That Summer by Sarah Dessen

I've been sitting here for the last half hour thinking back to all social situations I've been in, in the past year or so, and cringing. It's approaching my bedtime (must prepare for intense face painting tomorrow) but I can't stop now.

I keep thinking about all the times I should have jumped, should have talked to that person, should have smiled more, should have introduced myself, should have tapped their shoulder, should have waved back. About the one time I was walking up to the bus stop and saw two girls I kind of knew waving in my direction. I couldn't tell if they were waving at me or to someone behind me (I honestly didn't know them that well). I sort of half smiled and I knew my facial expression was kind of neutral/angry (my neutral expression is kind of angry to begin with). I hate that. I hate it so much.

I should have yolo'd and plastered a huge grin on my face and waved back. Who cares if they weren't waving at me? We could have just had a laugh about it and maybe we would be best friends now.

This year is going to be different. I know it! I know it! I was going to leave this blog post until after the end of this holidays but I can't help it anymore.

This summer has the potential to be one of the most important of my youth. I have interacted with people, gained a lot of life experience and done something on my own. One of the reasons I feel so much happiness working at Officeworks is that I did it all on my own. I applied, I interviewed, I started working and I actually made friends there. I didn't have a crutch that I relied on. This university year, I'm going to join a club by myself. I'm not going to plead with people to come with me; I want to go by myself.

Time for bed now. I just finished watching The Amazing Spiderman and will probably have dreams about dating Andrew Garfield tonight. Again.

J