It's All Gone

All of my limited edition Cadbury Oreo chocolate. It's all gone. A whole bar. I bought it approximately one month ago and it's all gone. And I only ate three squares of it. Three little squares. My fucking family.

I'm so irrationally mad right now. They don't even like Oreos that much. Why, why, why? I was saving it, savouring every little morsel of Cadbury Oreo goodness. When there were only four squares left (evidently, my family had been slowly chipping away at is as I sat idly by, completely unaware), my brother came up to me and asked if he could finish it off. "NO!" I said. "NO! I'M SAVING IT!" He was very nice and said he'd leave it for me.

That was one week ago. This afternoon, I went to look/smell at it (as you do). Alas... there was none left.

I may never get to taste that sweet, sweet amalgamation of cookie holiness and chocolate goodness again. Sure, I can try to replicate it by mushing together Oreos and Cadbury milk chocolate but it will never be the same. Their's had a layer of cookies n' cream creme in the middle and huge Oreo chunks and it's just not the same, okay?

I'm so mad right now but I shouldn't be because it's not like I told them, "Don't eat any. I'm saving it," because I was trying to be gracious and generous and share the goodness around. I feel mad because it's such a struggle trying to be a healthy eater in a family that doesn't eat quite as healthily (although they still eat very healthily compared to other families... I am lucky in that respect). They buy delicious, delicious snacks and ice-cream. I want it so bad so decide I will eat some later, maybe in a few days, maybe in a week or a few weeks. I try to spread out my treats to live in "moderation." Then I get scared someone will eat it all before it's my turn. So I get out my cling wrap and hide that shit. But then I think to myself, "Self, this is not normal behaviour. Behave normally." So I put the cling wrap away and hope and pray to God that no one will eat my piece of carrot cake before I get to it.

I'm clearly reverting back to my food hoarding ways. The other day, my mum found my numerous bags of dates and water crackers in the drawer under my underwear drawer. The next day, she made sticky date pudding and half of one of those bags was gone.

I was very upset. I still am and I'm not sure if I will recover. This is one thing I'm looking forward to about living by myself/moving out. Having more control over my food. No one telling me to stop eating so many eggs (can I talk about that for a moment? I know eggs supposedly have quite a lot of cholesterol in them but I feel they are still reasonably healthy. Especially compared to a lot of other foods. It's like when my dad tells me to stop eating such big bowls of oatmeal in the morning. Excuse me? Eight months ago, I used to eat cake everyday. I'm pretty sure eating big bowls of oatmeal is a lot healthier than that behaviour. I don't think he ever commented on my daily cake consumption while I was daily cake consuming. But the second I decide to start trying to be healthy (which is something I didn't even tell my family), my dietary habits are suddenly up for criticism).

This is the end of this blog post.

J