The Celebrations Continue

Tomorrow is the 15th day of Chinese New Year so we are having another big family dinner. I have decided to make a "light" dessert (as it will be following massive consumption of unhealthy things) and need ideas.

Tonight, we will be having our second steam boat in the space of two weeks...

I also made some shorts out of a pair of grey skinnies that were too loose for me. Now the shorts are too tight... I hope they will loosen with more washes but I doubt it.

It also occurred to me the other day about how much I feed off of other people's social anxiety. People who know me know how horrifyingly horrifying I can act when I feel awkward or placed in a situation where I have to (God forbid) talk to people. I speak really quietly (it becomes so much more awkward when they ask you two times what you just said... And they judge you, I swear to God, they judge you if you act socially awkward) or sometimes I just don't say anything at all. Even if it's just me and another person, if I feel super awkward I will just shut up until the other person says, "Okay, well, it was good to meet you," and then walks away. Then I'll be left there feeling like a chump but hey, that's better than having to suffer through an awkward conversation... right?

However, when I'm in a conversation where I'm the more confident person, my confidence levels increase tenfold. I lead the conversation, I make jokes, I say outrageous things, I talk LOUDLY and I find myself completely hilarious and charming. I don't know if I'm trying to make the other person feel more inadequate or if I'm trying to make them feel more comfortable. This also applies if I'm talking to people younger than myself. Unless they're hot.

I can't tell you how many times this past holidays I've been asked my older family friends and neighbours how I'm liking uni. I always answer with, "It's alright," and try to play it off cool and nonchalant but really I'm thinking, "Wtf am I supposed to say? I love it? Because I don't love it and lying is wrong, right? Am I supposed to say it's enjoyable? But that just makes me sound like a chump. Saying it's alright is literally the most accurate thing I can possibly say while using the least number of syllables."

They always reply with, "Just alright? Not GREAT?" and I just nod and repeat myself and then look away awkwardly and they look away and start talking to someone with more social skills than my piddly self.

I also find it hilarious that Little Mishelle will talk LOUDER if she's in an awkward situation. On some occasions that is. Sometimes, she'll just not talk at all but sometimes she will talk louder like she's trying to fill in the gaps with sheer volume. It's really quite terrific.

J