALLY HOW I LIVE MY LIFE NOW. I turn invisible then hide. And sometimes I wish I could teleport away.
In conclusion, this is maybe the nerdiest and most shameful of all my blog posts in the history of my blog(s).
You're welcome.
J
In addition to being funny, it's giving me PTSD flashbacks to my World of Warcraft days (and I don't think I have shame about that anymore?). I used to get so scared when I played. In fact, whenever I play any computer game, back then and now, I get way too scared and basically want to stop playing. Because I think I'm going to die.
Hilary Duff once told me (personally), "Don't let the fear of striking out... stop you from playing the game."
Fortunately, I did not let the fear of striking out in WoW stop me from playing the game. Instead, I had this super dope thing I did where, whenever I was faced with an imminent threat that I didn't think I could get out of, I would teleport away. Every player in the game has this stone thing (I forget the name... I think it may be hearth stone) where you can teleport back to your hometown or whatever. Once you use this, you have to wait an hour to use it again.
But I, being a super cool druid (which, by the way, meant that I could change into a cheetah, bear, panther and moonkin... Obviously, now you have to look up what a moonkin is because it's obviously a dope thing because I could become one), had this special ability to be able to teleport to the Super Special Druid Land on command. It took a while for the spell to work though so you had to stand, vulnerable, for several seconds.
I used to do this whenever I saw anyone scary from the enemy faction (THE HORDE. Okay, starting to feel the shame) approaching me. Except I would first root them to the ground with my other super awesome spell that... rooted them to the ground. Then I would spell myself away and would be fine.
I feel this was my most ingenious plan ever because I also like to imagine how pissed off that other person would be at me just running away whenever anyone got close to me.
My other ingenious plan in the grand scheme of WoW is this. In my super dope panther form, I could turn invisible. If someone else was a much higher level than me, they could kind of make out my form (like a ghost). So, if anyone scary approached me, I would turn into my invisible panther then sit in a bush, hoping the leaves would disguise me.
THIS IS BASICALLY HOW I LIVE MY LIFE NOW. I turn invisible then hide. And sometimes I wish I could teleport away.
In conclusion, this is maybe the nerdiest and most shameful of all my blog posts in the history of my blog(s).
You're welcome.
J
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
I Watched, I Let It Burn
I just had the best day at work. I stood around and talked nonsense with the POS girls and then, during my break, I walked in and found R indulging in a Hungry Jacks sundae. We talked for yonkers and it was so comfortable and amazing.
We talked about medicine, his trip to Japan, his niece (my ovaries were busting. He's so enamoured by his niece), all this great stuff. He's so wonderful. For most of the time, it was just him and I in there and it didn't really feel awkward at any point. We did talk about how he used to work at Dominos in Northbridge with this Russian backpacker girl that he thought was hot and tried to put the moves on... And then he winked seedily at me. In a jokey way because I said, "So, did you try to hit on her?" or something like that. And he winked. Winked. He winked. Wink wink winked.
There was a point near the start of my break where he was coming out of the side office while I sat on the couch. He kind of stopped mid-step when he saw me and my heart leaped out of my chest.
"This is it. This is it," I thought to myself because, while trying to April Fools you guys, I managed to April Fools myself into thinking it would happen this week (as I do to myself every week).
But no, he didn't say to me, "I want you so bad." Instead he said, "Do you dance?"
"Do I dance?" I said, this huge smile I reserve primarily for R (and a select few others) creeping onto my face. "Um, sometimes. Why?"
"Because I'm getting K to teach me to dance. He's like the top in the state for something or other," he said. I started laughing and then we talked about dancing for a while.
I couldn't stop smiling. I sat on the couch and he sat on this chair in front of me. Facing me. Just a few meters apart. I was leaning forwards. He was leaning forwards. I don't know why but, whenever I have these one-on-one discussions with him, it always feel so freaking intimate and amazing. Or maybe I'm imagining things. But I love it. I love talking to him. I love seeing him smile. I love that he starts conversation with these random things.
In the words of Icona Pop, "I DON'T CARE. I LOVE IT."
J
We talked about medicine, his trip to Japan, his niece (my ovaries were busting. He's so enamoured by his niece), all this great stuff. He's so wonderful. For most of the time, it was just him and I in there and it didn't really feel awkward at any point. We did talk about how he used to work at Dominos in Northbridge with this Russian backpacker girl that he thought was hot and tried to put the moves on... And then he winked seedily at me. In a jokey way because I said, "So, did you try to hit on her?" or something like that. And he winked. Winked. He winked. Wink wink winked.
There was a point near the start of my break where he was coming out of the side office while I sat on the couch. He kind of stopped mid-step when he saw me and my heart leaped out of my chest.
"This is it. This is it," I thought to myself because, while trying to April Fools you guys, I managed to April Fools myself into thinking it would happen this week (as I do to myself every week).
But no, he didn't say to me, "I want you so bad." Instead he said, "Do you dance?"
"Do I dance?" I said, this huge smile I reserve primarily for R (and a select few others) creeping onto my face. "Um, sometimes. Why?"
"Because I'm getting K to teach me to dance. He's like the top in the state for something or other," he said. I started laughing and then we talked about dancing for a while.
I couldn't stop smiling. I sat on the couch and he sat on this chair in front of me. Facing me. Just a few meters apart. I was leaning forwards. He was leaning forwards. I don't know why but, whenever I have these one-on-one discussions with him, it always feel so freaking intimate and amazing. Or maybe I'm imagining things. But I love it. I love talking to him. I love seeing him smile. I love that he starts conversation with these random things.
In the words of Icona Pop, "I DON'T CARE. I LOVE IT."
J
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
21.09
I just wanted to say that I ran for 21.09 minutes straight this morning. This is not impressive for many but that is the longest I've ever run without stopping in my entire life. Before today, the longest I'd ever run was eight minutes. And that was Thursday.
I didn't believe it was possible.
J
I didn't believe it was possible.
J
This Shit Is Bananas
This is fucking insane.
I got a call this morning from work that they wanted me to work this afternoon because one of the girls called in sick. I agreed because it's a public holiday which means I get like a billion dollars per hour. As you know, I'm of the cheap variety so this monetary incentive appealed to me greatly.
I went into work at 12pm. It was all cool. I ended up seeing J-Dawg (which is this hip name I made for one of the tech girls who is so insanely quiet most of the time) who I rarely see because I only ever work one day a week.
EXCEPT FOR TODAY. I feel like God just got out his Junaberry Chess Board of Life and decided to yank out some jank as hell move for fun.
The day is going smoothly. There's no R to distract/arouse me. But that's okay; I said it's probably good for me to take a break from him before. It was pretty chill because no one really needs stationery after February.
I get a 15 minute break around 3pm and go to get my phone from my bag (plus muesli bar because I live for that shit). I take my bag out... Underneath...
Holy fuck. I think I had this fantasy about 500 times in my head. I was living a dream inside my head. It went something like this:
The girl goes to her locker. It's mid-afternoon. She has been staring across the shop at R for several hours. To the point that her heart hurts, her head hurts and she's accidentally ignored seven customers.
She opens her locker, fingers hungrily searching for the food she knows she has stored in her bag...
Hold on. Slid into the corner of the locker... a white envelope. She takes it out. Her name written on the front. Her breath catches in her throat. She puts the envelope in her bag and brings it with her to the bathroom.
She needs privacy. Doesn't know if she'll laugh, scream or cry. The heart palpitations are getting worse. Is she having a panic attack? She doesn't know.
There, safely locked in a cubicle, away from prying eyes, away from a cold and cruel world, she opens the envelope.
"Hey," it says. "I just met you and this is crazy. But here's my number (0000 000 000) so call me maybe. R."
Holy fuck.
Holy fuck, guys. Holy fuck.
It fucking happened. A lot like the above fantasy except it wasn't an envelope; it was a bit of paper. And it wasn't lyrics from one of my favourite songs of all time.
It said:
I like you. Let's talk. R.
My heart fucking stopped. It's still not beating. I've been smiling for so many hours that my cheeks hurt. Thank God he wasn't working today because I don't know if I could have handled that. I don't know what I would have done.
At least now I have time to make up a new fantasy in my head that involves me sidling up to him at some point and saying something super slick and sexy.
I think this is the best day of my life thus far.
WHAT DO I SAY TO HIM WHEN I SEE HIM NEXT?
(Scroll down)
J
I got a call this morning from work that they wanted me to work this afternoon because one of the girls called in sick. I agreed because it's a public holiday which means I get like a billion dollars per hour. As you know, I'm of the cheap variety so this monetary incentive appealed to me greatly.
I went into work at 12pm. It was all cool. I ended up seeing J-Dawg (which is this hip name I made for one of the tech girls who is so insanely quiet most of the time) who I rarely see because I only ever work one day a week.
EXCEPT FOR TODAY. I feel like God just got out his Junaberry Chess Board of Life and decided to yank out some jank as hell move for fun.
The day is going smoothly. There's no R to distract/arouse me. But that's okay; I said it's probably good for me to take a break from him before. It was pretty chill because no one really needs stationery after February.
I get a 15 minute break around 3pm and go to get my phone from my bag (plus muesli bar because I live for that shit). I take my bag out... Underneath...
Holy fuck. I think I had this fantasy about 500 times in my head. I was living a dream inside my head. It went something like this:
The girl goes to her locker. It's mid-afternoon. She has been staring across the shop at R for several hours. To the point that her heart hurts, her head hurts and she's accidentally ignored seven customers.
She opens her locker, fingers hungrily searching for the food she knows she has stored in her bag...
Hold on. Slid into the corner of the locker... a white envelope. She takes it out. Her name written on the front. Her breath catches in her throat. She puts the envelope in her bag and brings it with her to the bathroom.
She needs privacy. Doesn't know if she'll laugh, scream or cry. The heart palpitations are getting worse. Is she having a panic attack? She doesn't know.
There, safely locked in a cubicle, away from prying eyes, away from a cold and cruel world, she opens the envelope.
"Hey," it says. "I just met you and this is crazy. But here's my number (0000 000 000) so call me maybe. R."
Holy fuck.
Holy fuck, guys. Holy fuck.
It fucking happened. A lot like the above fantasy except it wasn't an envelope; it was a bit of paper. And it wasn't lyrics from one of my favourite songs of all time.
It said:
I like you. Let's talk. R.
My heart fucking stopped. It's still not beating. I've been smiling for so many hours that my cheeks hurt. Thank God he wasn't working today because I don't know if I could have handled that. I don't know what I would have done.
At least now I have time to make up a new fantasy in my head that involves me sidling up to him at some point and saying something super slick and sexy.
I think this is the best day of my life thus far.
WHAT DO I SAY TO HIM WHEN I SEE HIM NEXT?
(Scroll down)
J
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