My Cousin, the Crazy Bitch

"Don't be too enchanted by her," my father said, a warning look in his eyes.
"I'm not," I said. And truthfully, by that point, I sincerely was not.

The first few hours/days, I might have thought she was ridiculously cool, worldly and knowledgeable. And she certainly is. She is well-travelled, outgoing and ambitious. But she is also fucking nuts. As the days have passed, I sometimes am getting the impression that she is using me/us for her own escapades and just wants free board and transportation. I don't trust her at all.

She's a load of fun and laughs. She laughs at freaking everything and as loudly as she possibly can. But there's usually a point when I start doubting her mental health.

Yesterday, we went to Rottnest. She hit on the guy working at the bike hire place. As we got off the ferry home, we saw this guy disembarking the same ferry. She RAN after him and started chatting him up again. Hilariously, he turned out to be married. Whilst the interaction was hilarious (I observed from the other side of the road), I felt sorry for this guy who was kind of shy and reserved. I wonder if he really was married.

On the train home, she got into a full conversation with two other guys on the train. Full conversation; life histories, commenting on the Perth sunset, other shit. One of the guys was a fly-in-fly-out oil rig worker (who was buff as hell) and the other was a sexy French lawyer who'd just come to Australia. Oil rig man left and Frenchie remained for the next few stops. Literally, two minutes from him disembarking, she initiated an exchange of numbers and has already texted him to go to the beach with her this Saturday.

I have left the most hilarious/disturbing story for last.

Yesterday, at Rottnest, we were lounging around Little Salmon Bay after an amazing snorkel. I look over after a few minutes AND SHE HAS A LARGE AMOUNT OF PUBIC HAIR ON DISPLAY. She is changing her bikini bottoms in fucking public.

I have no words.

However, on the plus side, I have discovered a deep love for snorkelling, ocean swimming and Rottnest Island in general. On the down side, I still hate the sun and beaches. I don't understand people who can just lay out for hours. Don't you care about melanoma? Or the headache and "heatiness" (to quote all Chinese mothers out there) that come after it?

To end this insane rant (maybe I'M the crazy cousin), she's asked to go to O-day with me tomorrow (I think because no one is willing to drive her around) and I'm trying to think of every possible excuse to not bring her with me. Discuss.

J