A Random Memory (TMI Edition)

When I was in year two or three, I came down with a terrible "stomach bug" (vague term deliberate). It was during the period of school swimming lessons so my parents assumed I'd just ingested some other kid's faeces or something to that effect. I came down with a fever one night and, some time around midnight, started experiencing really horrible stomach pains.

I ended up in the ED that night.

Dramatic pause.

Anyway, all was well. They gave me some sort of medication (I distinctly remember that they shot it into my mouth with a syringe. We took that syringe home for God knows what reason). I had a new nurse put an IV in and it hurt like hell. I pissed in one of those toilets on wheels that they wheeled into your room. I remember needing to pee so bad but my family were all out at the time (one of my parents stayed at the hospital overnight with me. I think I was in hospital for two nights) and I was too scared to call a nurse in to bring me a toilet.

Eventually, my need to pee surpassed my embarrassment and I pressed that red button. In came the wheely toilet. Never have I felt so embarrassed taking a piss as I did then. The nurse kindly said she'd turn around and gave me as much privacy as she could. I love that nurse. I hope she is doing well.

I remember eating a Jean Claude flute baguette for the very first time during my stay in PMH.

I also distinctly remember (this is the TMI part) my male doctor coming in... and checking my ass. He told me to roll on my side on the bed. There was butt cheek spreading. Now, with the medical knowledge I have garnered over the last 2.5 years, I have reason to believe he was checking for enterobius vermicularis.

PINWORMS. THREADWORMS. I MAY HAVE HAD WORMS IN MY ASS/GUT.

It's funny but I remember not even caring that some random guy was looking at my ass (the correct term would be asshole but I somehow feel self-conscious admitting that I have one?). I think that's the great thing about being around medical people. When you're sick and you need help, you don't really care if you shit yourself or if you accidentally vomit on someone (well, you do care but it's not as bad as when you vomit on some random at the supermarket) or if you have someone looking at your anus (oh yes, I went there).

Well, apparently I'm still self-conscious about nurses listening to me pee. But maybe I'll get over that.

This happened so long ago but I still remember that whole experience with startling clarity. I remember lying on the backseat of the car and listening to this song on the radio while I writhed around in agony. It was my favourite song at the time and it had the word "sunshine" in it but I have no idea what it was called. I've been hunting for that song for the last 10 years.

Anyway, that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed that story. Maybe next time I'll regale you with the story of how I got a UTI... Stay tuned.

J