Another Week Gone

8.10am. I'm at uni. Again. It was nice while it lasted; lounging at home. Yes, studying, but open pantry all times of the day. Get up slightly later than usual, time to eat a leisurely breakfast and exercise.

Today is also a public holiday. Queen's birthday or something similarly inconsequential. I was the only one awake when I left home this morning. I felt a kind of loneliness as I ate my toast, staring blankly at Saturday's newspaper.

The drive to uni was absolutely serene. It was maybe the only time I've ever enjoyed driving. The streets were dead quiet, there were no cyclists blocking my way. It was nice.

I feel like my uni life and... the rest of my life are two separate entities. When I'm home, it's almost like uni doesn't exist. It's somewhere far away. I'm at home, I'm in my domain. It's been almost two years since I started uni and I don't really have an excuse for having no good uni friends anymore. I have gone further into my shell since uni started and it's not the way things are supposed to go.

I thought about going to med ball this year. I thought maybe it would be nice, a chance to get dressed up. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to go. I knew that, if I wanted, I could get a table to sit with. But I only saw myself sitting there awkwardly, trailing after people and lingering around anxiously during pres. While everyone else got up to dance, I would excuse myself to the bathroom and then find somewhere quiet to collect my thoughts and be alone, dreading if anyone should come out and see me like that.

I have a natural disposition towards the quiet, reserved life. I don't think this can be disputed. I also think that quiet, reserved people who love slothing around at home and being by themselves can still go out and have fun with others every now and then. Even Stephen Merchant, with his Great and Terrible Height and Googly Eyes, went to carnivale in Brazil and to Trafalgar Square on New Year's Eve and chats up girls on early morning trains as he returns home from an evening of debauchery.

I was thinking about this last night. I was wondering if I truly dislike these kind of social gatherings or is it because I feel awkward and out of place that I dislike them? And if I didn't feel awkward and out of place, I would love them?

In any case, watched Strike Back or whatever that shit is called (Strikeback?) last night with mother. It was her idea; she probably saw the ads on TV and was lured in by the goodlooking main characters. Two blokes. I'm pretty sure one of them played Leontes in Camelot but I can't be bothered checking. There was sex and tits and I was like, "Ooo...kayyyy..." and about to gtfo and then shit started getting real and Leontes ran and then leapt and then caught the bomb out of the air and I was very aroused and excited.

That's pretty much it for now. I will watch Straight Back again next week and report further on Leontes' Arms.

J