Florence + The Machine - "Lover To Lover"

This song is sah good:



I wish I lived in the movies so I could undergo a makeover. I'm so sick of looking like a schlub. Everything I wear makes me look cheap (mostly because it actually is cheap). I'm so tired of my hair. It's like a mop on my head, has no shape, no volume, no life.

But seriously, what can I do to my hair? I'm considering keeping it long and just getting a side-swept fringe cut in but generally, my hair doesn't take to fringes well. It gets greasy really quickly and looks malformed. My ideal hair cut is Emma Stone's like this:

Unfortunately, she and I are pretty much the opposite. She has finer, Caucasian hair. I have wiry, thick hair. She also probably uses fancy hair products. I do not (use any except for conditioner and shampoo). But other than that, I love her hair like that. That's my ideal. Shorter than what I have now and a beauteous side-swept fringe cut in.

Or maybe it's just because I like Emma Stone. And she well and truly looks amazingly beautiful in that picture (obviously why I chose it). That makeup is flawless. 

Speaking of making over myself and crap, can I start using makeup yet, mum? I want to because I think it's fun (not gonna lie, I occasionally put on makeup when I'm staying at home all day), a little goes a long way and can make someone look really cute. I don't want to because it'd be more money to spend, I'm bad at it, my oily skin means it always smudges everywhere and I feel everyone would judge me. Maybe that's just my social anxiety kicking in (is it okay if I diagnose myself with social anxiety? I was reading the criteria on a uni reading the other day and I meet all the criteria) but I feel like, because I never wear it, everyone would make a comment about it. And then I'd just feel like a joke.

I feel like everyone would be thinking, "Oh, my God. Who does she think she is? Who is she trying to impress?" 

I remember one night, I was going to a party so I put on some mascara. That's all. Just mascara. I came out of my room and my brother said to me, "Holy shit, how much eyeliner did you put on?" Seriously? Seriously? That's how I feel everyone would react. Even if they didn't say anything, I would notice them looking again and again to check whether I've been punched in the eye or am just using eye makeup.

That's the end of this rant. 

I'm thinking of buying clear mascara so, even if it does smudge everywhere, no one will be able to tell. Is that still a thing, clear mascara? Where can I buy it? 

J