Since approximately July of this year, I have been trying to make my butt shaplier/more buxom. Not by butt augmentation (is that the correct term?) but by incorporating various (supposed) butt shaping exercises into my current workout routine. Since July of this year, NO RESULTS HAVE BEEN NOTICED.
I am understandably devastated/disappointed/heartbroken and a variety of other sad and negative emotions. I wake up in the morning and immediately feel up my own ass in an effort to see whether it has grown into something lovelier since last night. Every morning, I am sorely disappointed and go do more squatz to no avail.
I am at my wit's end. There are only so many squatz and lungez a girl can do before she decides, "Maybe Judy Blume was right. Maybe I must, I must, I must focus on increasing my bust instead by doing those awful chest exercises." Chest exercises scare me. You never know when, during one of those flailing motions, your tits are going to burst open and your mammary glands are going to pop out. Now I bet you're imaging that. It would be pretty horrible (and messy).
I think having a shaplier butt is good for a number of reasons. For one, when you sit down, it'll probably be comfier. That's just a guess. Less bone on chair. Having a comfier seat is always a plus. For another thing, your ass looks nicer in clothes. Sometimes I get sick of having my wildly attractive face being the centre of attention and want to draw some appreciative gazes to my ass instead. Lastly, I fall down a lot. On my ass most of the time (or my knees or my elbows or my hands then I die). I firmly believe having a more buxom ass would cushion the fall and maybe prevent me from fracturing my pelvis or hip bone (like an 80 year old which I so obviously am in spirit).
Unfortunately, like I've already said (you should really pay more attention), all this organic/natural/Kora ass augmentation has been a complete failure. If anything, it has just made my thighs bigger and ain't nobody got time for dat. Before this, I tried to acquire respectable abdominal muscles. This resulted in nothing except for sore stomach muscles and a desire to puke after every workout. Before that, I put a special focus on my arms. You may have noticed (if you've seen me recently) that my arms are just as flabby as ever.
A long time ago, I used to jog. Almost every morning. And then my knees started hurting and I realized if I kept jogging I really would turn into an 80 year old and I'm saving that for when I turn 27 and need a quick exit.
My friends, I believe the moral of this story can be quite succinctly summarized as follows: the ass is the window to the soul. If you have a flat ass, embrace it. It means you have a flat heart, are of sound mind and spirit and are appreciative of the stability with which you are able to sit (flat asses rarely roll). Conversely, those of the rounder ass are of large, buxom hearts, minds and spirits. They do not need to hire toboggans when they go up on those snowy peaks but can instead slide down on their generous behinds.
Tomorrow, I begin work on scultping and slimming my fingers. Wish me luck.
J
About Me
- Junaberry
- I'm a student from Australia who used to have a lot of time on her hands but doesn't have that much anymore. Now she has other stuff on her hands.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
In Which I Talk More About Home Clothes
The last couple of times I have visited Big Michelle at her house, I have found her wearing jeans or something similarly binding. To me, this is a very foreign concept. Jeans + house? No.
For one thing, jeans are generally considered to be clothes you wear when you're out and about, right? Unless I put on a new pair of jeans, I'll be wearing jeans I've already worn out and, as you know, I am very averse to this. As a germ freak, the idea of sitting on my bed in jeans I wore on the bus is downright disgusting. Can you imagine rolling around in your bed at night (and I mean innocent rolling as you try to get to sleep. I only have a single bed after all) and basically smearing your body with the phlegm and snot of the various bogans and other filthy citizens that have used the bus in the last 10 or so years (I am guessing those bus seats are never cleaned)? I shudder just thinking about it.
Furthermore, I tend to wear fairly tight jeans (as pretty much everyone does these days. Do loose jeans even exist anymore?). I also like to sit in bizarre positions and rarely can be found sitting normally (unless I am in public). Usually, this involves one leg up on the chair or hanging off the side or tucked behind my ear. THIS IS SIMPLY NOT COMPATIBLE WITH JEANS-WEARING. You cannot get into these positions whilst wearing jeans.
Yes, I have resisted opening the door to the Avon lady several times in the past because I am wearing something ridiculous(ly comfortable) but I believe it is completely worth it. I am always comfortable at home. There is no such thing as "binding" home clothes. Sometimes I feel sorry for those that wear jeans and other disgusting garments at home. Do you know what you're missing? The cool breeze on your feral legs, the ability to sit cross-legged on the floor on any whim?
J
For one thing, jeans are generally considered to be clothes you wear when you're out and about, right? Unless I put on a new pair of jeans, I'll be wearing jeans I've already worn out and, as you know, I am very averse to this. As a germ freak, the idea of sitting on my bed in jeans I wore on the bus is downright disgusting. Can you imagine rolling around in your bed at night (and I mean innocent rolling as you try to get to sleep. I only have a single bed after all) and basically smearing your body with the phlegm and snot of the various bogans and other filthy citizens that have used the bus in the last 10 or so years (I am guessing those bus seats are never cleaned)? I shudder just thinking about it.
Furthermore, I tend to wear fairly tight jeans (as pretty much everyone does these days. Do loose jeans even exist anymore?). I also like to sit in bizarre positions and rarely can be found sitting normally (unless I am in public). Usually, this involves one leg up on the chair or hanging off the side or tucked behind my ear. THIS IS SIMPLY NOT COMPATIBLE WITH JEANS-WEARING. You cannot get into these positions whilst wearing jeans.
Yes, I have resisted opening the door to the Avon lady several times in the past because I am wearing something ridiculous(ly comfortable) but I believe it is completely worth it. I am always comfortable at home. There is no such thing as "binding" home clothes. Sometimes I feel sorry for those that wear jeans and other disgusting garments at home. Do you know what you're missing? The cool breeze on your feral legs, the ability to sit cross-legged on the floor on any whim?
J
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Tonight's Entertainment (Love and Other Disasters)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452643/
I totally forgot to blog about this one!
Brittany Murphy? Santiago Cabrera? Yes, yes, yes.
Brittany Murphy has a charmingly American-trying-to-be-British-a-la-Renee-Zelwegger accent in this movie. Fortunately, it is not grating and is actually pretty convincing (despite the breathiness). Speaking of Renee Zelwegger, this movie reminded me a lot of Down With Love (one of my favourite rom coms) which, itself, is based on the rom coms of the '60s (?) and plays a lot on the sexual semantics of the time. Think split screen thrusting. It's pretty great stuff.
Back to the movie. The plotline (straight man who everyone thinks is gay but who is actually in love with the chick) is pretty repetitive (Kick-Ass much) but still, it's obviously a well constructed one that hits all the right notes. At times, you want to shake Santiago Cabrera by his beautiful, broad shoulders and scream at him, "JUST TELL HER YOU'RE STRAIGHT ALREADY (SO YOU CAN FUCK)." But that's part of the story, right? Building up all that (one-sided) sexual tension (because the chick doesn't realise the guy isn't gay) and emotional turmoil and, of course, inevitably leads to The Fight. You know the one; I talked about it before. The stupidly sexy one that is so masterfully manipulated right from the very beginning to culminate to this stupid screaming match that is, more often than not, based on something that doesn't warrant a fight of that nature.
Here are some examples:
1. 27 Dresses. Sure, James Marsden's very sexy character (whose name I've completely forgotten) posted a bunch of Katherine Heigl's moderately sexy character's pictures all over the newspaper. And yes, she was dressed a bit stupid in them but hell, I would've been flattered if James Marsden did that to me. It probably means he thinks you're beautiful enough to be in the newspaper and that he loves taking pictures of you.
2. The Nanny Diaries. Chris Evans' throws a big fat hissy fit (one of the few movies where the "fight" is started by the dude) because Scarlet Johansson won't go on holiday with him somewhere or other (can't really remember what happens). Um, grow the fuck up dude. I know there was more to it (shit about her hating her job and him being pissed she won't stand up for herself) but the whole fight just came out like he was being a self-absorbed twat and trying to push her into something she didn't want to. Maybe the only time I've ever been a little mad at Chris Evans (while simultaneously wanting to stroke his hair and tell him everything will be alright).
3. What's Your Number? Anna Faris throws a big shit on Chris Evans because he didn't tell her he had gotten the contact info of her long lost ex like she wanted him to (long story). Even though Anna Faris did it because she wanted to get back together with said ex-boyfriend but, since then, had gotten together with Chris Evans (in my opinion, the superior man). In reality, bitch was just pressed her sister told her Chris Evans was a womanizing tool. I get so mad when rom com twig bitches (thanks, Rebel Wilson) get all introspective and start reflecting on their "mistakes" and shit because they always just hype it up to idiot proportions. Anna Faris needed to sit her ass down and realize Chris Evans offered to cook for her EVEN AFTER she wouldn't have sex with him.
4. Pride & Prejudice. BITCH, MR. DARCY JUST PROPOSED TO YOU. SURE, HE ALSO TOLD HIS BEST FRIEND NOT TO MARRY YOUR (VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE) SISTER BUT THE MAN IS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU, ALL SOGGY FROM THE RAIN. HE'S JUST TOLD YOU HE LOVES YOU "MOST FUCKING ARDENTLY."
Okay, so the last one wasn't exactly "stupid" and was probably pretty warranted (if Bingley and Jane got married they would "save her sisters from destitution") but I just wanted to throw it in because that fight is the perfect example of a very (sexually) tense "rom com" fight. I love it.
To be honest, the fights are usually the best parts of the movie. All that sexual tension. And now I believe I have used the words "sexual tension" enough in this blog post and must bid you adieu.
Oh yeah, I give this movie 4 stars. Good one. It was great seeing Sir Lancelot back on the saddle again (har har). He was just dashing, very sweet and very goodlooking. Brittany Murphy was legitimately beautiful in this movie. I never thought she was that pretty before seeing this movie but she looked outstanding here. A match for Sir Lancelot and that's saying a lot (because I think Sir Lancelot is a picture).
Besides that, the movie had a kind of Funny Face meets Down With Love feel that was very funny and bouncy and a good setting for a rom com.
J
I totally forgot to blog about this one!
Brittany Murphy? Santiago Cabrera? Yes, yes, yes.
Brittany Murphy has a charmingly American-trying-to-be-British-a-la-Renee-Zelwegger accent in this movie. Fortunately, it is not grating and is actually pretty convincing (despite the breathiness). Speaking of Renee Zelwegger, this movie reminded me a lot of Down With Love (one of my favourite rom coms) which, itself, is based on the rom coms of the '60s (?) and plays a lot on the sexual semantics of the time. Think split screen thrusting. It's pretty great stuff.
Back to the movie. The plotline (straight man who everyone thinks is gay but who is actually in love with the chick) is pretty repetitive (Kick-Ass much) but still, it's obviously a well constructed one that hits all the right notes. At times, you want to shake Santiago Cabrera by his beautiful, broad shoulders and scream at him, "JUST TELL HER YOU'RE STRAIGHT ALREADY (SO YOU CAN FUCK)." But that's part of the story, right? Building up all that (one-sided) sexual tension (because the chick doesn't realise the guy isn't gay) and emotional turmoil and, of course, inevitably leads to The Fight. You know the one; I talked about it before. The stupidly sexy one that is so masterfully manipulated right from the very beginning to culminate to this stupid screaming match that is, more often than not, based on something that doesn't warrant a fight of that nature.
Here are some examples:
1. 27 Dresses. Sure, James Marsden's very sexy character (whose name I've completely forgotten) posted a bunch of Katherine Heigl's moderately sexy character's pictures all over the newspaper. And yes, she was dressed a bit stupid in them but hell, I would've been flattered if James Marsden did that to me. It probably means he thinks you're beautiful enough to be in the newspaper and that he loves taking pictures of you.
2. The Nanny Diaries. Chris Evans' throws a big fat hissy fit (one of the few movies where the "fight" is started by the dude) because Scarlet Johansson won't go on holiday with him somewhere or other (can't really remember what happens). Um, grow the fuck up dude. I know there was more to it (shit about her hating her job and him being pissed she won't stand up for herself) but the whole fight just came out like he was being a self-absorbed twat and trying to push her into something she didn't want to. Maybe the only time I've ever been a little mad at Chris Evans (while simultaneously wanting to stroke his hair and tell him everything will be alright).
3. What's Your Number? Anna Faris throws a big shit on Chris Evans because he didn't tell her he had gotten the contact info of her long lost ex like she wanted him to (long story). Even though Anna Faris did it because she wanted to get back together with said ex-boyfriend but, since then, had gotten together with Chris Evans (in my opinion, the superior man). In reality, bitch was just pressed her sister told her Chris Evans was a womanizing tool. I get so mad when rom com twig bitches (thanks, Rebel Wilson) get all introspective and start reflecting on their "mistakes" and shit because they always just hype it up to idiot proportions. Anna Faris needed to sit her ass down and realize Chris Evans offered to cook for her EVEN AFTER she wouldn't have sex with him.
4. Pride & Prejudice. BITCH, MR. DARCY JUST PROPOSED TO YOU. SURE, HE ALSO TOLD HIS BEST FRIEND NOT TO MARRY YOUR (VERY VERY ATTRACTIVE) SISTER BUT THE MAN IS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU, ALL SOGGY FROM THE RAIN. HE'S JUST TOLD YOU HE LOVES YOU "MOST FUCKING ARDENTLY."
Okay, so the last one wasn't exactly "stupid" and was probably pretty warranted (if Bingley and Jane got married they would "save her sisters from destitution") but I just wanted to throw it in because that fight is the perfect example of a very (sexually) tense "rom com" fight. I love it.
To be honest, the fights are usually the best parts of the movie. All that sexual tension. And now I believe I have used the words "sexual tension" enough in this blog post and must bid you adieu.
Oh yeah, I give this movie 4 stars. Good one. It was great seeing Sir Lancelot back on the saddle again (har har). He was just dashing, very sweet and very goodlooking. Brittany Murphy was legitimately beautiful in this movie. I never thought she was that pretty before seeing this movie but she looked outstanding here. A match for Sir Lancelot and that's saying a lot (because I think Sir Lancelot is a picture).
Besides that, the movie had a kind of Funny Face meets Down With Love feel that was very funny and bouncy and a good setting for a rom com.
J
Monday, December 3, 2012
The Importance of Being Present
I was talking about this with mah gurlz the other day. Presence. I guess it could extend to all sorts of people but, specifically, we were talking about boys (as we usually are).
Presence is the sort of atmosphere or feeling someone exudes when you're with them. I think presence is usually more important that physical appearance. I guess you could call it "attraction" but I don't because, to me, attraction is mutual but presence can very much be one sided. Like when you walk into a room and go, "Dayum," and the other person doesn't even notice you. Attraction would be a mutual, "Dayum."
I've had two recent experiences with presence.
The first was a couple weeks ago when I went to karaoke with a bunch of randoms. There with this guy called Alex. Kim and I walked in and I admit to feeling a touch awkward. My friend who invited us, Bee, forgot to introduce us to all her friends so we were standing there for a few moments kind of awkwardly. I think Alex was the first one who said, "Hi, I'm Alex," and shook my hand.
He stood up and yeah, he was tall and impressive and had a friendly face, but more than that, it was just this thing he exuded that was all friendliness and confidence. Presence, people.
My second recent encounter with presence was today when I went for my second interview at Homecraft. I went in to find Nona (the nicest lady ever) who was supposed to interview me but she was nowhere to be seen. I asked this youngish guy (around my age) where Nona was. He only said about two words to me but he just exuded such a friendly, open personality. He was genuinely not a goodlooking lad. He was, at best, average but fuck, he was magnetic.
And so ends my rant on magnetism and attraction and presence. I hope you enjoyed it.
J
Presence is the sort of atmosphere or feeling someone exudes when you're with them. I think presence is usually more important that physical appearance. I guess you could call it "attraction" but I don't because, to me, attraction is mutual but presence can very much be one sided. Like when you walk into a room and go, "Dayum," and the other person doesn't even notice you. Attraction would be a mutual, "Dayum."
I've had two recent experiences with presence.
The first was a couple weeks ago when I went to karaoke with a bunch of randoms. There with this guy called Alex. Kim and I walked in and I admit to feeling a touch awkward. My friend who invited us, Bee, forgot to introduce us to all her friends so we were standing there for a few moments kind of awkwardly. I think Alex was the first one who said, "Hi, I'm Alex," and shook my hand.
He stood up and yeah, he was tall and impressive and had a friendly face, but more than that, it was just this thing he exuded that was all friendliness and confidence. Presence, people.
My second recent encounter with presence was today when I went for my second interview at Homecraft. I went in to find Nona (the nicest lady ever) who was supposed to interview me but she was nowhere to be seen. I asked this youngish guy (around my age) where Nona was. He only said about two words to me but he just exuded such a friendly, open personality. He was genuinely not a goodlooking lad. He was, at best, average but fuck, he was magnetic.
And so ends my rant on magnetism and attraction and presence. I hope you enjoyed it.
J
Haylor Household
Just make some babies already, Haylor: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/73883839.html#cutid1
I believe in you (I believe in you). That's a song but also represents my true feelings on this subject. Can you imagine those curly haired freaks running around? Little Fabio Styles or Ricky Styles-Swift. Image if they repopulated the earth with the spawn of Haylor. Can you see it?
Can you imagine the duets? Not just the duets but Brady Bunch style singalongs with all the Styles-Swift clan. Just singing. Singing their hearts out.
Then, the inevitable divorce. "You never listen to me!" screams Taylor. Harry, his British accent softened by years living in Dark Blue Tennessee, says to Taylor, "No, Taylor... No, you never WANT me to listen to you." It's deep. At the same time, little Ricky Styles-Swift and his twin brother, Fabio Styles (not sure why Fabio didn't get half of his parents), start crying and wailing, "FELL IN LOVE WITH A CARELESS MAN'S CAREFUL DAUGHTER."
Harry finishes it, holding to his chest the slender yet calloused hands (guitar player and all) of Taylor, "You were the best thing... that's ever been mine."
AND SCENE.
J
I believe in you (I believe in you). That's a song but also represents my true feelings on this subject. Can you imagine those curly haired freaks running around? Little Fabio Styles or Ricky Styles-Swift. Image if they repopulated the earth with the spawn of Haylor. Can you see it?
Can you imagine the duets? Not just the duets but Brady Bunch style singalongs with all the Styles-Swift clan. Just singing. Singing their hearts out.
Then, the inevitable divorce. "You never listen to me!" screams Taylor. Harry, his British accent softened by years living in Dark Blue Tennessee, says to Taylor, "No, Taylor... No, you never WANT me to listen to you." It's deep. At the same time, little Ricky Styles-Swift and his twin brother, Fabio Styles (not sure why Fabio didn't get half of his parents), start crying and wailing, "FELL IN LOVE WITH A CARELESS MAN'S CAREFUL DAUGHTER."
Harry finishes it, holding to his chest the slender yet calloused hands (guitar player and all) of Taylor, "You were the best thing... that's ever been mine."
AND SCENE.
J
Can I Have S'more, Sir?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am nearly in tears, people: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/73877121.html#cutid1
This makes me so happy and I don't really know why. Because I love Taylor? Because I love Harry? Because I love Haylor? Because I love British accents? Because Taylor and Harry are the same height? Because I just woke up? Because it's 33 degrees today?
I have two interviews today. Don't worry, I will smash them and get back to you. It's on.
The bad thing about having two interviews today is that I have to get up, shower, get dressed, look nice, smell nice (eaux), talk nice, shake hands nice and generally be nice. I hate being nice. In fact, I think I'm at my most delightful when I'm being rude and crass.
I'm kind of excited for my two interviews too because I told myself, "Hey, hey you. Regardless of whether you get the job/s or not, it's a LIFE EXPERIENCE." I'm all about the life experiences these days. Didn't you hear about my roguish attempts to break into the school last night?
But seriously. I lived the cloistered life long enough. I'm so ready to live while we're young.
I have to go now. Potentially shower or just look at Haylor pics s'more.
J
I am nearly in tears, people: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/73877121.html#cutid1
This makes me so happy and I don't really know why. Because I love Taylor? Because I love Harry? Because I love Haylor? Because I love British accents? Because Taylor and Harry are the same height? Because I just woke up? Because it's 33 degrees today?
I have two interviews today. Don't worry, I will smash them and get back to you. It's on.
The bad thing about having two interviews today is that I have to get up, shower, get dressed, look nice, smell nice (eaux), talk nice, shake hands nice and generally be nice. I hate being nice. In fact, I think I'm at my most delightful when I'm being rude and crass.
I'm kind of excited for my two interviews too because I told myself, "Hey, hey you. Regardless of whether you get the job/s or not, it's a LIFE EXPERIENCE." I'm all about the life experiences these days. Didn't you hear about my roguish attempts to break into the school last night?
But seriously. I lived the cloistered life long enough. I'm so ready to live while we're young.
I have to go now. Potentially shower or just look at Haylor pics s'more.
J
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Dine and Dash
Musketeers dinner tonight. Don't worry, I showered and smelled delightful thanks to a generous spritz of Taylor Swift Wonderstruck. Yes, I think I Wonderstruck quite a few people tonight.
Dinner was a brief affair besides the inevitable fried ice cream (quickly becoming a recurrent theme in our dinners). Most of the time, we parked outside the local IGA and got Little Mishelle pregnant, the little skank.
We told secrets. I sang Ronan Keating to Big Michelle while she rejected my advances. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. They say you're supposed to show physical touch to show you like the person, right? I tried gentle stroking, hair playing, playful smacking on the arm/arse and all I got was a big fat, "GET OFF ME, BITCH." It's like sometimes I don't even know her. She might as well be a girl called Grace or something.
We briefly went back to the old stomping grounds (high school) and wandered through the front park area. I was, of course, the most anxious that there was some violent hobo about to jump out of the bushes and attack us. Big Michelle was trying to be valiant (or get away from me while I tried to express my affection through physical touch) and was the one who wanted to explore the area. Eventually, I suggested we climb/jump the fence and get in the school. Because what's more fun than running through your old high school at night? Not much.
Of course we did. Run through the school that is. Climbed the fence, ripped my skirt in the process, sprinted through the pathways screaming profanities...
Actually, no. I think I got confused with some movie or something. In the end, they convinced me that there were probably motion sensors (or violent hobos) lurking around and the police would come and how would we explain our tramping through our old high school?
We left. Parked. Got delirious off each other's company then went home.
J
Dinner was a brief affair besides the inevitable fried ice cream (quickly becoming a recurrent theme in our dinners). Most of the time, we parked outside the local IGA and got Little Mishelle pregnant, the little skank.
We told secrets. I sang Ronan Keating to Big Michelle while she rejected my advances. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. They say you're supposed to show physical touch to show you like the person, right? I tried gentle stroking, hair playing, playful smacking on the arm/arse and all I got was a big fat, "GET OFF ME, BITCH." It's like sometimes I don't even know her. She might as well be a girl called Grace or something.
We briefly went back to the old stomping grounds (high school) and wandered through the front park area. I was, of course, the most anxious that there was some violent hobo about to jump out of the bushes and attack us. Big Michelle was trying to be valiant (or get away from me while I tried to express my affection through physical touch) and was the one who wanted to explore the area. Eventually, I suggested we climb/jump the fence and get in the school. Because what's more fun than running through your old high school at night? Not much.
Of course we did. Run through the school that is. Climbed the fence, ripped my skirt in the process, sprinted through the pathways screaming profanities...
Actually, no. I think I got confused with some movie or something. In the end, they convinced me that there were probably motion sensors (or violent hobos) lurking around and the police would come and how would we explain our tramping through our old high school?
We left. Parked. Got delirious off each other's company then went home.
J
"Parole Posts"
Holy shit. I was just casually editing my old blog posts (you know I do this sometimes, right?) when I came across this:
I can't even ever remember reading this comment. But I just read it and it is FILLING MY HEART WITH GLEE. I HAVE AN ADMIRER. I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THIS ANAAVU PERSON IS but am I possibly in love?
I've been writing this little ol' blog since I was 13/14 (I count my old ones as part of "this" blog) but I've never actually been part of a "blogging" community. Because, if I was, it would probably be part of a prison blogging circle (full of homicidal maniacs and paedophiles... Not because I'm a paedophile or a homicidal maniac but we do share certain traits. And did you know "traits" is supposedly pronounced "trays"?). The only people that read this blog are my old, trusted school friends. It's weird to think this one person (who I don't know, have no idea how she/he came upon this blog, if she/he is a person or an animorph) may have read this blog at some point in time.
Musketeers dinner tonight. Should I bother showering or just expose all who come within a 5m radius of me to my delightful stench?
J
I've been writing this little ol' blog since I was 13/14 (I count my old ones as part of "this" blog) but I've never actually been part of a "blogging" community. Because, if I was, it would probably be part of a prison blogging circle (full of homicidal maniacs and paedophiles... Not because I'm a paedophile or a homicidal maniac but we do share certain traits. And did you know "traits" is supposedly pronounced "trays"?). The only people that read this blog are my old, trusted school friends. It's weird to think this one person (who I don't know, have no idea how she/he came upon this blog, if she/he is a person or an animorph) may have read this blog at some point in time.
Musketeers dinner tonight. Should I bother showering or just expose all who come within a 5m radius of me to my delightful stench?
J
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Tonight's Entertainment (Singles, Take Me Home and Picture Perfect)
SINGLES
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105415/
I couldn't really give you an accurate description/review of this movie as I wasn't paying attention half the time. What I can say was that the male lead was adorkable and Kyra Sedgwick has a strange face that is somehow still pretty and pleasant to look at. Other than that... it wasn't terrible but it wasn't spectacular for me either (that's what she said).
To keep it short and sweet, I give this movie 2.5 stars. Someone else should probably watch it and give it a review though because I may have been on drugs while watching this one...
TAKE ME HOME
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1261954/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2
Another one of those slightly indy "rom coms." Maybe a bit too dramatic for my taste but I thought there was good chemistry between the two leads (well duh, played by husband and wife duo). Again, it lacked that fluffy Hollywood feel (obviously or it would drive the hipsters away) that I long for.
The storyline was a touch mundane (again, very indy) but it sort of reminded me of Little Miss Sunshine in that respect (or maybe it was the whole road trip feel). Some of you will probably like this a lot.
My favourite part? The very last scene. It was the only part that made my heart race and made me feel really, truly invested in the story (too bad it was the last scene) and the characters. Probably because it was also the most cinematic scene and God knows I like a little glitz.
For the reasons above, 3 stars!
PICTURE PERFECT
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119896/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
A classic, no? Jennifer Aniston is so bloody beautiful in this movie and I always thought Jay Mohr looked like someone's left butt cheek but he's pretty cute in this movie too. A typical (and classic) '90s rom com. It's sassy and sexy (thanks to Kevin Bacon). It's got an abundance of cheese and a really hilarious series of outfits that I guess were meant to be stylish or something?
You should watch this if you're in the mood for You've Got Mail or any other half decent '90s rom com.
You may notice this is a very short set of reviews but that's because I'm tired. Is it a sugar-low? Oh, McDonalds, you dirty bastard.
J
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105415/
I couldn't really give you an accurate description/review of this movie as I wasn't paying attention half the time. What I can say was that the male lead was adorkable and Kyra Sedgwick has a strange face that is somehow still pretty and pleasant to look at. Other than that... it wasn't terrible but it wasn't spectacular for me either (that's what she said).
To keep it short and sweet, I give this movie 2.5 stars. Someone else should probably watch it and give it a review though because I may have been on drugs while watching this one...
TAKE ME HOME
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1261954/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2
Another one of those slightly indy "rom coms." Maybe a bit too dramatic for my taste but I thought there was good chemistry between the two leads (well duh, played by husband and wife duo). Again, it lacked that fluffy Hollywood feel (obviously or it would drive the hipsters away) that I long for.
The storyline was a touch mundane (again, very indy) but it sort of reminded me of Little Miss Sunshine in that respect (or maybe it was the whole road trip feel). Some of you will probably like this a lot.
My favourite part? The very last scene. It was the only part that made my heart race and made me feel really, truly invested in the story (too bad it was the last scene) and the characters. Probably because it was also the most cinematic scene and God knows I like a little glitz.
For the reasons above, 3 stars!
PICTURE PERFECT
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119896/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
A classic, no? Jennifer Aniston is so bloody beautiful in this movie and I always thought Jay Mohr looked like someone's left butt cheek but he's pretty cute in this movie too. A typical (and classic) '90s rom com. It's sassy and sexy (thanks to Kevin Bacon). It's got an abundance of cheese and a really hilarious series of outfits that I guess were meant to be stylish or something?
You should watch this if you're in the mood for You've Got Mail or any other half decent '90s rom com.
You may notice this is a very short set of reviews but that's because I'm tired. Is it a sugar-low? Oh, McDonalds, you dirty bastard.
J
Nonsensical Nighttime Frenzy
THIS LIST IS ALL SORTS OF FUCKED UP: http://rateyourmusic.com/list/iawia/favorite__and_most_hated__rom_coms_after_year_2000
Down With Love, He's Just Not That Into You and The Holiday are three of the best rom coms I've ever seen in my short existence. Whereas No Strings Attached, Crazy Stupid Love (alright and Ryan Gosling etc. but otherwise, was just sub-par to me), Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and My Sassy Girl? Bullshit, I call it. I call it here, folks.
And so what if I had fro-yo AND soft serve today? You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mother!
And now for late night girl talk/bitching with Big Michelle because that's what we do etc.
J
Down With Love, He's Just Not That Into You and The Holiday are three of the best rom coms I've ever seen in my short existence. Whereas No Strings Attached, Crazy Stupid Love (alright and Ryan Gosling etc. but otherwise, was just sub-par to me), Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and My Sassy Girl? Bullshit, I call it. I call it here, folks.
And so what if I had fro-yo AND soft serve today? You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mother!
And now for late night girl talk/bitching with Big Michelle because that's what we do etc.
J
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