What I'm Capable Of

Periods.

Maybe I just like talking about them. Maybe I have a bizarre obsession with them. I don't know. I went through many years of middle school devastated by my lack of menstruation. I was what they call a "late bloomer." I didn't get my period until I was halfway through my 14th year and didn't get boobs until I had enough money for implants (le jk). Perhaps that explains my ongoing tendency to discuss them.

The thing about periods is this; they are so fucking nasty. We like to talk about how annoying they are, how moody and tired we get, how they restrict our ease of movement (never knew what Big Michelle meant by "chafing" until I had to walk 3km with a pad). What we don't like to talk about is how disgusting they are. Visually and in various other regards.

There is nothing fouler (well, there is) than going to the bathroom, pulling your undies down and seeing... something there. You're not sure what it is. Spontaneous abortion? Impossible, still a fresh flower. Dying out of my ass? Possible... Dead alien that had taken residence in my uterus and has now died and fallen out? Very, very possible. Increasingly plausible.

Perhaps my favourite aspect of the disgustingness that is menstruation is when you're sitting or standing or squatting or in any position really and then suddenly... What the fuck is that? That really strange sensation? Wait, seriously, what is that? Oh, I know what that is. I'm about to give birth to a big ass blood clot.

YES, I SAID IT. Blood clots. A part of periods that is truly fucking disgusting but so amazing at the same time. You look at it (everyone does this, right?) and think, "Holy shit, that was in me. I just gave birth to a slug." You wonder how anything that foul yet so perfectly encapsulated could exist. You wonder if there is a colony of small beetles living inside that perfectly clot-like clot. What would happen if you popped it? Would millions of crawling things pour out? Would I suddenly die because that clot and I are inexorably connected in a deeply spiritual way?

Oh, periods. I could talk about you all day.

J