Since October of 2010, I've had a condition called tinnitus. You can look it up.
Anytime I have mentioned being down or depressed on my blogs, it has in all likelihood been related to this.
There are days when I feel like my head is about to explode and nothing is worth living through this. Then there are days when I'm able to ignore it and live happily and like any other person without tinnitus. It's still there but I can go to bed and go to sleep easily by letting it fade into background noise.
I have to constantly remind myself that this is possible whenever I reach a state of hysteracy and desperation. There have been days or weeks when I have wanted to end everything over this. But for the majority of the time, I live like I did when I was younger and without this.
I wanted to write about this here because... I'm going through another period of being down about it. When it changes or gets worse, I spend days obsessing over it and going to my room, where it's quiet, to listen and drive myself to insanity.
Perhaps the worst part is feeling alone in this. There is no way to quantitate how I feel or what I am experiencing.
I believe that, regardless of how it progresses or what happens, I can live a happy life. There are more important things and happier things I should focus on. My family and friends. My future.
Many people have it worse out there. People with arthritis who suffer through agonizing pain every second of the day, for one thing.
I should be thankful of what I have. I am and I appreciate people who have checked in to see how I am.
It's like climbing out of a well (think The Dark Knight Rises) when this happens. I'm nearly there.
J
About Me
- Junaberry
- I'm a student from Australia who used to have a lot of time on her hands but doesn't have that much anymore. Now she has other stuff on her hands.
4 comments:
I love you SO much and, as I've said before, am sorry that you have to deal with this. Obviously I can't know how difficult this is for you, but I think all that you can do is try and stay positive - you WILL have an amazing and happy life. I know you have the tendency to obsess, and it must be hard not to, but I really admire the fact that you're trying not to/the attitude that you're adopting. You are an outstanding citizen.
Much love, little m
Love you, Suwen; you are amazing for having kept this to yourself for so long but know that you don't have to.
We are all here for you on your best and your worst days, me especially.
Call me u[ at 4am, we'll go get Malteser sundaes.
Love H
I concur with the two ladies above; we're all here for you and you know i'm a shoulder to lean on if you ever need it.
love you loads
:( love you
Post a Comment