You're a Sucky Person

I received this amazing email the other day:

Let's start off with the obvious...

I wrote a fanfiction called Forbidden to Forget. But I didn't just "write a fanfiction called Forbidden to Forget." I wrote at least seven chapters of a fanfiction called Forbidden to Forget with the seventh chapter called Te Amo.

But I didn't just write at least seven chapters of a fanfiction called Forbidden to Forget. I wrote at least seven chapters of a fanfiction called Forbidden to Forget based on the characters of The Mediator by Meg Cabot. Maybe you could have guessed that. "Te amo" being the words I so desperately wanted to hear a Jesse de Silva lookalike whispering into my ear as I lay awake in my prepubescent (I was a late bloomer) bed late at night.

Lizette Ray, as much as your cruel words hurt me, I cannot blame you. I think we can all agree that a Mediator fanfiction called Forbidden to Forget is going to be really, really bad. But props to you, Lizette Ray, for presumably reading seven chapters of my sucky fanfiction. I hope you enjoyed every one of those sucky chapters and sucked them bone dry.

So, if you can be bothered to, you can even hunt down my really sucky fanfiction from the details in the above email. I didn't just write sucky Mediator fanfiction. I also wrote sucky Twilight fanfiction. But The Mediator was my home.

I'm reading a book called Fangirls by Rainbow Rowell at the moment. Its suckitude on a scale of one to 10 is approximately a negative five. It is really good. You would all like it. I now want to move to Nebraska.

J

Ultimate Thick, Creamy Milk Shake (Brings All the Boys to the Yard)

Oh shit, I think I'm in love with this boy/man:



I would advise Little Mishelle to "get on it" but I shotgun him.

J

Pillsbury Cookie Ice Cream Cake

This is so stupid:



Like, just get a bowl of ice cream and eat it with a cookie (or seven). And how shoddily produced is this video? The ice cream is clearly not set properly when he's serving up the cake. Why was the ice cream originally in glasses when he was assembling the cake? Why wouldn't you just scoop it directly from the tub? So many questions and no answers. Just like my life.

That being said, this is definitely on my 21st birthday radar: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2013/07/hot-fudge-sundae-cake/ Love a bit of smitten in my life.

J

My Muffin Top Is All That

Holy shit. Taylor Swift totally got a boob job but I don't even care because her body is banging:

Oh, to be skinny, tall, blonde and bodacious. 

In other news, I made these the other day:

Blueberry walnut muffins. Look at the back right one. Have you ever seen a muffin rise so preposterously? I think I'm in love with it. It has since been eaten.

And then I ate this on Friday:

Brioche toast, bacon, mushroom fucking medley, fried eggs, fig chutney thing. The mushrooms. Dear God, the mushrooms. 

Also, this post is filling me with glee right now: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/83630428.html#cutid1

Well, this post has been satisfyingly filled with a medley (apparently, my new favourite word) of food and figure related things. Feel free to return to your weekend.

J

Baker Bakes Bread

Fucking awesome short film:



J

No Bueno

My manager brought her stepdaughter into work yesterday. The little girl was eight years old and wanted to "help" at POS. At first, I was delighted. Because I get very lonely up there as am often the only person working the registers. But then I slowly began to realize how utterly dreadful it is too work with a very cute but irritating child.

You know the child who tells you off for stuff?
"Ooh, I'm going to tell on you!" she says. I want to tell her to shut the duck up. Instead, I laugh because there are customers around who might frown on my choice of words.

She grabbed a stool and stood at my register wanting to "help." She got in my way, kept wanting to count all the notes while I was trying to serve customers from the same register, kept putting coins in the wrong spots and then the worst.

Kept pulling my hair.

Normally, this wouldn't phase me too much. Except I saw this little devil eat a sausage sizzle earlier in the day. And I'm pretty sure she did not wash her hands after as I could smell the telltale smokiness of a well cooked sausage on both her breath and skin.

I was quite appalled and kept trying to pry her off me. It was impossible. Customers were laughing at my attempts. I was frustrated. Thank God she ran off at some point to annoy another person.

I am beginning to suspect that children and I may... not get along well.

J

The Last Time

We hugged goodbye. I found out he got facebook a few months back and forced him to add me. I smiled all the way home in the car like a lunatic.

We had a moment as he was about to leave. R, my manager, another girl and I were standing in a circle, talking and saying goodbye to R. The girl and my manager was kind of having their own conversation at one point. R looked over me and smiled and I just smiled back at him. We held eye contact for too long, just smiling, and it was magical.

I don't hug people. Not unless they're a girl friend I've known for an extended period of time. But I hugged R. He hugged me back. And it wasn't one of those half-assed hugs either. He really hugged me back quite hard.

One of our breaks overlapped. I only had 15 minutes and had to go back. We talked about our respective holidays and just had a jolly time, joking around.
"Stay!" he said as I got up to leave.
"Why?" I said.
"Stay and talk to me," he said. I stifled a whimper. And then I stayed.

I would for R. I will miss him dearly.

J

Orchard House

I could never look at Kirsten Dunst in the same way after watching her in Little Women. Is it bad that I secretly wanted Amy to drown in that icy pond?

J

My Ideal Man

My ideal man is Julian from The Famous Five. He is dreamy.

J

Little Women

I think Little Women may very well have edged its way up into my top five favourite books of all time. As with many books, I half-assedly read it in my early adolescent days and never really understood it. But, reading it now again, I am so moved by all the messages in it.

Maybe it's because I've been overdosing on chick lit over the last few months, but the lack of romantic feels in Little Women is so refreshing. Instead, there are messages of the importance of family, self-respect, morals, ethics, helping others. I mean, this book should really be the bible instead of... our current bible.

J