Breathing Again

I feel almost completely normal now.

I am back to being able to enjoy things (see: multiple pieces of chocolate cake eaten). I am playing with my new phone (I should have been excited when I got it but nothing seemed important or exciting or reason for enjoyment back then; everything just seemed insignificant. Now, I am back to enjoying the insignificant and materialistic things in life). I am eating for happiness rather than eating so I can be done with the meal and retreat back to loneliness (I ate a curry puff this morning). I am back to consuming media, social networking and TV shows like the beast I am (see: multiple episodes of Smash I have downloaded since yesterday).

I'm booking an appointment with my local doctor to get a referral to a specialist. Part of me knows nothing will come out of it (he/she will say to me, "There is nothing that can be done") and that part is saying I should just not do it. Chances are I will get my hopes up and then will feel like my world is imploding in on me when the inevitable truth ("this is a lifetime condition") comes out. Part of me is just telling myself to go for it and I have nothing to lose.

It was my dad's idea as he said it was rare for a person of my age who hasn't been exposed to loud, continuous noise (seriously, guys, please look after your ears. This is part of why I am resistant to going to clubs and parties. I even wore earplugs when I went to see Taylor Swift. It might be all fun and dandy now but when you're 60 and get this, you'll wish you hadn't gone to all those places) so it might be an idea to just see if the specialist has anything to say.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. I just need to breathe again.

Oh yeah, Taylor Swift's new video for "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" came out yesterday. Go check it out. It's pretty shit.

J