Is it... Possible?

Say you give a really health-conscious, slim, fit person a free ice-cream. A nice big-biccie Magnum. On a hot summer's day. Or a cold winter day. Or a mildly-temperatured autumn day. Or a gross, snotty spring day. Or any day for that matter. Would they eat it?

Can anyone really resist a really nice, free ice-cream?

Sometimes, I just don't know anymore.

J

Sad Story

I think I just died a little inside: http://www.selectivepotential.com/2012/05/letting-go-moving-on.html

This isn't even one of my favourite blogs but I follow it anyway because the girl is sweet and her clothes are accessible. It still kills me though. I know a lot of bloggers put on a faux-happy tone when they write (um, not me as you may be able to tell by the multitude of "FUCK I HATE MYSELF" posts in the past) but I still didn't expect this. Especially with the posts that seemed to show her being so happy.

I hate that this was a decision that occurred over a "year." A whole year, guys. And I was just happily reading her blog thinking everything was happy as ever.

Maybe I'm overreacting. In fact, I know I'm overreacting but I've been reading her blog for probably over two years now and you get attached to people and things, me especially.

I clicked on this post, I read the title, I scrolled down looking for the key words I knew were inevitably coming and then I semi-burst into tears. Sad.

J

Effing Judgemental Cow

Haven't done one of these in a while...

INT. ELLINGTON JAZZ CLUB. NIGHTTIME:

Lady: So, how do you know D & J?

Me: Oh, through uni. Yeah, through med.

Lady: Huh?

Me: Through med? Through uni.

Lady: Ah, second year then. I see.

Me: Yup. I also know J. I actually went to your house before when J held a games night there!

Lady: Eh?

Me: Sorry?

Lady: Eh?

Me: Yeah, I went to your house late last year. J had a games night. We watched Mulan!

Lady: I see... He has so many friends. I don't remember you.

Me: Ah...

Lady: So, which high school are you from?

Me: Oh. I'm from BCC.

Lady: Oh?

Me: Mmhmm.

Lady: Yes, I have a friend's son. I think he also went to BCC. Or maybe he just lives in B********.

Me: Oh, right.

Lady: Do many people from BCC do medicine? *judges BCC*

Me: *mishears her, thinking she said "many people from BCC do medicine* Oh, really?

Lady: No, I am asking you. Because...

Me: Okay, goodbye now.

J

Effing Acid-Base

Doing acid-base equations in uni again. Effing hell. Reminds me why I dropped kemistry in year 12 while at the same time making me regret it. None of this makes sense. I usually just end up memorizing it without really understand it then fuck up in the test.

J

Respond, Please

Guys.

What would you say if I told you one of the two following statements was true:

1. Rihanna is a virgin;

2. Taylor Swift has slept with over 10 men?

Respond.

J

Persimmons From Our Tree

I know. Third post of the day but this is what happens when you stay at home all day.

Tired and nostalgic as shit. It kills me that I can't go back to high school. Well, I physically can go back but I can't go back to those great days with all the cats sitting around in homeroom and pizics. I even miss learning about circular motion and torque and shit that never really interested me.

I miss the confidence I used to have surrounded by people I knew well. Even when I was younger and in a room with people I didn't know that well, I still would answer questions especially if I knew the answer. In fact, I would feel this burning urge to prove myself if I was with an unfamiliar group. Now, I look down at my shoes if I know the answer and whisper it to myself. I feel this terrible shame like if I answer everyone will silently judge me. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I want to be brave.

I want to know how to talk to people again. Sometimes, I don't know what to say. I know I have interesting thoughts and opinions but then I'm talking to someone and I don't know what to say. Yesterday, Big Michelle said she's very nosey so she'll just keep asking the person questions. Maybe I should do this? Except I don't want to appear nosey. And what questions can I possibly ask? What's your favourite TV show? What do you think of Russian literature? No. I don't know.

Let me give you a scenario. Last year, I went to a placement in the obs & gynae ward at Joondy hospital. One of the nurses there was telling me and another nurse about how when she had her baby they left her legs up in the stirrups so long that she got terrible pressure sores on her calves (this wasn't that irrelevant as the whole point of the placement was for a wounds/sores survey... I know, glamorous). I just made some sounds and shook my head like I thought it was ridiculous but didn't know how to respond.

What should I have said? I honestly don't know.

"Wow, that's terrible!" I guess is a starting point but then what? I always feel so phony whenever I respond like that too because honestly, half the time I don't really care..? I mean, I care but I'm not surprised. And yeah, it's terrible. But there's a lot of terrible shit and worse shit that happens. I don't know. I'm horrible.

And then, when I do speak, it comes out so nervously and stuttery that people stare at me strangely. I need help. Like in She's The Man with Amanda teaching Channing how to talk to girls. Someone needs to say to me, "Hi! I'm Viola. Duke? Nice to meet you." Except with other characters.

J

Wednesday Evening Blues

Great phrase: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass

Listening to Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging sound track. It really is the perfect playlist. It always makes me happy.

J

A Blog Post

Nice to stay at home today. Except that I woke up around 6am to hear my mum and brother arguing about whether he should take the car today or not. He has an interview this afternoon at EY I think but it's only at 4.30pm and he didn't want to wear a suit around at uni all day. So his plan was to stuff his suit into his backpack and then change later. Mother told him this was stupid, everything would get crumpled. I suffered through this in my half-asleep state then eventually yelled, "Shut up." They hushed their arguing to a barely discernible, "You cannot do this!" Except I did discern it.

Eventually, I woke up around 9am with every intention to eat breakfast, throw in half an hour of study, exercise, shower, then study some more. Except I felt like, as I so eloquently said on facebook earlier today, "My head was coming out of my ass." I think I stumbled out of bed making wheezing noises.

I have a cold.

Eventually I did do all those things I wanted to do and now I'm looking at renal physiology notes. Tutoring in 25 minutes. Study moar tonight then... chat? Har har...

I'm missing Little Mishelle terribly today.

J

What News From the Man Front?

1. Remember that really hot tutor from Egypt? Studly basketball player, super charismatic, very confident. Well, he was talking/joking to/with my anatomy tutor before the tute today and this is what I heard. "Nah, I've found my soul mate. I just gotta lock it down." Everyone laughs. "Not sexually. I mean, just lock it down." It was cute. My best to you, T. You will do great things (he's graduating this year, doubt I will ever lay my eyes on that handsome smile again).

2. My anatomy tutor I am 95% sure is either gay or has a girlfriend named A. Today, he mentioned said female at least three times. Once that she made the slides he was using, again that the pictures she chose were too complicated and lastly, that she mentioned something relating to the tute while he was talking to her on the phone last night.

So, all evidence points to her being his girlfriend, right? Yeah, I thought so. But as you know, past trauma has made me pretty paranoid about certain things and now I look at him and wonder to myself, "I mean, he's quite effeminate... But I don't really know." Either way, this guy is probably the sweetest guy I've ever met.

I know a lot of super, super nice guys (all of whom I've met at uni... Not a good reflection on those BCC boiz) but this guy is both really nice but he's also really funny, sweet, witty and good-humoured. He's the whole package (I also jump back and forth between thinking he looks like a super dork and then thinking he looks like a super goodlooking dork). Kudos to you, A, if you really have snagged that. Otherwise, kudos to whoever becomes his life partner eventually.

3. Can't believe I forgot this hilarity. I think I mentioned the halfie (half Asian, half White) anatomy lab demo who is really quite beautiful. Today, Meg kept asking me which one it was (she thought it was a nice but not exceptionally attractive Asian guy). Finally, towards the end of the lab, I whisper to her, "Okay, it's that guy over there. Don't look!" And the first thing she does? Yeah, look! Apparently (although I didn't see), he heard me say, "Don't look!" and at that moment decided to look up and caught Meg staring at him. So we wander off (well, I scurry) to the handwashing room (I don't know... it's just a room full of those trough-sinks for you to wash your hands in) and Meg's face is completely red. Taught her a lesson; don't look if someone says don't look! She said it was because she's White and White faces turn red whenever they laugh/cry/get embarrassed etc.

We'll see, my friend.

4. *personal stuff*

J

Two Things

Good lord, Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany make a good looking couple:

http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/69093172.html#cutid1

There are two things I desire from this:

1. I was Jennifer Connelly or;

2. I was their offspring.

J