Being a Fat Bitch

Why do Asian people find it alright to call the children of their family friends fat? They say it with the same smirk and smile like what they're saying isn't inconceivably rude and hurtful.

We bumped into an old family friend at dinner tonight. He says to my brother, "Oh yes, you've gotten skinnier. You used to be quite fat as a child!" then he looks at me and says, "Obviously, you've gotten," and makes this gesture. Sticks his arms out like I've become a rotund travesty. And it's not like he can talk because he has a belly to rival Santa Claus.

This is probably the twentieth time this has happened in my teenage/early-adulthood years. Everytime, it's that same thing. Silly smile, calm voice like it's all part of friendly conversation. If this was White society, said Asian aunty/uncle would get fucking shot.

I know it's coming a few moments before it happens that it's going to happen. It's like people with epilepsy who get the "aura" before they have a fit. I know it because they look at me with a smirky judgemental look and they turn to my mum/dad and say it.

Today, my mum replied with, "Yeah, she's big boned."

Okay. I know I'm rotund. And my friends will say, "No, you're not!" but it's okay because I know I am. Especially compared to Asian girls, I am fucking huge. The thing is... it's not like I fucking don't know it. I know it everytime I look in a mirror or catch my reflection in a window while I'm walking next to one of my friends who is infinitely tinier than me. I know it when I look down and compare my thighs to the girl sitting next to me and see I could probably crush her if I sat on her. I know when I'm sitting on the bus and my shoulders stick out into the aisle because the bus seat doesn't cater for them.

I thought to myself on the drive home, "I should become anorexic to spite them all." But then, the next time they saw me, they would probably say to my parents, "Oh, she's lost some weight! Good for her!"

J