A Brief History of Naming in Hipsterdom

I reserved the three The Hunger Games books from the library and today I picked up the second and third one. The first one had close to 1000 reservations so I'll be 30 by the time I get that one.

On Katniss Everdeen's wikipedia page, Stephen King says she is a "cool kid" with a "lame name" who he liked once he got over her name. I lol'd. I think her being named Katniss is the opposite of hipster-ness.

It probably was very hipster to have a name like Katniss at some point. But then all these rampant, sexually charged 13 year old fanfiction writers started writing rampant, sexually charged fanfics and naming their characters Katniss and Bryde and Faerie (not even gonna lie, I once wrote a character called Faerie, I am actually describing myself in this passage) and suddenly, all hipsters gathered together in a whirlwind of rage.

And they decreed their first ammendment:

"Thou who aspires to be a hipster in an ugly and decidedly non-hipsterish way shalt not be a hipsta EVA and we shalt cast off whatever manner of hipster-ness they have used to attain false hipster-ness."

It was a very long ammendment.

Now, all hipsters like to name their children and characters using old names reminiscent of the olden days and incontinence. Names like Sally (oops!), Atticus, Alice (sorry, you-know-who), Celia, Gregory Peck and Bruce Dayne.

There was a brief blip in the timeline of old-person-hipster-names (which began probably some time in 2002 when three precocious 13 year olds started a 70 000 word rampage about boys' "sex things" going in "ye ol' trapdoor") when Twilight came out in which Stephenie Meyer names the Cullens using old names like:

Rosaby, Fantasia, Sullen Cullen, Depardieu and Tudor the Pike.

But, after a momentary lapse, hipsters across the nation, No! across the world, returned to their old ways to reclaim the land that is rightfully theirs. The land of old-namedom. All praise it! And so rose the second ammendment:

"Thou who doth not name their child something from Atonement shalt be stoned to death using bundles of our American Eagle beige sweaters. Nay! They shalt only deserve our crappy Forever 21 sweaters that we wear as loungewear."

Note: I do not have anything against Forever 21 but we all know hipsters hate that shit.

The end.

J