The Most Embarrassing Thing

That title is completely false advertising. What happened to me today is nowhere near the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. I can think of a thousand things more embarrassing than this. That time I farted in the back of Helen's sister's car (I freely admit this now, some 7.5 years later), this one time I was playing downball and staggered backwards, eventually landing on my ass, that time I sneezed in year eight sewing class and a bunch of blood came out of of my nose and all over my shirt.

I mean, there's really a plethora of embarrassing moments in my relatively brief existence thus far that I can choose from.

But today, I choose to tell you about this one. The time I was the only one out of a class of 200+ people to fail an assessment. Part of me is slightly embarrassed then part of me is not because I don't think it's really anything to be embarrassed about. To be disappointed about, sure. But embarrassed? Nah.

I had to go to remediation this morning (basically, you go in and a tutor helps you through your questions and the various physical examinations you can get tested on). It was at 10.30am. I walked in. Hm, that's odd. It's very quiet in here. Well, it is holidays. Maybe all the staff are on break.

I sit in the lobby for five or so minutes. I'm early so this is no shock to me (I think half my life has been waiting so far; I'm always ridiculously early to everything). Eventually, I walk around in case everyone's already there and I'm just hilariously oblivious. I find the head of clinical skills writing some stuff on a board in one of the tutorial rooms.

"Is this remediation?" I ask.
"Yup! Come on in."

I sit down. He goes through my marking sheet with me (oh God, this was honestly horrifying. I never go through marking sheets because I hate seeing everything I did wrong. I hate doing this when I pass an assessment, let alone when I fail. I refused to look at the comments I got for my driving test. Me and criticism do not generally bode well. I realize this is a fault of mine). He is very nice and patient.

It's 10.40am now. No one else is here. We start going through the shoulder exam. And then the knee. Then lumbar spine. Finally, someone else shows up. He hasn't failed his assessment; he just postponed it for some reason. You only have to go to remediation if you failed the assessment. I looked at the list of people sitting the exam tomorrow with me the other day. There's maybe seven or eight.

I realize, as time passes, that everyone else sitting the exam tomorrow has postponed their exam or missed it the first time around for some reason. I am the only one that has failed. I should have known this when I walked into the room and Craig, the tutor man, said to me, "Junaberry?"

Yes, yes, it is me.

Nonetheless, I actually felt really privileged to basically spend a private tuition session with Craig. It sucks that I failed so hard (and I mean failed hard. I won't go into details because they're horrifying but let's just say the words "danger to the patient" were used at one point in my marking sheet. I'm not even joking) but Craig was so nice, patient and explained everything so thoroughly. It was also really nice being tutored by the head of clinical skills which meant that his word was the true word. All the tutors do things in slightly different ways and then you practice with someone from another tute and find out it's all different. Then you stress. And, if you're me, fail your assessment.

We are rapidly drawing to the end of my story. I thanked Craig and David (the model patient. I feel bad they got in a model patient for one student... but he probably got paid and he walked in with a biscuit so it looks like he got a free morning tea as well) and left. I wandered around the city while waiting for my bus, bought a falafel wrap from Coles (the prepared food at the Coles in Raine Square is exquisite. To be fair, I have only tried the pesto chicken wrap and falafel wrap so far but both were worthy of entering my gob) then took the bus home. That's when I overheated and got the worse headache of my life. Whilst listening to Hamish & Andy podcasts on my phone. So I had a terrible headache while holding back snickers.

I nearly imploded on that bus ride home.

But I am home now. And I am bearing a $3.48 white lace (half lace, at least) peplum top I bought from Target. All is well in the world. I feel I am ready to kick my assessment tomorrow in the shins. I don't think I've ever felt so clinically knowledgeable in all my life. I want my examiners to think to themselves, "What the? How on earth did this girl fail? SHE IS A GIFT TO THE MEDICAL WORLD."

That is all. Go back to your business.

J