A Moment of Clarity

This morning, as I sat eating my morning bowl of banana porridge (Little Mishelle, in case you've been counting, that is almost everyday for over 10 months), I realized something.

I need to leave Perth.

Maybe it's exam restlessness or a weird stage of my ovarian cycle or maybe because I watched Notting Hill last night (review to come) but... it all just become so obvious.

This is not the life I want for myself.

I know it's all romanticized (moving away etc.) and everyone thinks home is daggy and boring. Perhaps if I do move away, I will find this new home equally daggy and boring after a few years. Regardless, I think it's something I need to do one day or I will regret it forever. I'll regret never having experienced anything but what I know.

Perth will probably always be "home" but it's not somewhere I want to stay forever. I've always said, "I have to move somewhere with cooler weather," because sometimes I feel like I don't function anywhere near capacity during summer. I think now I need to say, "Perth, while relaxing and calming, is cloying in how small it is."

There's such a huge world out there. I can't stand thinking that Perth will always be home. Yes, I can go on holidays... but it's not the same, is it? You can go on holidays for two weeks, three weeks, a month, two months, maybe even a year, but it's not actually the same as moving away and settling somewhere completely different and starting from scratch and living in a completely different way.

This is rich coming from the girl who's eaten the same breakfast nearly everyday for nearly a year. But I think this is something probably everyone feels (and probably most people grow out of it at some stage and realize that, realistically, they'll always be stuck in whatever hell hole they were dropped in).

Speaking of breakfast, I've come full circle. Last summer, I went on a diet (hence the banana oats and ensuing boredom). I just started my summer's diet again (well, technically it's spring) a few days ago. I want to stick to it. I know I won't but I want to.

I don't know why I never stick to diets. I've probably gone on one every year for the last... five years? And I know that, logistically, eating less + exercising = losing weight. Nevertheless, I lose steam after like... a week and turn back to disgusting, unhealthy habits.

J