My holidays are coming to a rapid close. The horror. I feel I need to re-evaluate my approach to this year. Sure, I am still completely uncertain about "my future" and other serious matters but I did commit to sampling what this uni year has to offer and making a solid decision off of that. These things considered, I want to go in with a positive attitude. I know I'm going to have a good cry after my first prac day but I want to at least walk in with a smile on my face.
I am focusing on "quality" this year. I want to focus on quality study and dedicating myself to "the cause." Listen harder, work more efficiently. I want to focus on quality food and fitness. Quality people and friends. Quality time with loved ones. Quality clothing choices.
Speaking of clothing choices, after Big Michelle and Little Mishelle helped me perform a much needed closet purge, I officially have no clothes to wear. And by no clothes to wear, I mean that I chucked out most of my "comfort pieces." Shirts that looked average/bad but that I was very comfortable in. This calls for a big shopping spree. But, like I said, I'm focusing on "quality" pieces. I also need clinical clothes like dress pants, collared shirts, nice flats. I want to buy stuff that can double as casual wear.
It's going well so far. I bought a nice skirt I can wear both clinically and casually, a casual dress and a pair of slim pants (for work. My current ones are literally falling off me).
I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my skin these days. I hope my path to acceptance is around the bend. I accept the fact that I like to be alone. I accept that this will probably give me grief later in life when I tell my partner, "Okay, I need to be apart from you for at least a week otherwise you will probably wake up with me bludgeoning you to death." But I'll deal with that when the time comes.
I've lost 11kg. Before our European Adventure, I'd lost 9.8kg. Maybe all that gelato helped to kickstart my metabolism. I'm also officially back in the 50s again. It's been a really long time since I've been in the 50-59kg zone. I feel like I've recovered from the eating marathon that was the last week of our European Adventure. My stomach bloat is all but gone and my quads are 90% back to their former self.
But there is a downside to this dedication to having an optimally healthy lifestyle. Obviously, you don't get to treat yourself as often as you'd really like. Sometimes, you can't even enjoy your designated treats as much as you'd like because you feel like you're wasting part of your efforts. But you do grow to not crave treats as much.
The social impact of not treating yourself to as many luxurious foods is perhaps the biggest thing for me. Eating out with my friends and family (or having a sick potluck at home) is perhaps my greatest joy in life. I love it hard. I've had to say no numerous times to proposals of lunch/brunch dates (okay, I don't really have that many friends to say no to). I've had to turn down my mother's offer to have coffee and cake together when we're out shopping. And then deal with the guilt of denying her that pleasure as she refuses to indulge if I'm not doing it with her.
I often feel very self-conscious of my healthiness. I took a salad to eat at work the other day. My coworkers generally go to buy McDonald's for lunch. I felt extremely conspicuous eating my eggplant and cauliflower that day.
Ignoring this, I do feel generally better about my body. I like that I've gone down a size and can wear certain styles that I wouldn't even dream of wearing eight months ago. I take (slightly) more pride in my appearance. I (think I) have better posture. I might even be smiling (ever so slightly) more.
But enough of that nonsense.
I'm getting my hair cut on Wednesday and am tossing up between two options; a 5cm trim (I need a good trim at the very least. The beast is getting out of control) or a collarbone length chop. What do you think? I need some inspirational pictures. I think I look better with longer hair but I'm getting that craving to chop.