I'm better. I'm not 100% but I'm better than before. I had a decent morning then did shit in my continuous assessment. Loitering around uni while I waited for my brother to get a lift home, I started feeling depressed again and cried a little.
The main thing is that I'm scared. If things stayed as they are now until the day I die, I wouldn't be so scared. But I'm scared it will get worse and then unbearable. I can't deal with that and I don't know if I'll be able to.
Yesterday, I played an unhealthy game. I thought about the things I would do or sacrifice if I was able to go back to normal and not have tinnitus anymore. Things included cutting my own finger off, being stabbed, being raped, transferring this condition onto someone else (of my choosing; I wouldn't wish this on anyone I love or even like) and other horrible things. It went to a bad place and I laid in my room for a while and felt sorry for myself.
I just want to feel safe and good again.
It's Little Mishelle's birthday tomorrow. I got something for her. I hope she likes it.
J
About Me
- Junaberry
- I'm a student from Australia who used to have a lot of time on her hands but doesn't have that much anymore. Now she has other stuff on her hands.
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