Extremely Offensive Pick Up Lines

I feel like such a dude for enjoying this so much. I want to go to there:



J

The Worst One Yet

I walked to work today because my dad had to go into work and buses on weekends are stupid. It was hot. Not sure how pleasant I smelled when I got in.

Officeworks likes to celebrate holidays and festivities to the max. I walked in today and saw someone dressed up in a full bunny suit handing out Easter eggs. We also had a table of hot cross buns that people could help themselves to (I yearned for one but it would obviously be unprofessional to do so).

When I went to the staff room, I saw Bunny Wo/Man again. S/he took off the head and it was R with his hair/facial area all sweaty from the suit. We had a short laugh but it was nothing special.

The reason why this was the worst day with R yet is because I didn't put myself out there. I don't know why but I completely clammed up even though I had so many opportunities. We had a break for about 15 minutes together and we didn't talk at all. He lied down on the couch, reading his Japan Lonely Planet while I played on my phone. We were the only ones in the staff room. It would have been so easy.

At the end of the day, the girl who's usually in print & copy left early so asked one of us to help R balance the register as he's never done it before. I freaking volunteered. I worked so hard for it! But then, when I went over there, we didn't even talk. At all. I didn't ask him if he had any plans for the weekend, didn't ask him about Japan, didn't ask him about jack shit.

I'm so disappointed in myself. Kim once said to me that you know he's the right one for you when conversation flows freely and it just feels natural. I've literally never had this with anyone but my best friends and family.

I'm so fucking lost.

J

Teardrops On My Guitar

If I had a guitar, that is.

Crying so hard because she's amazing. Case in point:
  

It's so noticeable when you listen to her sing her old songs. She sounds so much better in this recent acoustic version of Forever & Always she sang on the Red tour. It's not one of my favourite songs because it's so easy to sound flat and terrible. But yeah, she sounds so incredible here. She's going for those notes, she's more confident, her stage presence is amazing. I'm literally in tears. Tell me why.

Exhibit B:



I will love her Forever & Always. I've been going through phases recently when I don't listen her for weeks, even months. But I always come back to her.

J

Teenage Dream

You never appreciate "teenage metabolism" until it's gone. That's my new saying.

When I was younger, I swore I had no teenage metabolism. I always felt like the fattest person in the room. All that crap. But now that I'm 20 and look back fondly on those days, I realize how great my metabolism actually was.

Now, I eat less and exercise more and am still putting on weight. WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?

J

Evanescence - "Even In Death (Cologne 2003)"

This used to be my JAM:



I love/d this with an unbridled passion. Even in death my love goes on...

Ho ho, cheesy shit. I feel no remorse.

J

Evanescence - "Bring Me To Life (Rock In Rio 2011)"

It's still good!



She is a pretty flawless vocalist.

J

Dilemma

I have seriously been contemplating asking R out or at least make it super obvious that I'm into him.

I'm so fucking scared though. Is this what boys go through when they think about asking a girl out? I'm just so tired of waiting around. I'm tired of wondering "what if." What would happen if I did ask him?

a) He says yes. We get to know each other. I already know he is amazing so I know I would enjoy spending time with him. There is potential for a relationship or at least getting to know each other better even if it doesn't work out.

b) He says no. It's incredibly awkward (mostly because I make it awkward). We avoid talking to each other for the rest of the time I work at Officeworks. I lose a really cool friend. Everyone else at work finds out and there is constant tension and awkwardness in the air from then on. I start dreading going to work and checking the timetable in the hopes he's not rostered at the same time as me. 

There's so much to potentially lose but so much to potentially gain as well. 

Can someone advise me? Someone who has been in a similar position or who has made the first move. How do you get over that feeling in your body that is screaming at you to not do it? Or how do you manage to listen to the part in you that's screaming at you to do it and just see what happens?

I'm so confused. 

J

Curtis Mayfield - "Move On Up"

This has to be one of the best songs known to man:



First of all, it was used in Bend it Like Beckham, a classic. They've introduced this to the Officeworks music rotation and when it came on the other day, I said to Z, "Oh, my God. I love this song. It reminds me of Bend it Like Beckham every time," and then she said, "I've never watched that movie."

I was disappointed. We are no longer friends.

Second of all, it's motivational and inspiring. Yes, I do want to Move On Up!

Third of all, that saxophone hook. It's honestly the catchiest hook I've ever heard. I want to bathe in it. Just a few moments ago, I said to my brother, "Brother, what's that song called from Bend it Like Beckham that goes like this... (insert off-key singing of sexy sax hook)."

His eyes lit up. "I KNOW EXACTLY THE SONG YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." We then raced to find it on YouTube.

See, this tune transcends the tone-deafness of my tone-deafness.

J

Creepy and Desperate

Apparently, the work roster was completely changed since I last took photographic evidence of it (contrary to popular belief, it's not because I'm a stalker and like to know when R's on. Okay, partly that. But mostly because I like being definitely sure of when I'm rostered on. If I have photographic proof and rock up at the wrong time, at least I can show them that and say, "Not my fault, bitches." I also like to know who's on at the same time as me as I like to cater my social prowess to the situation).

How do I know this? Because I walked in and there was R over at print & copy. He was bending over so I all I saw was that shock of black hair and the stupid glasses. My heart broke into a million pieces. JUST JOKES. It didn't. I'm rarely that dramatic in real life.

I didn't talk to him at all today as we didn't share any breaks. But I did make an announcement over the PA directed at print & copy at some point. I was looking over at him and he looked up when I made the announcement. We made eye contact and shared a smile. It was fucking enchanting.

In other news, the hottest guy came in today. He was tall, ruggedly handsome and wearing a leather motorcycle jacket. As you  know, guys who ride motorcycles are my new favourite kind (besides half Caucasian, half Indonesian-Chinese slackers). As he walked past, I looked at my bud, Z, and raised my eyebrows. She started laughing all too raucously and Motorcycle Man looked back. I bet he's used to thousands of girls lusting after him so hopefully he did not care.

I've been reading reddit. Yes, I have been. Specifically, the dating advice subreddit and the askmen subreddit. WHY AM I SO FUCKING SAD. No question mark because it's rhetorical. I don't want a response. The point is, I was reading topics like "What do guys think about girls who ask guys out?"

The thing is, after I semi asked Zeter Febbs out (actually, I didn't. But that's the way it was perceived so let's leave it at that), most of my shame came from the fact that I assumed he thought I was super desperate and disgusting. Some ugly bitch who couldn't get asked out herself so she resorted to begging guys for dates.

And then I started reading reddit (it's like a black hole. A black, black hole) and all the responses to that question were positive. Guys thought it was great! It showed confidence! It was sexy! More girls should do it!

AND NOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS ASK R OUT. But it's not going to happen because I have to see him every week. Sometimes I'm half tempted to leave a note in his locker professing my feelings. But I think this is worse and it's bordering on creepy and desperate.

Which is so obviously not me.

J

Indulgence

I bought another pleather jacket today and I have no regrets about it.

It was $19.95 from the obviously high class, high quality Valleygirl. It is size 14 and therefore can encompass my man shoulders. I know, size 14? That's ridiculous. But it doesn't feel or look like size 14. Besides the fact that it is comfortable around my shoulders, it looks like a size 12. I love that I am able to put my hands on my head without feeling the disgusting strain of fake leather pulling me back down. 

I also redeemed my free Baskin Robbins ice cream scoop today. Honeycomb choc something. I took myself on a solo ice cream date and enjoyed the hell out of it. I walked in and strategically took one stroll up and down the counter displaying the ice creams. If I had been with Little Mishelle, this alone would have taken upwards of 10 minutes. Then there would be multiple samplings and just a lot of general standing around, incoherent mumbling and deep-thinking expression. No, not this time. After this initial stroll, I chose the one that sounded the best and said, "That one, please!" to the girl.

I had a nice chat with the girl serving me then went for a walk down Beaufort Street while I ate my ice cream. It was nice. The Transperth gods were also kind to me and I managed to catch a bus just as I finished my ice cream and then, just as that bus got into the station, my next bus was waiting for me. It was amazing.

This week in review... I need some advice regarding Friendquest 2013. I don't really fear approaching this group of girls anymore and sitting with them in lectures. But then when we're let out and everyone's going to eat lunch, I'm not sure what to do. Do I just stick around and eat with them? I always feel like I'm intruding and like I've pushed myself on them. I usually just leave at some point. If Erin's there, she'll be really nice and engage with me, making me feel welcomed. The other girls are very nice but they're not quite as welcoming. 

Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. Generally. I had a bout of self-pity as I took the bus to get ice cream this afternoon but that passed fairly quickly. 

You know when you're reading some YA book or watching a kids' TV show and they're talking about how much it sucks to not fit in? I never really got that before. Mostly because I never experienced that in school. I always had friends in school and those people have, for the most part, gone on to be my best friends now. But now, in uni where we're supposedly supposed to be able to find our niche because it's so diverse and huge, I feel like I don't really belong anywhere. 

I'm not confident enough to banter with the popular people. I'm not nerdy enough (although that's a fairly apt description of me in many regards) to fit in with the nerdy girl group. I can't be boisterous and make suggestive jokes around them because they'll kick me out and tell me to find some other people to sit with in lectures. 

Maybe it's just because the med group is pretty small. I don't know. I kind of just feel like none of the friends I've met at uni actually know the real me. 

J