He came to stocktake yesterday in his civvies; grey t-shirt and jeans. The grey t-shirt was a touch too tight and low cut (I know, I know...) and was unfortunate enough to display (what I always suspected) a slight potbelly and the smallest hint of chest hair. He really should be everything I physically hate. He has those notably hairy arms due to his Asian mother and Caucasian father (thick + dark hair). The lack of muscular physique. Big teeth. Evidence of past acne. But I'm still so freaking into him.
He hooked up his phone to the store speaker system so we listened to his playlist as we counted hundreds of thousands of display folders and document wallets (the worst). It surprised me. It was mostly dance music and therefore hilarious. He asked me later what I thought of his taste in music. I told him it surprised me and I wouldn't have associated it with him. We talked about him leaving for Japan and whether he planned on returning. He asked me if I would ever do the same; go on extended travel overseas and work. I told him I would love to... but probably wouldn't get the chance. Usually, when I talk about this kind of stuff with people I'm not close friends with, I feel very false and self-conscious. But with him, I just wanted to keep talking to him. I wanted to know what he thought and what his plans were.
I just like his smile. I like looking at his smile and looking at him. I like the way he looks at me and smiles at me. It's fucking killing me. When will I shut up about this crap? I quite seriously am annoying myself at this point because it's just the same shit every time and it's not like I ever do anything about it. I can't help it. I ruminate (I have heard this word so many times in Psychology of Healing but quite like it) about him (and I know that this is possibly the wrong context to use that word) all day long sometimes.
It's like it's just me and him when we talk. Maybe it's all in my head but I feel so connected to him when we talk. Sometimes, it feels like there's stuff being unsaid when we smile at each other. I want badly to know if he's thinking the same thing. If he wants to say something else. Do other people notice me mooning over him? Does he realize? Is he scared of me?
Oy vey.
In other news, this is how my bread turned out after sleeping with it for over 12 hours:
It was quite a sensual experience. Very crusty but a little too chewy. Almost crumpet-like in texture. I am keen to try out the Matt Preston Masterchef no knead bread (it involves refrigeration overnight. So much easier than trying to find somewhere warm to let the dough rise). Maybe next week. My family is going to get so sick of sub-par bread by the end of this yeast-obsessed episode of mine.
J
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