The Worst One Yet

I walked to work today because my dad had to go into work and buses on weekends are stupid. It was hot. Not sure how pleasant I smelled when I got in.

Officeworks likes to celebrate holidays and festivities to the max. I walked in today and saw someone dressed up in a full bunny suit handing out Easter eggs. We also had a table of hot cross buns that people could help themselves to (I yearned for one but it would obviously be unprofessional to do so).

When I went to the staff room, I saw Bunny Wo/Man again. S/he took off the head and it was R with his hair/facial area all sweaty from the suit. We had a short laugh but it was nothing special.

The reason why this was the worst day with R yet is because I didn't put myself out there. I don't know why but I completely clammed up even though I had so many opportunities. We had a break for about 15 minutes together and we didn't talk at all. He lied down on the couch, reading his Japan Lonely Planet while I played on my phone. We were the only ones in the staff room. It would have been so easy.

At the end of the day, the girl who's usually in print & copy left early so asked one of us to help R balance the register as he's never done it before. I freaking volunteered. I worked so hard for it! But then, when I went over there, we didn't even talk. At all. I didn't ask him if he had any plans for the weekend, didn't ask him about Japan, didn't ask him about jack shit.

I'm so disappointed in myself. Kim once said to me that you know he's the right one for you when conversation flows freely and it just feels natural. I've literally never had this with anyone but my best friends and family.

I'm so fucking lost.

J