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I'm a student from Australia who used to have a lot of time on her hands but doesn't have that much anymore. Now she has other stuff on her hands.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

So, I Dreamed I Had a Dog Last Night

I never thought I'd see the day when exercise has become a pleasure for me. It might be because it's a bit of a rarity. Not really but Monday and Tuesday (sometimes Friday), I'm at uni from 8/9am and only get home around 6pm. By that time, I am usually incredibly stroppy (Big Michelle can attest to this. We were walking to the bus together around that time and apparently I was in a major strop because she looks all concerned at me and says, "Is something wrong?"), hungry and tired. There is no way I have the energy to exercise at night and I have work to do. So, in some ways I even look forward to days when I get to exercise.

I had my last GP placement today. I also had my period today. As in, I got the beginning dregs of it as I was sitting in the GP's office. I could feel it (I don't know if this is tmi... but I don't really think it is) and I had my legs crossed. At one point, I think I even surreptitiously stuck my hand under my bum to check if anything was coming out. The worst part was when I went to use the bathroom to check but I couldn't bring my bag out with me because that would look weird. So there really wasn't any point in checking. Still, I stuffed some toilet paper in there, a la Kim circa year 10 (don't think I've forgotten, gurlfrand).

Ate shit tonnes of broccoli at dinner and am now listening to Rihanna while I finish my patient reflections from the GP placements.

Yup, I'm falling for ya but there's nothing wrong with that.

J

Monday, May 7, 2012

I Ate Ice-Cream Today

I would like to:

1. Go into space. Yes, I would.

2. Walk through a British (see what I did there? Don't want to restrict myself to just England) field, rich with morning dew until my jeans and socks are wet.

3. Have three beautiful children and name them atrocious names so they hate me when they grow up. But then we they turn 18, they will realize that yeah, I named them Peatendril, Fallaytio and Simpy but I loved them throughout and gave them these names so they would be unique and special.

4. Eat 1L of ice-cream... In one sitting. That's right, folks. One sitting. In addition to the various Oreos, ice-magic and the rest of it that will be accompanying this atrocity.

5. Save someone from imminent death. Whether pushing them from the path of an incoming car, resuscitating them after drowning or delivering them a delightful back blow to their choky self, damnit, I will save someone and they will LOVE me.

6. Tell someone I haven't met yet that I love them.

7. Eat bugs. I hear fried crickets are the most palatable. Full of protein. I would just stay away from the ones that Bear eats. Seriously, he seems to always pick the ones that spurt out pus-resembling-squirty-stuff when bitten into.

8. Swim in the ocean. Properly. With a oxygen tank and flippers (flippers are actually amazing, I used to swim with them in swimming class and they make you go so fast. I was so out of control that I hit my head into the wall at the other end because I didn't realize what a stud I was). And a bikini. And a dolphin.

9. Have a pet. I'm being realistic here. Chances are I won't move to some gorgeous farm in rural Canada or UK and get three dogs named Ducky, Puppy and Woofy. But I will own a dog (or at least some other pet) one day and, damnit, I will love it more than any other domesticated animal has ever been loved before (that should not sound dirty)!

10. Go iceskating on an icy pond.

11. Hug Taylor Swift.

12. Pick a cockroach up in my bare hand. This is kind of a stupid one but I would like to one day. We keep an apron on a hook on the inside of the pantry door. The other day, the edge of the apron was caught in the shut door. It was dark and I thought it was a massive cockroach and let out a terrific squeal.

That's about it for now. Hope you had a nice Monday. I love you.

J

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Head Meets Ledge

I keep falling asleep in lectures lately. Especially in Ross LT in physics because the seats have this ledge/stand thing behind every row just at that perfect height for your head to rest on... Inevitably, it leads to my eyes slowly closing. Sometimes, I try to keep aware of what the lecturer is saying and if they say something important, I'll rouse myself and write it down. But mostly, lectures are so fucking boring.

Oh na na.

J

Datcha

Days like these:

1. When I look about my window at the cloudy sky and wish I was an astronaut. Want to know why? Freeze-dried ice-cream. Shitting into a vacuum. Strapping myself into bed. Space-sickness. Vomming into 0 gravity. 0 gravity. Rolling around in 0 gravity. All the pussy I would get.

2. When I drive down a street and pretend I'm in Canada and imagine this is what Canada would be like. A glorified Australia. I look forward to you, Canada.

3. When I wear my leavers jumper and pretend I'm 17 again instead of 19 and basically geriatric. I'm serious. I've lost control of my bladder. I'm suffering severe memory loss. Sometimes I lose my fake teeth and then I forgot I had fake teeth in the first place.

4. When I catch up on several episodes of New Girl and piss off my brother with my laughter until he smacks me over the head.

Also, I don't know why but basically every new blog I've started reading is written by a pregnant woman. Coincidence? Or...

J

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Yes, You

Sometimes, I am enjoying a good blog read then I chance upon something, a sentence or a topic, that makes me abhor that person immediately. It's usually nothing, some people wouldn't look at it twice, but it gets me and I can't read their blog with the same enjoyment I did previously.

Usually, it's religious bigotry or any hint at racism. Okay, let's be honest, pretty much anything that rubs me the wrong way at all. There was the thing I posted about yesterday regarding (GASP) pierced ears and then, today, I was reading one of my new favourite sewing blogs and I came across this:

"Between the Eiffel Tower and Trocadero, where there are lots of Middle Eastern-looking dudes hassling tourists with their cheap souvenirs..."

Really? Fuck you. Something about the way she specified "Middle Eastern-looking dudes" and "hassling" (more on this later) just did not impress me.

First of all, this lady who leads her "flaw-free" raw vegan diet in Portland, Oregon with her plaid shirts and her obsession with sewing needs to check herself before she wrecks herself. Apparently, not only does she have a seemingly unintentional aversion/dislike towards Middle Eastern people but she honestly has no idea about these people's living situations. But seriously, "Middle Eastern-looking." Oh God, watch out, there are brown people around! And they're trying to sell me things! God, I thought the war in Iraq was supposed to be killing these people. What are they doing trying to sell me cheap Eiffel towers?

The two times I've been in China, my family and I have been accosted hilariously by people around the touristy areas trying to sell us things. It's annoying especially when they follow you around for 20 minutes or constantly talk to you. But China is a place where you are either extremely rich or poor (although this is moving more towards middle class). A lot of people have no choice about how they make their living. Essentially, when they are harrassing you, they are just harmless. If someone tried to physically touch me or followed me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable, then I wouldn't be okay with it but, other than that, there really is no problem.

I cannot read this bitch's blog with half the enjoyment I used to now. Please leave your fear of "Middle Eastern-looking" people at home and pervade the internet only with your amazing sewing skills.

J

Today

Today:

1. I finally bought leggings. From K-Mart no less (my heart, my soul, my true love, OK-Mart). I don't know how to feel. Scared, confused, a little hungry. I bought them to wear with my multiple skater dresses that are a bit short. I hope Little Mishelle will be impressed.

2. I finally bought a dress I've been wanting for ages. It's quite a popular style now but I remember seeing it on the first episode of Gossip Girl I ever watched (incidentally, the first episode of Gossip Girl). Do you remember it? It was black with sleeves and a lace overlay. I fell in love. Blair wore it with a subtle black hairband and curls. Then she let Nate help her take if off... I thought it was the most elegant, subtle and "clean" (I mean that in a sophisticated way, not a hygienic way) thing I'd ever seen. I saw it at Target a few months later (or a very similar dress) but didn't have anywhere to wear it. Well, it's Ditza's birthday party at some jazz club in a few weeks and when I saw the dress today, I knew I had to buy it. It's maroon so not quite like Blair's but I still love it!

Have you ever seen anyone quite so beautiful?


 Legit, Serena looks like a fracking tramp next to the Queen. Even Blair's posture is better, her smile more sweet, her hands elegantly resting in her lap. See how she leans slightly away from Serena? She doesn't want to catch her STIs


This last one is the one I saw at Target. It's a bit different, less lacy but I think it's beautiful

3. Lastly, my mother continues to urge me to find a boyfriend. She theorized I liked one of the few man-friends I have. I made up a story about how he was probably gay. She then told me that, "It is usually the boy who chases the girl... But sometimes the girl has to give some encouragement, let the boy know that they're interested. And then they will chase." Thanks, mother. I will keep that in mind when the hoardes of boys start chasing me down.

J

Friday, May 4, 2012

Pierce Thy Ears and I Shall Smite Thee

I was enjoying a perusal of a new blog I'd chanced upon and then I read this:

"This might be controversial for some of you Mormon ladies. BUT, I'm going to go ahead and say it anyways. I've been really wanting to get my ears pierced again. I know, ahhh, don't do it. No! - But guess what? There are SOOO many other things that we need to be worrying about. For instance, all of my issues that I have are FAR WORSE. And unlike a tattoo, it isn't permanent. So there :)

Now that I've probably given my mom a heart attack... Let's switch to a new topic."

The actual fuck. This is so convoluted and petty and stupid that I can't wrap my head around it. Is this even about religion at all? What is wrong with ear piercings? Are they a sign of satanism? Is it because vanity is "anti-Mormon"? Because this girl runs (or use to... Now it's just about her stupid fucking baby... I'm kidding. The baby is cute) a fashion blog and I feel that is infinitely more vain than getting her ears pierced.

Also, who the fuck actually cares if someone, NOT YOU, gets their ears pierced? Her mum shouldn't be ashamed that her daughter is getting her ears pierced, she should be ashamed that her daughter thinks anyone gives a flying fuck about whether she sticks a needle in her lobe.

Isn't religion supposed to be about the "bigger picture" and helping people and doing right and shit? Caring about getting your ears pierced for "religious reasons" is the ultimate fu to anything anyone could ever fathom religion to represent.
 
FRIENDS, GOD WILL NOT CARE IF YOU PIERCE YOUR EARS. Consider it an homage to Jesus on the cross.
 
Too far? Sorry if offensive.
 
J

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Horrible Histories

Introducing... a brief history of the crushes of Junaberry (in chronological order):

1. M.L. A young lad from primary school with perfect, crisp blonde hair and blue eyes. He was friendly, sporty and popular. Once, when someone pushed in front of me in line, he defended my honour and demanded said fiend to step back and let the young maiden through. My heart was his from henceforth. Unfortunately, he left high school some time in year 10 and our intense spiritual connection was never manifested.

2. C.S. Not sure why I had a crush on this naysaying rangaaa. I actually reflect on him now in my wiser, adult years and find him somewhat obnoxious.

3. D.Something. I can't even remember the last name of this person... Reflective of my deep desire for him?

4. A.M. Perhaps the most controversial of my crushes. My friends were not so approving of my desire for this man-child. However, I found him extremely physically attractive, cool, collected and el suavo. Things went downhill when I was outed and, when I was forced to sit next to him in class, he said, "I'd rather not." How could any self-respecting young man shame a naive, innocent girl like that? I do not know.

5. Initials.I.Cannot.Write. (IICW) He's a friend of my friends and a friendly acquaintance of mine. This was an extremely brief and superficial attraction.

6. IICW2. Somewhat ongoing. I can't even write it here. It shames me and intrigues me. There was something in me that began in my late adolescence and the feelings have lingered since. I have difficulty fathoming this ever evolving into something tangible, however.

7. D.T. A strapping, young Asian male that Big Michelle and I crushed on simultaneously in our first semester of uni. He was cute, smart but a little shy and bland. Having known him for a while longer, I find him completely unstimulating company and am glad he has found a lady friend that can tolerate him. I'm kidding. He's a nice guy.

8. W.B. Simply because he is incredibly good looking and because, when we were in the same FCP tute, after I took a medical history off the tutor in front of the class, he whispered, "Good job," to me as I returned to my seat. It was like M.L. all over again. Completely out of my league and slightly inebriated at all times but still, a girl can dream.

9. B.E. A boy I glanced upon in my second FAHB lab. He resembled a brief character in the fourth season of Gilmore Girls except blonde and brawnier. I only just recently found out his name.

10. T.W. My current anatomy tutor who has betrayed me in every way possible by already having an Asian girlfriend, a role I could have readily fulfilled with every fibre of my being.

11. M.S. An extremely tanned boy, smart and with the most adorable smile I've ever beheld. Unfortunately, he can often be found puttering around barefoot in our FCP tutes. I do not approve of this. W.B. also indulged in this slightly unhygienic practice. These country boys.

12. Holy shit. I can't believe I forgot F.V. But what can I say? All my feelings, interactions and experiences about, with and regarding this boy have been documented extensively in this blog including the very surprising and tumultuous ending to this liaison.

There are others. I can't be bothered. Like I said, a brief history.

J

Kill Thyself

After extensive facebook stalking, I have concluded that my beloved anatomy tutor has a girlfriend. And she's Asian. About to go kill myself now.

I get so easily distracted nowadays.

J

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Dog

poo def'n: the feeling I am at present experiencing.

It's been a pretty crappy week that I don't really want to talk about. This was exacerbated by the fact that my usual anatomy tutor was away this Tuesday and I was rather missing his pretty face. It's times like these when I really wish I had a dog.

In case anyone's wondering, I decided on the names of my three future dogs:

1. Ducky
2. Puppy
3. Woofy

And currently, Ducky will be a German Shepard, Puppy will be an Akita (they are so beautiful...) and Woofy will be a Great Dane.

It sucks that so many larger dogs have such a high risk for hip dysplasia mostly due to things like inbreeding (which is due to domesticity and being in human captivity). When you think about it, we have destroyed so many domestic animals and their natural temperaments. Perhaps it is hypocritical of me thus to so desire three of my own domesticated dogs but I hope to live in the country one day so they will always be able to live around and I hope to have at least two so they will always have a friend.

When I hear about there being shark attacks and people wanted to kill the shark... I just think they're idiots. Sharks live in the ocean, you shetard. You take a risk when you go into the ocean. You can't kill an animal simply for existing and for acting upon its natural instincts.

Or when dogs attack humans. I know it's horrible and sad but at the same time, a lot of these attacks are due to things like dogs not getting enough stimulation or exercise or due to human intervention in breeding causing exacerbation of aggression.

I don't mean to be cheesy, but it all goes back to the "circle of life" thing. Dogs were never meant to be kept in human society. Yeah, a lot of dogs are wonderful farm dogs and guard dogs and it seems like they were "made" for that purpose. But those characteristics were probably for dogs living in the wild in a pack or by themselves and having to look out for themselves to find food and to protect their families.

J