Bit Nippy

It's been pretty chilly lately 'round yonder and today, as I ran past my mother screaming, "IT'S FUCKING FREEZING!" except without the profanity, I realized that I have a sort of process or recurring occurence that happens to me.

It starts off like this...

1. I get on the bus. Jeez, I hope that creepy, smelly guy doesn't sit next to me. But if I put my bag on the other seat it'll probably prompt him to ask me to move it just so he can sit next to me because he thinks I'm rude. Avoid eye contact. Avoid eye contact. Look really pissed. Look really pissed. Phew, he went to sit next to that four year old. Crisis averted.

2. I sit on the bus. This is nice. I feel the earth move under my feet. I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down. The sun is streaming onto my face. Life is good.

3. I get to my stop and ring the bell. I'm very paranoid so I basically go into my extremely alert mood about five minutes from the stop, sit up, put my backpack on, adjust my jacket, ears pricked up, staring outside the window for the exact moment when I should ring the bell.

4. I get off the bus. The sun is high. My soul is flying.

5. I walk home. Fuck, now I feel hot. Why am I wearing this jacket? But I'm too lazy to take it off because then I'd have to take off my backpack and put it on the floor and God knows what filth is there. No, must endure.

6. Get home. How will I multitask swinging my backpack off and pulling out my keys while the sleeves of my jacket sever my arms? This is difficult. This is exhausting. I've broken a sweat. At this point, I also desperately need to urinate.

7. I manage to get inside. I don't know how. It's like a blur. I set my bag down. The sweat pours off my face. I dash to the toilet and relieve myself. Ah, feels good.

8. I leave the bathroom. "Sweet Hesus, it's hot in here," I think to myself and run around opening all the windows.

9. I take off all my clothes. All of them. I change my restrictive jeans or tights for some loose home shorts. I relish in the feeling of wind on my bare (feral) legs. I decide I should dehair soonish but really cannot be assed. "Ah," I say at last as I sit down in front of my computer. "That's lovely."

10. I pretend to study.

11. I continually dash to the pantry to eat food at regular five minute intervals.

12. It's just past 4.30pm and the strenuous exercise an hour or so earlier is starting to wear off. I'm not feeling so hot anymore. Now I'm starting to feel cold.

13. It's cold.

14. I feel cold.

15. I race myself as I run around the house closing all the windows. I break the twisty thing on my brother's window in my haste to close them all. I grab a jumper.

16. It's still cold.

17. My parents/brother get home. "SWEET JESUS," I say to them, "IT'S FUCKING FREEZING."

The end.

J